


Memories

by atyinso



Category: League of Legends
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-01-10 18:33:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 72,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12305172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atyinso/pseuds/atyinso
Summary: Riven remembers the war. She wishes she didn't. The memories of it torment her relentlessly. She unexpectedly finds solace in Irelia after another terrible nightmare, but then Irelia starts to make her feel even worse than before. Irelia had become her source of pain and happiness, and the thought terrified her.





	1. Reflection

Riven remembers.

 

The acrid scent of poisonous gas filled her nose once again, her lungs heavy with the tainted air. She lurched forward, a burning sensation spreading from her core to her throat and out her mouth. She’s covered in a thin layer of cold sweat, her face flushed red as the hot tears of pain rolled down her cheeks and dripped off her chin.

 

Yes, Riven remembers more than she’d like to.

 

A few minutes later and it stops as abruptly as it started. She pushed the handle of the toilet down, watching as the vile mixture of vomit and water spiraled down the drain. She clenched her teeth as she took deep, uneven breaths that made her chest feel heavy.

 

It was over for now. But only for now.

 

This was the third time this week this happened. The third time she woke up in the middle of the night screaming. The third time she relived the battle over and over again in her head, helplessly trying to block out the memories. Every time this happened, she could feel the sensations returning, her nerves tormenting her with phantom pains so strong she wasn’t even sure if they were real or not.

 

But still, she considers herself lucky. It used to happen every day, every waking moment and when she was unconscious.

 

But still, she was alive.

 

She was alive after the horrible battle at Coeur Valley. The only person that made it out alive besides the man who was responsible for everyone else’s deaths. The twisted man that had laughed maniacally as his unholy poisons melted the skin of the soldiers and liquidized the lungs of those who had breathed too much of the toxic fumes.

 

Singed’s face appeared in her mind and Riven grimaced as she felt a flash of pain in her chest, quickly replaced by a burning anger for him and the current state of Noxus.

 

Noxus claimed to be victorious in that battle, but the truth was that no one won. Noxus was blind to what she’d become, claiming to value strength yet using cowardly Zaunite tactics to “win” battles she was rightfully defeated in.

 

That day had changed her forever. The day she was surrounded by the dead bodies of Ionians and Noxians alike, whose corpses were so disfigured that they would be unrecognizable if not for their uniforms, their weapons, and their nametags. The day she had been truly exposed the corruption.

 

Riven vowed to redeem Noxus back in Coeur Valley when she shattered her blade and imposed exile on herself. She will return to her former glory. She will be pure once more.

 

She  _ will _ survive.

 

Riven stood up shakily as her vision dimmed and blurred, carefully making her way to the sink. She splashed the cool water onto her face and gargled until the taste and feeling of the caustic bile had completely left her mouth and throat.

 

She looked up and observed herself in the mirror. Her white hair stuck to her tanned skin, which was slick with sweat. Her scars were prominent, both the ones she received by blade and those caused by the Zaunite chemicals. She lifted a rough, calloused finger to the small patch of chemically scarred skin on her left cheek and gently brushed over it, wincing as she remembered how the small amount of acid had splashed onto her face that day. No one besides her ever seen this particular scar since she covers it with white war paint everyday, even though she wasn’t particularly concerned about appearances. She didn’t want anyone to see it.

 

She saw her scars as more than just marks on her skin. They were individual stories etched permanently onto her body. Each one told a unique tale about her life. She had always appreciated the scars she gained in combat. They were painful lessons, the proof that she could overcome anything that stood in her way. They were nothing to be ashamed of.

 

But now she had disgusting chemical burns on her face and arm, the constant reminders of the shameful battle at Coeur Valley that brought back the memories and the pain. They were the sickening result of a fallen Noxus. A Noxus that has been corrupted and lost.

 

Riven shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts. There was no reason for her to get so worked up about it right now. Not right now, not so soon, or else the memories would return.

 

She gingerly stroked the chemically scarred skin on her forearm and groaned when she felt a growing pain. She would have to visit Soraka again in the morning. The remnants of the poison still lingered in her flesh, burning her still, so corrupt that not even the Starchild could completely heal her. Sure, her healing powers dulled the pain, but Riven still had to see her every week for a checkup else the pain become unbearable. She didn’t mind though, at least not anymore. Soraka grew to become someone she could trust, and Riven’s only friend.

 

But it was the middle of the night, and she didn’t want to wake Soraka. Riven wasn’t going back to sleep either. She didn’t want to risk another nightmare.

 

Riven stretched her sore muscles, her body stiff and aching for any type of movement. A walk would probably be her best option. It was Snowdown, and the Institute was covered in lights and decorations. The fresh air and festivity would do her some good.

 

She reached for a fresh roll of bandages and wrapped up her corroded forearm, making sure that it hugged her skin snugly. Then she opened a container filled with thick white war paint and covered up the scar on her face until all that could be seen was a distinctive white streak.

 

She doubted anyone would be awake at this hour, but she wanted to look somewhat presentable if she ran into anyone.

 

Riven put on some thick clothing. She didn’t want to make Soraka worry about her some more. It was the least she could do to alleviate her friend’s concerns about her health.

 

She stepped into the dimly lit hallway which was rather plain compared to other places in the Institute. Riven was housed with other champions who were unaffiliated with factions like Demacia and Noxus. Although she’s a Noxian, she’s also a self-imposed exile. She declined the offer of living in the Noxian wing when she first joined the League, although sometimes she regrets her decision.

 

She wasn’t going to deny that she was extremely homesick, but she couldn’t afford to go back until she was ready to bring Noxus back to her former glory.

 

She had to be ready.

 

* * *

 

Riven walked aimlessly through the various corridors in the Institute of War, admiring all the different Snowdown decorations. The cheerful atmosphere during the holidays always made her feel better.

 

She looked out a window and into the Institute’s garden. The garden was always beautiful, thanks to Zyra, but the snow made it look even more enchanting than usual.

 

She pushed open the door that led outside and inhaled the cool air, watching in fascination as her warm breath visibly left her mouth.

 

Riven smiled. She was feeling better already.

 

As she strolled through the enormous garden, looking at all the different types of plants, she noticed a strange red light through some leafs. She pushed away the foliage blocking her view and saw four floating blades that surrounded a glowing red orb. Behind it was its owner, who was on her knees for some reason.

 

Riven approached carefully, the snow crunching softly beneath her feet.

 

She barely entered the clearing before a firm voice called out to her.

 

“Exile.”

 

Riven jolted, startled by the sudden noise. She watched as the woman got up, carrying a basket filled with various types of plants.

 

“What are you doing here?” Riven mentally slapped herself when she heard the words come out of her mouth. She sounded ruder than she anticipated, not to mention she was the one sneaking up on Irelia. She knew that the other warrior was not fond of Noxians, not after the war. She didn’t want any trouble with the Ionians, and Irelia would be the worst one to offend. Well, besides Syndra.

 

The Ionian scoffed and regarded Riven with disdain. “I could ask you the same question,  _ Noxian _ .” She paused for a brief moment. “I’m gathering herbs.”

 

Riven nodded in response, choosing to not question Irelia’s actions further.

 

But she still had one more thing to ask about.

 

“Aren’t you cold?” Riven couldn’t help herself, seeing how Irelia was wearing her typical armor. Which was completely made of metal. And she was wearing it outside in the winter. At night. While. It. Was.  _ Snowing _ .

 

Just looking at Irelia made Riven shiver.

 

She didn’t expect the long silence that followed her question. It was like she was interrogating Irelia. Riven suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable until she heard a stiff reply. “I suppose.”

 

Riven didn’t know what to say in response to that, and she was never one to be bothered by silence in a conversation, but for some reason the quietness now was agonizing.

 

“Your weapon. It’s uh, very interesting.” Riven gave her a strained smile, her crimson eyes darting back and forth between the sword and its owner.

 

Irelia frowned, her brow furrowing, her sharp eyes staring into Riven’s. Riven’s smile faltered under the intense gaze, the corners of her lips lowering ever so slightly.

 

“What do you want?” Irelia scowled, irritation clearly shown on her face.

 

“N-nothing! I was just curious about it.” Riven held up her hands in a placating manner in an attempt to calm down the other woman.

 

Irelia studied Riven with a distrustful look that caused Riven to sigh.

 

“Look, I know you hate Noxians. You have no reason not to. The Noxian invasion brought great tragedy to your people.” Riven hesitated, thinking over what she should say next.

 

She was never good with words. She had always thought actions were more important than words, but ever since she left Noxus she’d been facing more and more problems that couldn’t be solved with violence. One wrong word could prove to be extremely dangerous, just like how one wrong move could be fatal on the battlefield. She had to word everything carefully, lest she anger Irelia further.

 

“I was at Coeur Valley, fighting the Ionians.” She breathed in before continuing, her voice slightly shaky. “They beat us. The Ionians deserved to win, but…” Riven stopped talking abruptly, a large dry lump forming in her throat as if she was choking on her words.

 

She could hear the screams again, she could see the death again. She shut her eyes forcefully and sharply inhaled. Riven counted to ten in her head. Soraka told her to count when she felt distressed. Something to make her feel better.

 

_ One. Two. Three. _

 

She wasn’t there anymore. These visions weren’t real. At least, they weren’t happening right now.

 

_ Four. Five. Six. _

 

It was over. The war was over, the invasion was over, and she’s not fighting in it anymore. She’s fighting a different battle now, and she  _ will _ win this time. She  _ must _ win this time.

 

_ Seven. Eight. Nine. _

 

Riven was alive. She was still alive. She survived, and she  _ will _ survive.

 

_ Ten. _

 

She was fine, or at least she was fine for now. She will be fine for the time being, as long as she kept convincing herself that nothing was wrong.

 

Even though everything was obviously wrong, but she paid that no mind. She kept telling herself that everything was fine. It was a lie. A white lie that wasn’t really a white lie, but one that was going to destroy her, one that’ll torment her for as long as she says that it’s okay, that everything’s fine and nothing’s wrong.

 

She tells herself that to survive.

 

She was already destroying herself.

 

She had to.

 

Riven slowly opened her eyes and looked down at her feet, not daring to look Irelia in the eye. She couldn’t and she wouldn’t. Riven didn’t need to see Irelia’s face to know what expression the Ionian was wearing, and she didn’t want to see it. She could only look at the ground in her shame.

 

Slowly, her mouth formed words that dripped from her mouth like a thick venom, her lips curling back in ire. “Noxus refused to lose, refused to accept defeat, even though we were beaten in fair combat.” She grit her teeth and clenched her fists, shaking with barely restrained frustration and shivering from the cold.

 

A moment passed, and Riven’s anger subsided. Guilt replaced it, a feeling she was not familiar with until that fateful day. “I’m sorry. No one deserves to die like that. Not Noxians, not Ionians, not even Demacians. No one. Ionia didn’t deserve to lose so much when they should have won. My apology doesn’t make up for anything, but I just want you to know that I’m sorry about what happened. I needed you to know, and I hope you needed to know too.”

 

Riven turned her back to Irelia, not looking up, still staring at the snow below her feet. “Forgive me if you can, but I don't expect you to. I won’t blame you if you don’t.” She left the clearing, feeling Irelia’s hardened gaze on her the entire time.

 

She stopped abruptly, looking over her shoulder, slightly surprised at what she saw. Irelia’s expression had softened considerably, but her sharp eyes were still analyzing Riven.

 

Riven opened her mouth to say more, but the words died in her throat as her passion died down and her mind cleared up.

 

Irelia didn’t want to even see Riven, let alone talk to her, but here she was rambling about redemption as if the Ionian was her therapist. As if they were friends. As if Riven’s brain didn’t register Irelia’s feelings of disgust and contempt when she had first seen the Noxian.

 

Riven quickly turned her head away, suddenly embarrassed about the situation she was in. She was sweating, but it wasn’t even hot. It was cold, but she felt hot. She felt like she was going to throw up again.

 

Oh god, she’s going to throw up again.

 

“Goodnight” was all Riven could manage to say before she nearly sprinted back indoors, away from Irelia, away from the past and her problems.


	2. Secrets

“Thanks again, Soraka.”

 

“No need to say that every time, Riven. I’m happy to help any way I can.” The Starchild had a warm smile on her face as she treated Riven’s injured arm. “How are you feeling?” Riven could feel Soraka studying her face, looking for any signs of emotions in the warrior’s stoic expression. Riven could tell that Soraka didn’t like what she saw when the exile glanced at her face. Soraka was concerned, she was worried again. Of course she was.

 

Riven sighed. “I had another nightmare. I threw up, I was all sweaty and jittery, and I could feel all of the pain again.” Riven shuddered as she recalled the experience. “Then I went on a walk, but I threw up again for some reason, and I don’t even know why. Normally I’m fine after these…  _ episodes _ , but I guess it didn’t really go away this time.”  _ Not that it will ever leave _ , Riven thought bitterly.

 

Soraka frowned slightly, her eyebrows furrowing in worry. “What happened during your walk? Did you encounter anything that might have reminded you about the war?”

 

“I…” Riven faltered, slightly unsure about herself. Did Irelia have anything to do with this? All she knew about the Ionian was that she fought in the war as well. “Well, I ran into Irelia. That’s the only thing I can think of that might have caused it.”

 

Soraka pressed her lips together tightly. “Perhaps that may be why. The Captain of the Guard suffered greatly from the invasion as well, more than you could imagine.”

 

Soraka’s expression grew sad, almost regretful, before she remembered that Riven was watching. She quickly put on a neutral face, probably more for Riven’s sake than her own, but it was evident that Soraka was still upset. “Irelia is who she is now because of the war, and she too has been changed.  _ Forever _ .” Soraka’s disheartened tone when she whispered out the last word made Riven’s heart ache.

 

Soraka stopped talking, putting all her attention and focus into healing instead. Meanwhile, Riven was thinking about what she had just heard.

 

It sounded like Soraka had something to do with the war but more importantly, something to do with Irelia. Riven couldn’t imagine Soraka hurting anyone, but she could tell Soraka felt guilty.

 

She knew guilt too well herself.

 

Riven wanted to help. No, she needed to. After all that Soraka’s done for her, she felt like she had to repay her friend somehow. She couldn’t stand seeing Soraka upset, but she couldn’t ask the her about what happened. Soraka clearly didn’t want to talk about it, and the last thing she wanted to do was make her even more uncomfortable. Asking Irelia about it was out of the question too.

 

She sighed. Riven was going to have to do some research.

 

The rest of the time she spent in the infirmary was in silence, which was normally fine with both parties, but after their conversation about Irelia the quiet felt more stifling than calming now.

 

Riven was beginning to hate the sound of silence.

 

* * *

 

The library was one of the largest and impressive rooms in the entire Institute, and Riven had never seen anything like it before. The number of books it housed was absolutely overwhelming; there were hundreds if not thousands of books for each genre imaginable. The large bookshelves rivaled Cho’Gath in size and were completely filled with all types of literature. There were so many of them that Riven almost felt like she was in a maze when she walked through the aisles.

 

There was so much knowledge that could be gained here.

 

But to Riven, the most important thing about it was that it was a place to get away from everything.

 

Riven never was an avid reader, only having learned the written common tongue for military reports, but the archives still never failed to impress her when she visited.

 

Sometimes she’d read a few of the books, or at least try to. Sometimes she’d open up a random book and it would be written a language completely foreign to her. Sometimes it would be the common tongue, but it would be so complex to her she’d probably have an easier time deciphering Ionian script.

 

Not that her mediocre language skills really bothered her. At the very worst, it was just a hindrance.

 

Like right now.

 

Riven squinted hard at the book she was currently holding, as if that would help her understand the written Ionian characters. That one at the top left corner of the page kind of looked like a crudely sketched house, but she couldn’t even begin to form an idea about what the other symbols could have meant. They just looked like a bunch of random lines and scribbles. It was complete gibberish to her.

 

Oh well.

 

Riven closed the book with a sigh, placing it back on the shelf she found it in.

 

She didn’t think that over half of the section about Ionia’s history would be written in Ionian. She had gone through the books there in the common tongue, but she had gave up looking at them when she realized that she had no idea what most of the words said.

 

She didn’t learn this in the army. She wasn’t expected to read any type of literature. She only learned enough written words to write coherent reports back to High Command.

 

So she just went through some of the more modern looking Ionian scriptures, hoping to see something that might possibly help her out. She was getting desperate for any leads about what happened between Irelia and Soraka. She was probably looking for helpful pictures, or at least she had convinced herself that she was. The Ionian culture placed great value on art after all.

 

But all she recognized was something that resembled a house, and its actual meaning probably wasn’t even close to that.

 

She should have known that the texts in the history section wouldn’t be picture books.

 

This wasn’t working.

 

Riven let out a groan of frustration that was probably too loud to be appropriate in a library.

 

She made her way to her favorite seating area in the spacious room. The other seating areas were nice, but they only had sofas and chairs. This one was different however, and it was the most popular place in the library for one reason and one reason only:

 

The bean bags.

 

There were 10 plush bean bags there, and Riven enjoyed pushing a few together to form a makeshift bed when there weren’t many being used. Plopping down onto a pile of them after a tiring match was one of the joys she had in life. Sometimes they felt so soft that when she fell asleep on them, she felt like she was napping on clouds.

 

And apparently she’s not the only one with a love for bean bag beds.

 

Ahri was lazily sprawled out on her back across half of the bean bags, her tails splaying out at awkward angles. She appeared to be sleeping, her chest rising and falling steadily with each breath. Her lips were slightly parted and a small snore escaped her mouth. Her eyes were half-open and rolled back into her head, and only the whites of her eyes were visible. Riven tried to stifle a laugh at the sight.

 

She failed.

 

Ahri was considered to be the sexiest champion by many, but here she was sleeping in the most inelegant way possible. It was just too funny.

 

Ahri’s fox ears twitched as she heard Riven snicker, and her eyes fully opened slowly before she blinked sleepily. She rubbed her eyes as looked at Riven confusedly, tilting her head to the side.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

Riven’s laughing fit just continued, causing Ahri’s eyes and animalistic pupils to narrow in annoyance.

 

“Are you going to answer my question or what?” asked Ahri, frustration evident in her tone.

 

Riven calmed herself down with some difficulty. “I’m sorry, it’s just that you really are something.”

 

Ahri did not look pleased with Riven. “I’m  _ something _ ? This sounds like a bad  _ something _ .” She glared at Riven dangerously. “Explain yourself.”

 

Riven was suddenly reminded of her somewhat hostile encounter with Irelia. It seemed like she was starting to form a bad habit of pissing off Ionians.

 

Riven gulped.

 

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just that you’re always portrayed as this beautiful goddess that’s above everything by the League and all your admirers, and I guess I just found it kinda funny that you’re actually just like the rest of us and not the person everyone thinks you are.” Riven shrugged, slightly afraid of what Ahri might say or do in response to her explanation.

 

To her surprise, Ahri just smirked at Riven. “How nice of you to say that. Why don’t you come join me?” She sat up and lightly patted one of the bean bags she was using. “It’d be a nice change to talk with someone not completely head over heels for me.”

 

Riven nodded, her heart slightly beating faster than usual.

 

Ahri radiated a seductive aura at all times (well, at least she did when she’s not asleep) which made it hard for the exile to tell if Ahri was being flirtatious towards her, but Riven felt like Ahri was just being friendly at the moment.

 

At least, that’s what Riven kept telling herself.

 

As she sat down, she was greeted with nine tails swathing her and Ahri’s head resting on her shoulder.

 

“So… What are you doing here? I didn’t peg you as the type of person to read for fun. No offense, of course. I just think someone like you would prefer other…  _ activities _ , to reading.”

 

“I don’t, actually. I was just trying to uh, research something.”  _ And failing horribly at that. _

 

“Research?” Ahri lifted her head off Riven’s shoulder, her expression changing to one of surprise, then to one of interest. “Are you some sort of scientist now? What are you researching?” Ahri’s voice was teasing, Riven could feel her warm breath tickle her ear, and a large lump formed in her throat.

 

“A-actually I’m trying to find out about Irelia.” Riven shifted uncomfortably. Her personal space was being violated right now, but she didn’t want to risk angering Ahri.

 

“Is this actually gossip?” Ahri looked at Riven mischievously. “I can help with that.”

 

“Well, I don’t necessarily think that it’s gossip, but…” Riven hesitated, unsure of what to do. Was she really going to tell Ahri about this? She barely knew the other woman. But then again, she spilled all her feelings out to Irelia yesterday. Asking Ahri for help wasn’t nearly as personal compared to that. “Do you know what happened between Irelia and Soraka?”

 

“I don’t, so it’s nothing scandalous. However, I still might be able to help. What do you already know about what happened?”

 

“All I know is something happened to Irelia during the war, and Soraka had something to do with it.” Riven rubbed her temples as her head started to hurt. “I tried to read some of the books about Ionian history, but I could barely understand anything.”

 

Ahri giggled quietly for a brief moment, causing Riven to scowl at her. “Why are you laughing?”

 

“Oh, so you can laugh at me but I can’t laugh at you?” Ahri asked with feigned annoyance.

 

Riven kept glaring at Ahri.

 

“Fine. Geez Rivy, learn to take a joke.” Ahri pouted. Riven raised an eyebrow.

 

“Rivy?”

 

“Yeah, it’s a nickname, silly. You should know that.” Ahri lightly knocked her knuckles against Riven’s forehead. “Is anyone in there?”

 

Riven ignored Ahri’s antics. “I know it’s a nickname, but why?”

 

“Why what?”   
  
“Why would you call me that?”

 

“Well, it’s a nickname.”

 

Riven groaned. “No, I mean why would you give me a nickname?”

 

“Do I need a reason?”

 

Riven opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. She closed her mouth and stared at Ahri instead, not sure what to say or do.

 

Ahri looked around, scanning the surroundings before she leaned in towards Riven, her expression unexpectedly serious. Her eyes bored into Riven’s, as if she was gauging something from them. Her voice was unusually soft when she spoke, her whispers barely audible to Riven. “I’ll answer your question, about why I was laughing, but you have to keep it a secret.” Ahri blushed, looking at the floor bashfully. “It… it’s kinda embarrassing…” She bit her lip.

 

Riven nodded slowly, confused and slightly scared at the same time.

 

“I… I can’t read either.”

 

Riven waited for Ahri to say more, but silence was all that followed.

 

“Is that it?”

 

One of Ahri’s fox ears twitched.

 

Ahri blinked slowly.

 

Once.

 

Twice.

 

Then she snapped.

 

“What do you mean ‘ **_is that it?_ ** ’ as if that’s no big deal?! As if this doesn’t mean anything to me?! As if this isn’t the biggest source of insecurity for me?!” Ahri was  _ livid _ . She had gotten up to stand in front of Riven to yell in the exile’s face, her loud voice piercing Riven’s unprepared eardrums. She was sure everyone in the library would be able to hear Ahri.

 

Riven had nearly peed her pants. Ahri was  _ scary _ . When she actually  _ growled _ out Riven’s question, her voice had turned into something feral and nearly demonic, nothing like her usual sultry tone. If there wasn’t some sort of barrier put up by the summoners, Ahri probably would have been surrounded in magical fire.

 

Riven swallowed nervously.

 

She fucked up.

 

“C-calm down! I wasn’t trying to offend you! I just don’t understand why you’re so worked up about it.” Riven felt beads of sweat dripping down her face and heard her heartbeat in her ears.

 

Ahri’s pupils were thin lines, her teeth bared threateningly. She was obviously still furious, but Riven could see the tears running down her cheeks.

 

“I thought you would understand!” Ahri choked up, her fury forgotten as she fell to her knees, ugly sobs leaving her throat. “But you don’t,” Ahri whispered, her voice hoarse from crying and yelling.

 

Riven wasn’t sure what to do. She knew Nasus was on his way to them right now to tell them to quiet down or leave the library. And from their current situation, they’d both probably get kicked out.

 

So she just sat there awkwardly as she watched Ahri silently whimper on the floor. She could faintly hear footsteps as Nasus arrived at their location.

 

He hesitated at the sight, obviously not expecting to see Ahri prone on the floor while Riven just watched, sitting on a cluster of bean bags.

 

Nasus cleared his throat before turning his gaze to the exile. “What happened?”

 

“Um, I made her mad and then she started crying.”

 

“Please keep your voices down. This  _ is _ a library after all, and if there is a problem that needs to be sorted out, that needs to take place on a Field of Justice, not here.”

 

Riven nodded her head to acknowledge his statement, but kept her mouth closed.

 

Nasus looked at the two strangely, before leaving without another glance.

 

Riven’s eyes followed the Curator until he disappeared behind the bookshelves once more. Then she turned towards Ahri again.

 

Ahri had sat up during their conversation, and she was hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes met Riven’s, and they just stared at each other for what felt like hours.

 

Riven was the first to break the silence. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was such a sensitive topic for you. I shouldn't have been so dismissive about it.”

 

“It… it’s okay. I overreacted. But it was my own fault, I should have known you wouldn’t understand.” Ahri sniffed, her tears drying and forming crusty streaks on her face.

 

“Could you explain it to me? So I can understand?”

 

“You are a human. You have always been a human. You don’t need some sort of validation to feel human, because you already know you are.”

 

Riven nodded, slightly unsure about what she was hearing.

 

“I wasn’t always human. You knew that much about me, right?”

 

Riven shook her head. She didn’t know much about the other champions. She wasn’t surprised though; Ahri was obviously some sort of magical being, not completely human.

 

The corners of Ahri’s lips turned downwards slightly. “Oh. Well, I wasn’t always human. I was just another fox. I mean, I had magic and nine tails instead of one, but I was a fox nonetheless.

 

“I assumed human form when I stumbled upon a battlefield in Ionia. People were dying, and I approached one of them. I absorbed his life essence as he died, and that gave me the gift of humanity.

 

“But as you can see, I’m not completely human. I need to take souls to keep this form, and luckily the League’s been able to take care of that for me.”

 

She wiggled her fox ears and swished her tails around. “Plus I still have my fox ears and tails. Everyone loves them, but I wish I didn’t have them. It makes me stand out, but I just want to fit in.” Ahri sighed deeply, closing her eyes.

 

“Am I human to you?”

 

“I suppose. You’re human enough, at least.” Riven gave a weak smile, not sure if she said the right thing.

 

Ahri huffed at Riven’s answer. “See? I’m human enough, but not completely.” Ahri opened her eyes and stared straight into Riven’s, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “Do you understand why I have insecurities about this?”

 

“I… I think so?” Riven was still confused. Maybe she just wasn’t getting something.

 

Ahri scoffed at Riven bitterly. “No, you don’t. Humans can read, animals can’t. I can’t read. What does that make me?”

 

Oh. So that’s what’s bothering her.

 

“Ahri… Not everyone can read. You know I can’t read well, but I’m still a human.”

 

Ahri smiled sadly. “And that’s why I laughed. I guess I was just happy that there was someone else who can’t read that well either. It made me feel a little better, to know I wasn’t completely alone.

 

“I learned how to speak languages well enough, but I never quite grasped the written part of it. I tried to learn on my own, but it was too hard and I gave up. I would ask someone to teach me, but…

 

“I’m… I’m too embarrassed about it.” Ahri blushed slightly and broke eye contact with Riven, the ears on the top of her head pointed towards the floor in shame.

 

“Why are you so embarrassed about it? It’s not really something to be ashamed of, considering the fact that you weren’t born human.”

  
Ahri gently placed her index finger on Riven’s lips, shushing her. “You don’t need to remind me. Really, you don’t.”

  
The mage lifted her finger from the exile’s lips and lightly tapped her on the nose with it. “I have my pride, Riven, just like you have yours. I don’t want people to know that I can’t read or write. Me, one of the most popular and desirable champions in the League, defeated by words on paper.” Ahri let out a frustrated sigh.

 

Riven put a hand on Ahri’s shoulder, drawing her attention. “I understand now.”

 

“Thank you for listening to me, Riven. I really appreciate it. But that’s enough about me, you still need to find out about Irelia, right?”

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I do.” She had forgotten about what she was here for while she was talking with the mage. “Can you help me?”

 

Ahri hummed thoughtfully, her finger playing with loose strands of her hair. “I can try to get information for you. But in return, you owe me a favor.”

 

Riven didn’t like the sound of that. “What kind of favor?”

 

Ahri only smiled at her before she left.

 

“Keep my secret safe.”


	3. Guilt

Riven stared at the ceiling of her bedroom, focusing on her breathing.   
  
In.

 

Out.

 

Keep steady breaths.

 

Riven didn’t dare blink. She knew it would happen again tonight if she stopped concentrating. She refused to sleep, even though she was tired. She refused to blink, even though her eyes burned and watered.

 

She refused to listen, to give in, to admit defeat to her body’s basic needs.

 

She wouldn’t dream tonight, not if she could help it.

 

In.

 

Out.

 

She won’t let them haunt her. She wouldn’t let them get to her.

 

In.

 

Out.

 

She didn’t even care about sleep.

 

She just wanted it to stop.

 

* * *

 

“ _ Welcome to Summoner’s Rift. _ ”

 

Riven rubbed at her dry eyes before she let out a large yawn, barely remembering to cover her mouth at the last second.  _ God _ was she tired.

 

But duty called, and she was never one to hang up.

 

She couldn’t afford to, especially not this match.

 

This match was for something important. Something  _ extremely _ important, at least to her.

 

The champions and summoners were given a special offer from the League as a Snowdown event. She had barely signed up in time to be one of the ten lucky champions that would compete for the prize.

 

The winners of this match would get special poro plushies made in their image. For  _ free _ .

 

Just thinking about it steeled her resolve.

 

She had to win.

 

She walked over to the shop, buying a longsword and three health pots, her recommended starting items. Her summoner would take care of all the items, as they weren’t really physical objects that she could hold onto. That would have just been impractical.

 

Riven headed towards what the summoners called the top lane, although she didn’t quite understand why it was named like that. Maybe their view of the battlefield was different from hers. She didn’t quite understand how the summoning magic worked, and she doubted she would anytime soon. All she knew was that it was  _ very _ powerful.

 

She breathed in sharply as she felt her summoner enter her mind.

 

**Riven.**

 

His voice echoed in her head, pounding against her skull, the amplified words creating an unnatural headache that made her curse under her breath.

 

_ What? _

 

**Are… are you feeling alright?** His hesitant tone made her realize how hostile she had sounded.

 

_ Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. Why? _

 

**You’re a little…** **_laggy_ ** **. I suppose it’s connection issues then. I’ll ask the others to check it later. Just avoid taking any unnecessary risks for now.**

 

Riven could tell he was worried, but she was sure the summoner was more concerned with winning than her well-being. She felt their mental connection slowly fade into the back of her mind until she barely noticed its presence.

 

“ _ Thirty seconds until minions spawn. _ ”

 

Riven took that as her cue to walk down the lane. She stopped when she reached her team’s top outer turret, making sure to stay inside its range while she carefully looked for any signs of her lane opponent.

 

Her ears barely managed to pick up the faint sound of soothing music coming from the other side of the lane.

 

She cautiously stepped out of the safety of the turret, following the noise with a tight grip on the hilt of her broken blade.

 

Riven reached the middle of the lane where the river met the land and the Fog of War cleared up, giving her vision of the enemy turret.

 

Yasuo was lazily leaning against his team’s tower, a flute to his lips as he played a soft melody, his eyes closed as he focused on the relaxing action. He suddenly stopped playing and slowly lowered the instrument. He licked his chapped lips, wetting them as if he was going to resume playing. Instead, his eyes opened, looking at the flute in his hands briefly before he turned his head to acknowledge Riven. Her footsteps must have alerted him of her presence.

 

“Well, well. If it isn’t the Exile.” Yasuo looked her up and down critically, his nose scrunching in what appeared to be disgust.

 

His condescending attitude immediately irked Riven. “Don’t talk to me like that. You haven’t redeemed yourself either, Yasuo. There is a reason you are called the Unforgiven.”   
  
Yasuo looked offended at Riven’s reply. “That’s where you’re wrong. You and I are nothing alike.”   
  
“Do not pretend you do not have blood on your hands as well.” Riven clenched her fists as she reminded herself of all the deaths she was responsible for, her nails almost cutting into the skin of her palms. She hadn’t redeemed herself either.

 

Not yet, at least.

 

“ _ Minions have spawned. _ ”

 

Yasuo hesitated, as if he just remembered something unpleasant. “I… I’m not denying the fact that I have killed many, but I have been outcasted for something I did not do.”

 

Riven raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

 

“I was accused of killing the Elder I was supposed to protect when the Noxians attacked us.”

 

“And you didn’t?”

 

He scoffed at her question, making Riven scowl even harder than before. “Of course not. No one would listen to me though. The killer used a wind technique, and I was the only person they knew that could harness the power of the wind like that, so they immediately decided on my guilt.”

 

A wind technique.

 

Riven swallowed hard, all her annoyance with the Ionian disappearing in a split second.

 

So he was supposed to protect  _ that _ Elder, the one Riven was assigned to kill during the invasion.

 

She was the killer.

 

Yasuo was framed for something she did.

 

He frowned slightly, his eyebrows furrowed in thought, his eyes focused on the ground. “It  _ had _ to have been one of those Noxians. One of them had to have known how to fight like that. Maybe they were purposely trying to make it look like I was the killer. If that was their plan, it worked.

 

“I should have stayed with him. If I didn’t leave his side during the attack…” Yasuo’s words lowered in volume until his voice was barely above a whisper. “Things would be different. It’s all my fault, and I can’t even blame the actual murderer for it. Me not properly doing my job, it’s cost me so much more than just my honor. It’s cost  _ everyone _ so much more. The Elder had to pay the ultimate price for my foolishness, and so did the others, but  _ Yone _ … His death will always hurt me the most.”

 

“Yone?” Riven dreaded the answer but couldn’t keep herself from asking. She could tell this was someone special to the wanderer, and felt like she had to know who he was since she was responsible for Yasuo’s infamy.

 

Yasuo turned away from Riven, his face contorted with pain. “He… he was my brother. I had to kill him in self-defense when he hunted me down.” He gripped his flute with so much force his knuckles started to pale, his hands shaking slightly from the exertion. He closed his eyes, eyelids wrinkling from the force they exerted, and Riven could see drops of tears beginning to stick onto his eyelashes like a thick dew.

 

Pangs of guilt throbbed in Riven’s chest. She opened her mouth to say something, and although she wasn’t quite sure what would be appropriate to say in this situation, she couldn’t just say nothing in response. “What’s done is done, Yasuo. People like us, we’re not like Zilean or Ekko. We can’t change the past no matter how much we wish we could.”

 

Yasuo opened his now slightly bloodshot eyes and focused on the flute in his hands, his calloused fingers gingerly caressing the smooth surface of the instrument.

 

A combination of a sigh and groan escaped his throat after a moment. “I know. I know I can’t change the past, but I can’t stop thinking about how things could have been different if I did my job correctly. I keep seeing Yone in my dreams, seeing him take his last breath in my arms again, the life leaving his eyes. It’s  _ torturing _ me, Riven. I can’t stand it anymore.”

 

“I… I’m sorry. Trust me, I know how it feels to be tormented by her memories. I just wish I knew how to deal with it.”

 

Her voice died in her throat as she debated whether or not she should ask Yasuo for advice on dealing with nightmares about the past. It felt wrong to talk to Yasuo about her problems when she’s the cause of all his problems, but she was getting desperate to find anything that’ll help her recover, anything that will help her cope.

 

“What… what do you do to feel better when it happens?”

 

Riven’s disgust with herself, her selfishness, left a bitter taste in her mouth as the question left her lips.

 

The Ionian smiled softly, a sad look in his eyes. “Don’t apologize, it’s not like it’s your fault.” He let out a quiet chuckle. “I suppose we’re not so different after all. You don’t seem that bad for a Noxian.”

 

Riven winced internally.

 

“And as for how I deal with it, I’m comforted with the fact that I will find the real killer one day, and when I do, there  _ will _ be justice.” Yasuo’s tone grew hard, harsh, vindictive. His voice oozed determination.

 

Riven felt light-headed.

 

He was closer to getting revenge than he thought.

 

He found the killer, and he would find out soon enough.

 

‘ _ It’s not like it’s your fault. _ ’

 

What an ignorant thing for him to say.

 

It was all because of her. It was all her fault.

 

He should hate her, and he will.

 

But right now, the way he was looking at her, it was as if he was starting to accept her. As if he was willing to become her friend, despite the fact that she was Noxian, as if she wasn’t a part of the invasion that destroyed his homeland. As if she wasn’t the reason his life was ruined.

 

He wouldn’t look at her like that once he found out.

 

And sure enough, when they fought and Riven used Wind Slash, he didn’t look at her the same way afterwards. When he recalled under his team’s turret, his eyes focused on Riven with an intensity she’d never forget, he looked at her differently.

 

A chill went down her spine.

 

Yes, his eyes told her everything.

 

He knew.

 

* * *

 

“… Riven?”

  
Silence.

  
“Um, Riven?”

 

Silence.

  
A pause.

 

“ _ Riven _ .”

 

She felt a hand softly place itself on her shoulder. Riven groaned, gently rubbing her eyes to dispel the rheum that formed when she was resting. She opened her eyes with some difficulty, only to immediately start blinking in an attempt to adjust to the sudden exposure to light.

 

Once her eyes adapted to the lighting, and the first thing she saw was the ceiling she wish she wasn't so familiar with, she knew exactly where she was.

 

She was in the Institute’s hospital again.

 

Her body tensed up as she remembered the events of the match.

 

She hadn’t been hospitalized because of a match in a long time, and this was the worst one yet.

 

Riven didn’t have much time to reflect over her current situation as Soraka put a fist to her mouth and coughed softly, catching Riven’s attention. Soraka just folded her arms and looked at her, unimpressed. “Were you even listening to what I’ve been saying?”

 

“Oh, Soraka. Sorry, I kinda zoned out. Did… did you need something?” Riven smiled sheepishly, mentally chastising herself for falling asleep while Soraka was talking.

 

The Starchild let out an exasperated sigh. “Yes, but we’ll get back to that later. Are you feeling alright? You’ve been behaving differently, especially during the match.” Soraka leaned forward slightly, gently touching Riven’s forehead with the back of her hand, lips pursed in concern.

 

“Um, yeah. I’m fine. I just uh,  _ didn’tsleeplastnight _ .” Riven smiled weakly, silently hoping that Soraka didn’t catch the last part. It was a foolish hope and she knew it was, but she didn’t care. After all, hope was often foolish.

 

But as expected, she had no such luck. Soraka’s posture straightened and she crossed her arms. She had an unusually stern look on her face and aura of authority emanated from the Starchild, making her unexpectedly intimidating. “Riven, I hope you haven’t been staying up on purpose again. We’ve been over this.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I don’t want you to apologize. Just take care of yourself. Please. You know summoning magic is dangerous, and you have to be in good condition to handle it.” Soraka’s expression softened, and Riven looked down at her hands, twiddling her thumbs in an attempt to avoid eye contact. She let her down again.

 

“Hey,” Soraka said softly, “You have a visitor. Two, actually. I'm glad to see you’re making more friends here.”

 

Riven arched an eyebrow at Soraka’s words. She never got visitors, and she wasn’t aware that she had more friends at the Institute. She wondered who they could be.

 

Not even a second later, was a soft knock on the door.

 

Well, she wouldn’t have to wonder much longer.

 

“I’ll give you some privacy to talk.” Soraka opened the door, exchanged a few words with her mysterious visitor, then left.

 

She raised a brow as Ahri stepped into the room, a sheepish look on her face. Her eyes quickly scanned everything but Riven before they finally landed and stayed on the exile. Her ears were pressed flat against her head and her tails swayed back and forth.

 

“Sorry about killing you nine times that game.”

 

Riven glared at her for a few seconds before letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “It’s fine. Um, is… is there anyone with you?” Riven craned her neck to try and look behind Ahri. Soraka said she had two visitors, right?

 

Ahri gave her a bemused look, but didn’t question it. “Um, no. I’m by myself.”

 

She paused and bit her lip, her eyes darting around the room once again before her attention returned to Riven. “Are you feeling okay? I mean, ten deaths in one game can mess someone up pretty bad but…

 

“ _ Thirty-four deaths? _ That’s just crazy.”

 

Riven cringed.

 

Thirty-four deaths. That’s the most she’s had in a single game. That’s probably the most anyone’s had in a single game.

 

“I-I mean, you still won! So it’s no big deal, right?” Ahri asked half-heartedly. Her grin was obviously fake, the rest of her face betraying her true feelings. Ahri was nervous. She knew she said something wrong. And now she’s trying to make up for it.

 

Riven made a soft sound under her breath. She knew Ahri didn’t even believe her own words, but she appreciated the effort Ahri was putting in to make her feel better.

 

Not that it actually made her feel better.

 

“I didn’t deserve to win.” The words rolled off her tongue venomously. Flashbacks of Coeur Valley played in her mind.

 

No, she didn’t deserve to win.

 

“Ah, well…” Ahri trailed off, scratching her cheek as she thought about what to say. “You weren’t the only one who fed! My bot lane kept dying to Ashe and Braum.” She pouted, her bottom lip sticking out in an exaggerated fashion. “Isn’t it kinda unfair that your team had those two? Especially Braum; you know how he gets when anything to do with poros are involved.”

 

Riven couldn’t help but feel entertained by Ahri’s ranting. She could see how the teams could be interpreted as unbalanced, but she was sure the League wouldn’t allow it. Mostly.

 

“I don’t know, Draven gets really heated whenever there’s something involving Draven. I’m sure he wanted a little Draven poro just as much as Braum wanted a poro plushie.” Just thinking about a Draven poro both amused and disgusted her.

 

Ahri groaned. “I swear, if I had to listen to him talk about ‘ _ Draaaaaaven’ _ for one more second, I would have killed him. With my bare hands.” She emphasized her point by pretending to violently strangle someone, her arms shaking and her fingers twitching in the air.

 

Riven laughed. “I feel bad for you. At least he spent most of the game dead.”

 

“The game was over an hour long. It was like, an hour and a half. That’s ridiculous.”

 

“Actually, I think it was an hour and twenty-eight minutes.”

 

Ahri glared at Riven. “Whatever, smartass. It doesn’t matter.”

 

Riven arched an eyebrow. “Aren’t you the one who said that you couldn’t listen to Draven for one more second?”

 

Ahri’s eyes narrowed, and her pupils shrunk like she was an angry cat. Her body language suggested it too; her ears were pointed back and her teeth were bared in a scowl.

 

“You really like pissing me off, huh?”

 

Riven smirked. “Yeah, I’m starting to enjoy it, actually.”

 

Ahri huffed indignantly, her hands on her hips, nose in the air. “Well, you better stop if you want to hear the information I’ve gathered about Irelia."

 

Riven frowned. “Fine. What’d you find out?”

 

It was Ahri’s turn to smile. “Nothing.”

 

Riven furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean ‘ _ nothing _ ’? Did you even try?”

 

“Of course I did!” Ahri snapped, angered at her suggestion. “I couldn’t find anything interesting; she’s so  _ boring _ .” Ahri stuck out her tongue in disgust.

 

“What were you looking for exactly?”

 

“Anything juicy, so to speak. If what happened was enough to make Soraka upset, it  _ had _ to have been a big deal.” Ahri hummed, deep in thought. “Maybe they were dating or something.”

 

“I… highly doubt that. Why would you even think that?”

 

“Hey! You don’t know! Maybe they were together, but then Irelia went away to fight in the war and she changed so much Soraka couldn’t stand being with her anymore!” Ahri gestured dramatically as she spoke, hazardly leaning on the side of the hospital bed, a hand to her forehead as if she were faint. “A most tragic heartbreak!” Her hand grasped at her chest as if she was having a heart attack, then she lay limp on Riven, pretending to be dead. She got up a brief moment later, smoothed out her dress, and then bowed grandiosely.

 

“You… are ridiculous.”

 

Ahri smiled so sweetly that Riven forgot about being annoyed with her. “I’m a good ‘ridiculous’, right?”

 

Riven laughed under her breath. “I suppose so.”

 

They remained in silence for a few minutes before Ahri spoke again.

 

“Hey, I need to go now,” she said in a soft voice. “Apparently my time here is up and whoever your next visitor is gets to come in. Feel better, alright?”

 

Riven nodded wordlessly, swallowing a lump in her throat as she watched Ahri leave. She had forgotten about her second visitor.

 

She was getting nervous. Ahri visiting her wasn’t much of a surprise now that she thought about it, but she couldn’t begin to imagine who else would visit her. She only affiliated with Soraka until she met Ahri the other day. So now she had two friends, if she considered Ahri as one.

 

So now she sat impatiently as she waited for the door to open again and reveal the identity of her second visitor.

 

A few minutes later, the person she least expected to visit entered the room.

 

“I-Irelia?”

 

“Hello, Riven.”


	4. Collapse

“What are you doing here?”

 

The corners of Irelia’s lips turned down ever so slightly, the minuscule movement barely noticeable. “I’ll leave if you want,” she replied coldly.

 

Riven felt panic rising in her chest, remembering Irelia’s reaction the last time she had asked that in the garden.

 

She held up her hands as if she were trying to physically prevent Irelia from leaving. “N-no! I’m just curious. I got the impression you hated me.” Riven laughed nervously in an attempt to ease the tension.

 

Irelia’s frown deepened considerably. “I did.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Irelia continued talking as if she didn’t hear Riven’s disappointment. “I’m more indifferent towards you now.”

 

“I… Okay.”

 

The two stared at each other in a deafening silence for what felt like hours.

 

Riven couldn’t stand it.

 

“So… why  _ are _ you here? I didn’t think you would be interested in visiting me.”  _ Especially since you said you didn’t like me just now _ , she thought.

 

Irelia shrugged. “To be honest, I’m not really.”

 

Riven blinked slowly. Her mouth opened only for it to snap shut immediately. She wasn’t going to question it. Nope. She was going to keep her mouth closed so she didn’t have a chance to interrogate Irelia. She already learned her lesson from that time in the library, and something told her that bothering Irelia would have consequences  _ much _ worse than if it was Ahri.

 

Still, she was so  _ damn _ curious.

 

But she didn’t trust herself. She was speechless, and she hated it.

 

She wasn’t ready for another silent staring contest with her. The woman never seemed to blink, and her intense gaze made Riven feel like Irelia was staring straight into her soul. It made the quiet sound loud. It made her nervous, nervous that she did something wrong, and she could hear her heartbeat thumping in her ears as it sped up.

 

Yeah, Riven didn’t like the silence.

 

Luckily for her, the Ionian decided to revive the conversation. “How are you feeling?”

 

_ Oh thank god, a change in topic. _

 

“I’m fine, I think.” She wasn’t necessarily in pain at the moment, but her body was sore and she felt exhausted both mentally and physically. Plus, all injuries aren’t immediately detectable.

 

She suspected her answer somehow wasn’t the right one when Irelia’s facial expression only hardened in response. She felt like she was being judged. It’s not like there’s a correct answer to that question but here she is, being judged for what she said in response to her question.

 

It was unnerving.

 

But then she saw Irelia blink a few times, and that calmed her for some strange reason. She wasn’t even sure why. Why would it?

 

That unnerved her even more.

 

“Soraka said you would recover quickly, but I’m not sure she’s telling the whole truth.” Irelia crossed her arms and pursed her lips, frustrated. “I get the feeling she’s hiding something.”

 

Riven nodded absentmindedly. “Are you close with Soraka?” Now that the topic of the Starchild was brought up, maybe she could learn more about the relationship the two shared.

 

“I suppose I am. I visit her at least once a week for pleasantries and the occasional checkup. The other night, I was getting some kind of special medicinal plant for her as well.”

 

“Ah.” That would explain why the she would be gathering herbs, but not why she was doing it in those weather conditions. “Did it have to harvested at a certain time or something?”

 

“Yes. If I recall correctly, the ideal time to harvest that particular plant is around 3:03 A.M. while it’s snowing.”

 

Riven blinked rapidly for a second, as if that would help her process the information. “That’s uh, really specific.”

 

Irelia nodded curtly. “Yes, it is. I believe they’re called Brumal Lunar Clusters due to their abundance of crescent shaped leaves and the conditions in which they thrive.”

 

“What are they used for?”

 

“Apparently they can be used to treat severe headaches when turned into a salve. Other natural ingredients are needed as well, but I can’t seem to recollect the names of them. I’m sure most can be found in the Institute gardens, although many are rather rare.” Irelia pursed her lips and put a finger on her chin, a displeased look on her face, as if she was disappointed with herself for forgetting. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and the skin on the bridge of her nose wrinkled slightly.

 

She stayed like that for a few minutes, blankly staring at nothing, completely still. Riven couldn’t see her chest moving from breathing, and she didn’t blink once. It was starting to creep Riven out.

 

The exile nearly jumped out of her skin when Irelia’s voice pierced the quiet air. “I think the Ajunta poison is actually used in it, after undergoing a complex alchemical process. I really can’t remember the rest though. I guess I’ll have to read about it later.” She gave a resigned sigh.

 

Riven, on the other hand, was both impressed and surprised. “You have a lot of knowledge about plants. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was talking to Zyra.”

 

Irelia smiled. It wasn’t a big smile, but it was there. “Not quite. I just have a good memory. I try to improve my memory every chance I get.”

 

Riven tilted her head inquisitively. “Why’s that?”

 

Irelia’s expression immediately turned sour. “That’s none of your business.”

 

Riven gulped. She had somehow hit a sore topic. She frantically searched for something else to talk about.

 

The glint of Irelia’s weapon caught her eye.

 

“Y-your weapon must be special, huh? I didn’t think they would allow weapons in the medical bay.” Riven smiled nervously.

 

Irelia suddenly became very guarded. “They don’t.”

 

“Oh, so why’s yours allowed?”

 

Irelia crossed her arms. “None of your business,  _ Exile _ . Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking my leave.”

 

* * *

 

Riven was a solitary person. She was fine with that. She didn’t need a large group of friends, and she didn’t need any friends before.

 

But when it came to the infirmary, it was different.

 

Here, she loved any human contact she could get. She looked forward to seeing her caretakers everyday and she hoped that she would have visitors. Well, Ahri and Soraka weren’t exactly human, but that didn’t matter to her.

 

What did matter though, was that they were her friends.

 

Friends that had very busy schedules.

 

So she was alone for the most part, and she hated it.

 

Hell, she would rather have Irelia just angrily glare at her all day. That would beat what felt like solitary confinement any day.

 

Here, she was stuck, trapped in an uncomfortable box. There was a simple bed, a hextech screen that showed live matches, and a window that overlooked the Institute gardens. And the door she wasn’t allowed to touch, of course.

 

But it wasn’t like she could leave anyway.

 

She was stuck here, and she’s forced to acknowledge the life outside. That was the only thing she could do to pass time besides thinking.

 

Thinking didn’t help alleviate her boredom or longing. If anything, it made things worse.

 

A week. They said she had to stay for at least a week to examine her, and that she could leave if she felt she was healthy enough.

 

At her rate of recovery—which was going backwards and not forwards—Riven didn’t think they would actually let her go after a week.

 

Worse, she didn’t think she would want to leave either because she was sure she couldn’t deal with it alone.

 

She hadn’t left this room ever since she woke up in it. She wasn’t allowed to. She was allowed to get out of the bed and walk around the small space to her heart’s content, but she discovered she had enteritis shortly after Irelia had left. She could barely walk without crumpling to the floor in pain, and she’d have to crawl towards the private restroom. And she’d struggle doing even that.

 

But that was only the beginning.

 

After that day, she was diagnosed with other health problems. Pneumonia, heartburn, and nausea were only a few she suffered from. Apparently the intense amount of summoning magic it had taken to revive her thirty-four times had caused intense internal damage and made her extremely susceptible to diseases. They told her she should expect more problems to arise over the course of the month.

 

They said she would be allowed to leave in a week.

 

She was definitely not going to be able to leave by then.

 

And she felt like absolute  _ shit _ .

 

Speaking of that, the worst of her problems was the enteritis. She just wanted to walk around the room to get her body moving, to help forget about her current situation, but that only made her bowels burn like she was being doused in acid again.

 

Well, at least she had her own restroom.

 

A restroom she spent most of her time in.

 

With a toilet. A glorious toilet. A toilet she was practically glued to.

 

She loved that toilet.

 

She was practically hugging it right now.

 

Riven gasped for air as soon as her stomach emptied its contents. Not that there was much in there to begin with; she could barely digest anything before she was overcome with violent convulsions.

 

“Ugh,” she groaned. With her head almost completely surrounded by the toilet bowl, the vibrations of the vocable painfully reverberated in her eardrums as a result.

 

She weakly pushed herself away from the toilet before she leaned back on it, trying to resume breathing at a normal pace.

 

She gingerly rubbed her ears. She had gotten an ear infection yesterday, and her ears wouldn’t stop ringing.

 

It made her brain hurt, and her other organs weren’t feeling much better either.

 

She laid down on the cool tiles on the floor, a light sheen of sweat on her skin wetting it with the contact. Her breathing was labored, heavy, and uneven. Her chest stung with each breath she took, and she felt like she was being repeatedly stabbed with tiny knives all over her skin. Her entire body felt like it was burning; the worst part was that the lower half of her body burned and hurt the most.

 

_ Fucking enteritis. _

 

She wasn’t ready to get back on that toilet. She was sure she was going to die if she did.

 

But she didn’t have a choice. It was too much.

 

Before she could move, a voice outside the restroom called out to her.

 

“Riven?” She could barely hear through the ringing in her ears, but she was just glad she could hear them. She couldn’t recognize who it was though since all the sounds she could hear were muffled and distant, but she didn’t care at this point.

 

She just needed someone.  _ Anyone _ .

 

Well, anyone but Singed.

 

“I-I’m in here.” She could barely hear herself, but she was sure her voice was hoarse and her breath smelly from regurgitation.

 

She could only imagine how pathetic she looked right now.

 

The handle of the door suddenly shook stiffly yet rapidly, the metallic noise blaring in her ears.

 

“The door’s locked.”

 

Riven looked at the door from her current position. It was probably one foot away, if not two.

 

Getting over there, however, made her feel like she just ran a marathon.

 

It probably took that long too.

 

She looked up as she ungraciously fell back on the ground and saw Soraka’s concerned face. Well, she kinda saw it. Her headache worsened as soon as she did, but some of her pain was starting to dull down. Her vision was all fuzzy and blurry and unclear. It looked like Soraka was really far away, even though she was kneeling directly over Riven.

 

_ That’s weird _ , she thought blearily.

 

“What happened?! Did you hit your head just now?!” Soraka began to lift up Riven. Well, she tried to. The Starchild only succeeded in making Riven sit up, which caused the exile to double over.

 

“I’m dying, Sorakaaa.  _ Dyyying _ .” She tried to put her left hand on Soraka’s shoulder, only to lightly slap her on the face instead. “Oopsss.”

 

Soraka didn’t even flinch when she got hit. Did she neglect training her left arm? Riven frowned at the possibility.

 

Soraka frowned as well, but Riven wasn’t quite sure why. “Do you think you can get up?”

 

Riven thought about it. Her pain was starting to die down, at least on the left side of her body. That probably was a sign of recovery. It was strange, but it must be a good thing if she wasn’t in as much pain anymore. “Yeahhh, I t-think I can geddup.” Was… was she slurring her words? She wasn't even drunk!

 

Riven forced herself to stand to prove her point, only to immediately fall onto Soraka.

 

Huh, maybe she  _ was _ drunk. She didn’t remember drinking. Maybe she got  _ really _ wasted. That would explain it.

 

It would, right?

 

Her muddled train of thought was interrupted when she heard Soraka say something under her breath, but she couldn’t make it out.

 

_ Damn ear infection. _

 

Soraka carefully dragged her out of the restroom and gently set her down on the bed.

 

Riven was starting to get really scared as her vision dimmed. “Sorakaa, what’ss happeninggg?” She looked at Soraka with pleading eyes, begging for an answer.

 

Soraka’s expression made Riven’s heart ache. Something was seriously wrong; she’d never seen Soraka this upset. “It’ll be okay, Riven, I promise. Just hold on.”

 

Riven nodded drowsily, even though she was still really confused.

 

_ What am I supposed to hold on to? _

 

That was Riven’s last thought before the world turned to black.


	5. Escape

Riven really shouldn’t be drinking. She really shouldn't.

 

But she didn’t care about her health right now. They had deemed her healthy enough to leave the hospital, and that was good enough for now.

 

She just wanted to forget.

 

Normally, she would train or fight to clear her mind, but she was in no condition to do either.

 

She wasn’t healthy enough to drink without some kind of serious repercussion though. If she couldn’t lift her blade, she shouldn’t be drinking. She knew she was making a big mistake.

 

But she needed to forget.

 

She may not be able to wield her blade correctly right now, but she was still physically capable of lifting a glass to her lips.

 

So here she was, half drunk in a rundown bar that smelled like vomit—and for some strange reason, sewage—surrounded by other people drinking their problems away.

 

Because that’s what she was doing, right?

 

She looked down at the empty shot glass on the counter, lazily running a finger over the rim.

 

What number was she on?

 

Just as she was about to count the number of empty glasses around her, she heard a voice call out to her in greeting.

 

“Hey.”

 

She turned her head slightly, just enough to see Zac approaching her from the corner of her eyes. He waved awkwardly. “May I sit here?” He gestured to the stool next to her.

 

Riven nodded silently.

 

He sat down and turned to her, clearing his throat with a cough. “So, uh, are you alright? Everyone’s worried about you.”

 

She sighed. Of course he would be curious. She wasn’t allowed to participate in matches because of what happened, and it hadn’t gone unnoticed. While the League didn’t share the news with everyone, there wasn’t much privacy in the Institute. There was probably a bunch of rumors being circulated about her and why the Institute forbade her from fighting.

 

Just thinking about it made her sick. Riven really didn’t want all the attention she had right now.

 

“Not really, no.”

 

Zac sighed. “Look, if you wanna talk about anything—anything at all—I’m here for you.”

 

“Riven looked at him with a bittersweet smile on her face. “Thank you, Zac, but I don’t think I’m comfortable talking with you about it.”

 

Zac was the only champion from Zaun she didn’t dislike. He wasn’t like the rest of them, so Riven didn’t have a problem with him.

 

That didn’t mean she liked being around him though. She couldn’t get over the fact that he was the product of a Zaunite experiment. He just reminded her of how disturbingly unnatural the things from Zaun were.

 

But he was proof that not everything from that corrupt place was completely bad. Zac was known to be one of the friendliest League champions.

 

But something in the back of her mind made her irrationally wary of him.

 

“Excuse me, ma’am.”

 

Riven turned her head to the bartender. “Yes?”

 

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut you off.”

 

Riven scowled in irritation, her voice raising in anger. “Why? I have money, and I’m not bothering anyone.”

 

The barkeep shook his head. “It’s not that. You aren’t looking so well. I’m sure your friend would agree.”

 

She looked at Zac, silently asking about his opinion.

 

“Well, he’s not wrong. You really shouldn’t be drinking, Riven.” He scratched his head nervously.

 

Riven frowned. “I know, but I’m perfectly fine, thank you very much. I’m not even slurring or anything yet. I’m not a lightweight drinker.”

 

The bartender coughed lightly to get her attention. “That may be true, but your face is really flushed. You’re as red as your friend is green.”

 

She raised a brow. Was she really?

 

Zac gently put a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, but he pulled it away when she stiffened in response. “Sorry, but I’m just worried. Eight shots is quite a lot if I’m not mistaken, Riven. I think it’s eight shots too much considering your current condition.”

 

Eight? Shit, she swore she only had four or five.

 

Maybe it  _ was _ time to stop. It probably was.

 

But her pride wouldn’t allow her to listen to them.

 

Riven felt her chest burning. “What do you know about me?” she snapped. “You don’t know shit about who I am and what I’ve been through.”

 

Zac’s expression soured, but he quickly repressed it. “Soraka told a few others and me about what happened and asked us to check up on you if we saw you. I didn’t think I’d run into you here though, but I’m glad I did. You need to stop drinking  _ right now _ . I don’t want to use force, but I will if you keep acting like this.” His voice was heated, but instead of making Riven realize how rude she was being, it only made her angrier.

 

“You might know about what happened, but you don’t understand  _ anything _ . You act like you do, but you  _ don’t _ .” She choked up, her eyes watering. “ _ None of you do _ .”

 

She grabbed her hair as ugly sobs escaped her throat. Her mouth felt dry, and her temples began to hurt.

 

She was shaking.

 

They were right. She shouldn’t be drinking, but she didn’t know how else she could escape.

 

She heard the barkeep let out a resigned sigh, probably accustomed to dealing with crying customers. “Look, just get her home or something. I don’t want anyone ending up in the hospital; bad for business.”

 

They watched as the bartender left them to attend to other customers, and Zac leaned down to whisper to her. “Riven. Soraka’s really worried about you. Everyone is. Let’s go back to the Institute, okay?”

 

She nodded her head absentmindedly, his words barely registering in her head.

 

“I have to find Twitch first though, is that okay with you?”

 

Riven scrunched up her face at the mention of the Plague Rat, but nodded nonetheless.

 

“Alright then. It’ll just be a moment.”

 

He got up and began to scan the room before walking around in search of the rat.

 

Riven took this chance to think. Not about anything in particular, but just to reflect on her thoughts.

 

She understood the reason for Soraka’s concern and Zac wanting to help, but who else would care about her that much?

 

A few minutes later, the Zaunite showed up with his smelly companion.

 

“Hey. Sorry it took so long. He likes playing hide-and-seek, and he’s pretty good at it.”

 

Twitch just laughed, and the sound made Riven shudder.

 

“Let’s go then. You can walk in front of us if you want. I would suggest walking behind us, but I don’t think you’d want to smell Twitch the entire time.” Zac gave Twitch an expectant look, causing the other to laugh even harder.

 

“There’s no way you’ll ever convince me to shower, friend. Keep trying, but my stench is here to stay.” Twitch grinned widely, his yellow teeth proudly on display.

 

Zac sighed, failing to hide a smile. “Right. Well, it’s getting late. Let’s leave before it gets too dark.”

 

The trio left the small building with Riven leading the way.

 

She was glad Zac let her walk in the front. She could still smell Twitch from here.

 

Good thing the Institute was only about ten minutes away. Any longer and she’d probably start to throw up, and not because she was drinking.

 

The walk back was relatively quiet, save for Twitch’s ramblings. She just tuned out the rat, although she could still hear Zac chuckling and talking occasionally.

 

In what felt like ages later, they finally arrived at the Institute.

 

Zac slowly put his hand on her shoulder, smiling when she didn’t flinch or move away. “Well, it was nice seeing you. Feel better, alright? And go see Soraka as soon as possible; right now would probably be best. The poor thing’s worried sick. If I can help with anything else, just ask and I’ll be glad to.”

 

He began to walk away with Twitch before Riven called out to him, her hand raised in the air like she wanted to physically restrain him from leaving.

 

“Wait.”

 

Zac turned around, gesturing for the Plague Rat to go on without him before he approached Riven.

 

“Back at the bar, you said that Soraka asked some other people to watch out for me, not just you. Do you know who else?”

 

Zac put a hand to his chin and hummed. “I don’t. She just told me that I should help out if I see another champion talking to you while you look upset.”

 

Riven frowned slightly, unsatisfied with the answer. “Ah. Well, thanks. I’ll see you later. Zac.”

 

She watched as he left in the same direction as Twitch, his body jiggling slightly as he jogged to catch up with the rat.

 

All there was to do now was visit Soraka.

 

She was starting to feel drunk anyway.

 

* * *

 

“You  _ have _ to take care of yourself too, Riven. I can only do so much to help if you don't try. You can’t go and do reckless things like get drunk a few days after you’ve had a stroke.”

 

Riven felt an impending sense of dread set in her chest.

 

When had she become so careless?

 

Tears began to form at the corners of her eyes. “Sorakaaa, I’m so sorry.” She hiccuped, wincing as she felt a sharp pain in her chest.“I don’t deserve you.”

 

Soraka crouched down to meet Riven at eye level, staring into her eyes with an emotion that resembled anger. “Don’t  _ ever _ say that again, Riven. Don’t even think about it. You’re a much better person than you realize, and you don’t give yourself enough credit for it.”

 

She held Riven’s hands in her own tightly, her expression softening as she watched Riven calm down, and her voice was barely above a whisper when she spoke again. “You’ve been through so much. You can do it, Riven. I believe in you.”

 

Riven sniffed as she looked at Soraka. “Thank you.”

 

Soraka smiled, glad that her message got through to the exile. “It’s getting late. You should get some rest. Be sure to drink a lot of water too.”

 

Riven grimaced. “Can I stay here with you? My room’s so far away and I’m sooo drunk. You,  _ hic _ , don’t want me to pass out on my way there, right?”

 

Soraka scowled. “You may be drunk and my friend, but don’t take advantage of my hospitality like that. You should know better.”

 

Riven’s expression slowly turned to one of horror, then it became sorrowful in a split second. “I’m so,  _ hic _ , sorry. Forgi — _ hic _ — forgive meee.” Sobs and hiccups escaped her uncontrollably.

 

Soraka’s eyes widened as she realized what she did. “Oh dear. Riven, I was just teasing you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please stop crying.”

 

Riven didn’t cease her sobbing. “I-I’m the one,  _ hic _ , who should be apolo — _ hic _ — gizing. I’m a bad frieeend.”

 

Soraka sighed. “You’re such a sad and regretful drunk. Stay here.”

 

Riven weakly lifted an arm as Soraka left her side. “Don’t leave me,” she mumbled.

 

A few seconds later, Soraka returned with a box of tissues. “Here,” she said as she handed it to Riven.

 

Riven sniffled. She wiped away her tears and blew her nose.

 

She was such a mess.

 

When she finally stopped and just stared at the floor, Soraka put a hand on her arm. “Come on, Riven. You can sleep in my bed for tonight.”

 

The two headed towards Soraka’s bedroom. Riven’s been here before. She’s slept here before. Staying over at Soraka’s when she got drunk wasn’t anything new.

 

But that pillow was definitely new. Riven was drunk, yes, but she’s sure she would remember something like that.

 

“Uh, Soraka, why do you have a giant banana pillow?”

 

The Starchild blushed, although it only made her cheeks a darker purple and not pink. “I… That’s… that’s not anything you should worry about. Just hug it and go to sleep.”

 

Riven opened her mouth in protest, but quickly gave in as Soraka tucked her into the bed, stuffing the banana pillow into her arms.

 

Comfy.

 

“Goodnight, Riven.”

 

Riven tried to say the words back, but only managed to grunt before she fell into a deep sleep.


	6. Sobriety

It was morning, and the world wanted to make sure Riven knew it was.

 

A ray of sunlight had placed itself directly over her eyes and stung into them with unmeasurable brightness.

 

Riven knew how to deal with this adversary. It was simple.

 

She smashed a pillow straight onto her face.

 

She remained like that for a good hour or so, until she started hearing some noises outside the bedroom.

 

The sounds were muffled by the door, the wall, and the pillow but even through all those barriers, to Riven it sounded like the sounds were directed straight into her ears.

 

It was worse than the sunlight.

 

Riven threw the pillow off her face and pried open her eyes with difficulty, removing the rheum with her fingers. She stumbled out of bed, trudging over to the door.

 

She fumbled with the doorknob before she finally gained access to the offending room.

 

She blinked.

 

Soraka and Irelia were seated on the floor, resting on cushions around the low table, in the middle of some kind of Ionian tea party.

 

They were staring straight at her.

 

“Good afternoon, Riven. Did you sleep well?”

 

Afternoon? “What time is it?”

 

Soraka opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off by Irelia. “It’s 12:06 P.M. to be precise.”

 

She let out a relieved sigh. She thought it would have been much later, even though noon was already late by her standards.

 

Soraka smiled at her. “Would you like to join us? It’s lunch time after all, and you didn’t eat breakfast.”

 

Riven didn’t even need to say anything to answer her; her stomach let out a loud growl right after Soraka asked.

 

She looked down at the floor, her face flushed with embarrassment. “I would, thanks.”

 

She moved to sit down on the floor, but Soraka’s raised hand stopped her. “Get a cushion from the kitchen closet first.”

 

“Oh. Uh, okay.” Riven walked over to the kitchen and opened the closet door. The storage space was surprisingly large and cluttered. “Do I just take any of them?”

 

“Yes, although one of them is slightly ripped. It’s the green one if I’m not mistaken. I know green’s your favorite color, but try not to use that one.”

 

Riven frowned. Of course it would be the green one. She shifted through the items in the closet before she found it.

 

“ _Slightly_ ripped?”

 

The damn thing looked like it was run over with a lawnmower.

 

Soraka sighed. “Yes, _slightly_ ripped. I’ve had worse; don’t ask. Just get a cushion and come over here.”

 

Riven gingerly placed it back inside and took out a bright red one instead. Red’s her second favorite color, although Ionians were more fond of a brighter red compared to her.

 

She liked dark red.

 

But there was only a bright red cushion inside, so she’ll make do with it.

 

She was adaptable. She’s always been.

 

Riven placed it on the floor in between the two Ionians, eyeing the dark red cushion Irelia was sitting on.

 

She was slightly jealous.

 

Irelia coughed, a stern expression on her face. “My eyes are up here, Riven.”

 

The Noxian made a bewildered expression. “W-what?”

 

Irelia smirked slightly, catching Riven off guard. “I’m just teasing you. Well, not really.” She frowned suddenly, her disposition becoming intimidatingly serious. “Please don’t look at my butt so distastefully though. Or at all, actually.”

 

Riven arched an eyebrow, still confused about what Irelia was talking about.

 

But then she realized it must have looked like she was checking Irelia out.

 

Her cheeks and ears immediately started burning like they were on fire.

 

Riven put her hands up like she was surrendering. “No! I-I wasn’t— I was just— I was looking at the cushion you’re sitting on, I swear! Nothing like that!”

 

Irelia gave her a strange look, her head tilted curiously. “Ah. Okay then.”

 

Riven mentally facepalmed as she watched Irelia drink her tea. She was being so suspicious, and she wasn’t even guilty of anything.

 

Well, she might as well be guilty of something then.

 

Right?

 

She snuck a glance.

 

…

 

_Damn._

 

She reluctantly pulled her gaze away after a few seconds and focused on the two Ionians instead. Luckily, they were too busy chatting to notice Riven’s behavior.

 

Suddenly they looked at her again, like they were expecting something from her.

 

Shit, did they ask her something?

 

“Sorry, I zoned out. Did you guys say something to me?”

 

Soraka frowned slightly. “Yes, I asked you if you would like some tea.”

 

“Oh. Sure.”

 

Soraka grabbed one of the spare tea cups on the table. “Black or green?”

 

“Uh, what do you mean by that?”

 

Irelia spoke, the intensity of her eyes drilling into Riven’s. “The tea, Riven. Would you like black or green tea?”

 

“Oh. Well besides the color, I don’t know the difference.” She laughed nervously.

 

Soraka tapped her arm. “Riven. You drink coffee, yes?”

 

She nodded, unsure about where Soraka was going with this.

 

“Do you like strong coffee?”

 

She nodded again.

 

“You’ll probably like black tea more in that case, unless the color of the beverage influences your tastebuds somehow.”

 

“Can I try both? To see if it does?” Riven was joking, but she _was_ curious about it.

 

Soraka giggled softly. “Of course.”

 

She filled up two different cups of tea and handed them to Riven.

 

“Careful now, they’re hot.”

 

She looked down at the steaming drinks.

 

Well they sure looked different, and she was pretty sure the green liquid was green tea.

 

“There’s sugar if you want to add some,” Irelia said with an amused look.

 

Riven shook her head. “No thanks, I don’t really like sweets.”

 

“Oh! Irelia doesn’t either!” Soraka clapped her hands a little too enthusiastically, causing the others to stare at her. She smiled sheepishly.

 

“Well, Irelia already knows, and I think it’s time for Riven to know too.”

 

Know what?

 

Riven just looked at Soraka, silently telling her to explain.

 

“Well, I told Irelia to try and get to know you better a while back, although she didn’t really talk to you until that one night if I’m remembering correctly.” She looked at Irelia for confirmation and was answered with a single nod.

 

Satisfied, she continued. “I thought about how I could help both of you recover from the war, and I think that you two would be great friends. You guys have so much in common!” Soraka’s excitement made Riven happy, but…

 

“I don’t see how we’re similar in any way,” Irelia said with crossed arms.

 

Riven couldn’t have said it any better.

 

Soraka stared at them like they just said the sky wasn’t blue.

 

“How? It’s so obvious!”

 

When she looked between the pair, she just sighed at their lack of understanding.

 

“To start, you both fought in the war and lost something because of it.”

 

Irelia nodded curtly. “We’re aware of that, but that’s where our similarities end.”

 

Riven imitated Irelia’s action. So that’s what happened; Irelia had lost something during the war. Although she didn’t know Irelia had actually lost something from the invasion, it wasn’t much of a surprise now that she thought about it.

 

But what did Irelia lose in the war? Her family? Her home? She probably did like the rest of the Ionians.

 

Riven’s chest tightened at the thought. Now was not the time to think about that.

 

Soraka grinned widely. “Is it? Try the teas, Riven.”

 

Riven gave Soraka a strange look, but did as she said.

 

She took a sip from each cup.

 

…

 

Not bad. She still prefers coffee though.

 

Soraka leaned in towards her, studying her reaction intently. “Which one do you like more?”

 

Riven licked her lips. The black tea was stronger and more flavorful in her opinion. “Uh, the black tea?”

 

Soraka’s eyes lit up. “Irelia likes black tea more too!” The Starchild turned to Irelia enthusiastically.

 

The other Ionian looked completely lost. “Okay, so we both like black tea. What’s your point?”

 

Soraka closed her eyes and shook her head, smiling. “You’re completely missing it. There’s a lot you guys don’t know about each other. You just have to get to know each other better, and I’m sure you guys will become great friends!”

 

Riven glanced at Irelia, who was still studying Soraka skeptically.

 

“Honestly, Soraka, I really don’t see the point in doing that. No offense, Riven, but I don’t particularly want to be best friends with you.”

 

The comment stung nonetheless, although Riven wasn’t sure why she cared. “Um, alright.”

 

Soraka frowned. “Now, Irelia, I wouldn’t put you outside your comfort zone for no reason. Just give it a chance. Please?”

 

Irelia sighed. “Fine.”

 

Soraka brightened up instantly. “Great! Now I want you two to spend the rest of the week together getting to know one another.”

 

Irelia’s eyes widened. “A _week_? Forget it. That’s not happening.”

 

The Starchild’s expression darkened, the heavy bags under her eyes suddenly becoming visible and extremely prominent. “This isn’t a choice, Irelia. I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can handle being the only person you two will consistently talk to about your problems. I have my limits, and I’ve decided that you two are the only ones who can help each other.”

 

Soraka stood up and took both of them by the hand suddenly, leading them to the door.

 

“Now go. You guys can do anything, but I want you guys to do it together. Don’t even think about separating until it’s nighttime. I’ve asked someone to watch you guys for the week and make sure you stay together.”

 

She gently pushed them out of the room and into the hallway. “By the way, make sure Riven doesn’t drink any alcohol, Irelia. And don’t come back to me before the week’s up unless it’s an emergency. I hope you understand. Goodbye.”

 

And with that, she closed the door on them.

 

The lock clicked shut.

 

The pair made eye contact, exchanging confused looks.

 

Irelia looked just as overwhelmed as Riven, and that comforted her a little. “That was…” The Ionian was at a loss for words.

 

Riven didn’t blame her. “Well, that just happened.” She had never seen Soraka so assertive and it scared her more than she’d care to admit.

 

Irelia eased the tension by initiating the conversation, something Riven felt grateful for. “Do… do you want to spar?”

 

Riven shook her head sadly. “I can’t.”

 

“Oh. Okay.” Irelia’s eyes looked down at the floor.

 

A minute of silence passed before Riven’s stomach rumbled again.

 

Irelia looked at the exile’s reddening face. “Do you want to get lunch? She kicked us out before she brought out the food.”

 

“Y-yeah, that sounds good.”

 

Soraka mentioned that she’d assigned someone to spy on them.

 

It didn’t take a detective to find out who.

 

Riven wasn’t sure if she should be concerned or amused. “Um, Ahri? What are you doing?”

 

“Who? I’m not Ahri. Why do you ask?”

 

Irelia groaned, exasperated. “Oh please, you’re wearing a pair of those ridiculous Groucho glasses and you’re squatting behind a potted plant.”

 

Riven was leaning towards concerned at the moment. She didn’t seriously expect them to not recognize her, did she? “I also don’t know anyone else with fox ears on their head and nine tails sprouting out of their ass.”

 

“Damn, my cover’s been blown.”

 

Ahri signed as she stood up and took off her “disguise”.

 

Riven stifled a laugh.

 

Irelia, on the other hand, was not amused at all. “You didn’t really have one to begin with.”

 

Ahri pouted. “You’re no fun. Why do you hang out with her, Rivy? I’m way more fun!”

 

Riven wasn’t sure why she had started to associate with Ahri anymore. “Doctor’s orders, as I’m sure you know.”

 

Ahri blinked, a blank look on her face. “Oh yeah. Can I join you guys?”

 

Irelia sighed and crossed her arms. “I suppose. Not like you’re going to leave us alone anyway.”

 

Ahri winked playfully, before sitting down at the table. “Now you’re getting it!”

 

She flipped through the menu frantically before putting it down with frustrated groan. “What’re you having, Riven?”

 

“I don’t know yet.” Riven looked at the menu. The words were simple enough for her to understand since they weren’t at a fancy restaurant. The fancy restaurants always had disturbingly complex named for their dishes. “I kinda want a burger. What about you, Irelia?”

 

Irelia made an unpleasant face. “I’ll pass on lunch.”

 

Riven raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Aren’t you hungry?”

 

Judging from Irelia’s body language, she wasn’t very comfortable talking about it. “Not particularly.”

 

Riven decided to drop the subject. “Okay then.”

 

Ahri leaned over towards Riven, whispering in her ear. “What foods are there?”

 

Riven suddenly remembered Ahri’s reading impairment. “You mean you can’t even read the menu here?” she asked in a quiet tone.

 

Ahri frowned and shook her head.

 

“Well, what do you like to eat?”

 

“Food.”

 

Riven shot Ahri a dirty look. “Be more specific.”

 

“I like Ionian food.”

 

Riven sighed. Not what she was hoping to hear, but that was probably the most detailed answer she would get. “I’ll just order the noodles for you then.”

 

Ahri frowned. “I want to order my own food.”

 

Riven pinched her nose. Ahri was starting to get on her nerves. “Okay, fine. Order your own food.”

 

Ahri smiled victoriously, before she leaned back to Riven. “What’s the dish called?”

 

“Spaghetti.”

 

Ahri frowned. “That’s not Ionian.”

 

“This is a Noxian restaurant,” Irelia snapped with a scowl on her face.

 

It just occurred to Riven that that might be the reason why Irelia didn’t want to eat.

 

“We can go to an Ionian restaurant instead if you don't want Noxian food.”

 

Irelia shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I’m just not going to eat lunch.”

 

“Uh, right. Whatever you say.”

 

Ahri stuck out her lower lip. “So my opinion doesn’t matter? Only Irelia’s?”

 

“Sounds about right,” Riven deadpanned.

 

Their waiter approached their table. “Shall I bring another glass of water for this lovely lady?”

 

Ahri smiled flirtatiously as she batted her eyelashes at him, her eyes half-lidded. “That would be much appreciated, handsome.”

 

The waiter blushed all the way to his ears. “R-right away. I’ll be back soon.”

 

Ahri watched with barely concealed amusement as the waiter left, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste.

 

She turned to Riven with a secretive wink. “You should try that sometime. It’s fun, and sometimes you’ll get free stuff.”

 

Riven furrowed her brow. “Isn’t that a bit manipulative?”

 

Ahri giggled like she just heard a funny joke. “A bit? Oh, Rivy, don’t sugarcoat it. It _is_.”

 

Irelia frowned. “It’s not very nice to play with other people’s feelings, fox.”

 

Ahri’s demeanor suddenly went from cheerful to deadly. “ _Don’t_ call me that,” she whispered threateningly. Ahri’s pupils shrunk and she stared straight at the other Ionian.

 

Irelia leaned forward and returned the glare with just as much intensity in her eyes. “Why not?”

 

“Do I need a reason?” Ahri spat through gritted teeth.

 

Irelia narrowed her eyes before she backed off. “I suppose not. My apologies, Ahri.”

 

Ahri continued to give Irelia the evil eye for a few seconds before she returned to her joyful state. “It’s alright! Just _don’t_ do it again.”

 

She might be saying that enthusiastically, but Riven could tell she was threatening Irelia with the last part.

 

It looked like Irelia could tell too from the way her lips tightened in response.

 

Luckily, the waiter came back and they forgot about the tension. “Here you go, miss. Are you ladies ready to order?”

 

Riven looked at Ahri, who nodded. “I’d like the spaghetti, please.”

 

The waiter scribbled something on a notepad. “Would you like meatballs on that?”

 

Ahri hummed, pursing her lips as she thought. “Is it extra?”

 

“Normally, yes, but it’s free for you.”

 

Ahri grinned. “Then yes please. Thank you, you’re so sweet.”

 

The waiter scratched the back of his head bashfully. “It’s no problem.” His eyes widened as he realized there were other orders to take. “What about you two?”

 

Irelia spoke without looking up at the waiter, her eyes trained on the table. “I won’t be eating anything.”

 

“Ah. Alright then. What about you?” He turned to Riven.

 

“Just a burger and fries.”

 

The waiter wrote down some more things. “How would you like it cooked?”

 

“Medium.”

 

“Okay. So I got spaghetti and meatballs and a medium burger with fries. Is that all?” He looked at them for confirmation.

 

Ahri held a finger to her chin. “Actually, what drinks do you have?”

 

“Alcoholic or nonalcoholic?”

 

“Alcoholic, please.”

 

“I’ll bring a menu over then,” he said before he turned to leave.

 

“W-wait!” Ahri shouted in panic. The waiter turned back to them, somewhat confused and shocked. She coughed lightly, her face pink. “I mean, I’d prefer to hear you tell me about it verbally.” Riven was slightly impressed how smoothly she recovered from her outburst and went straight back to talking in a flirty tone.

 

It was completely unnecessary though; Riven could read the names of most alcoholic drinks.

 

The waiter stood up a little taller, more confident. “Anything for you,” he grinned. “Do you have something in mind already?”

 

Ahri nodded. “A martini. Set it on fire.”

 

The waiter frowned. “I uh, I don’t think we’re allowed to set it on fire. But we do serve martinis though. Is that fine?”

 

Ahri pouted. “I guess.”

 

“Sorry, but I can try to make it up to you. I’ll give you a special discount. Drinks are half off for you and your friends.”

 

Ahri beamed. “Wow! Thank you so much!

 

“You guys should drink something with me! It’s no fun drinking alone.”

 

Irelia frowned. “I’ll pass.”

 

Riven snorted. “I’m not trying to get wasted during lunch.”

 

Ahri rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to get drunk every time you drink, Rivy. You don’t do that do you?” She studied Riven closely before backing off in realization. “Oh shit, you do.”

 

Irelia cut in suddenly. “She’s not allowed to drink alcohol right now anyway.”

 

Ahri tilted her head. “Why not?”

 

Riven groaned. She turned to the waiter. “Just get her a martini along with the rest of our food.”

 

He nodded and left.

 

Ahri poked her cheek. “Why can’t you drink, Riven?”

 

She grunted. “Soraka probably thinks I have a drinking problem.”

 

Irelia arched an eyebrow at her. “Do you?”

 

“Well, I mean, not really.”

 

The two Ionians frowned at her. “That doesn’t sound very reassuring,” Ahri stated.

 

“I think I know why Soraka’s making me watch over you now.”

 

Riven turned to Irelia with a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

 

Irelia turned away from the others. “I used to have a drinking problem.”

 

Ahri and Riven stared at her in disbelief.

 

Ahri gaped at her. “You had a drinking problem?”

 

Irelia groaned, falling against the back of her seat. “Yes, I did, but it’s complicated.”

 

“How’s it complicated?” Riven asked.

 

Irelia bit her lip. “All I’m going to say is that I wanted to get drunk, but I couldn’t. Now let’s stop talking about this.”

 

Riven and Ahri exchanged looks and silently agreed to drop the subject. Irelia was clearly a guarded person, and they didn’t want to risk angering her.

 

“So… Why’d Soraka decide to make you babysit Riven?”

 

“Babysit?” Riven questioned. “I’m not a kid, Ahri.”

 

They ignored her.

 

“Soraka said something about how we’re similar or whatever so she’s been trying to make us become friends,” Irelia explained.

 

“Oh really? I can kinda see that, actually.” Ahri’s eyes darted back and forth between the two warriors.

 

Irelia scrunched up her face. “I don’t understand.”

 

Ahri sighed and patted Irelia on the back. “In due time, child.”

 

“Who are you calling child?” Irelia leered at Ahri, obviously irritated. Riven nodded in agreement.

 

She was an adult, thank you very much.

 

“Oh please. You have no idea how old I am. You two are just little babies compared to me.” Ahri flipped her hair behind her back.

 

She was right. “How old are you?”

 

Ahri recoiled in shock. “ _Riven_ , you don’t ask a lady her age. Shame on you.”

 

“Okay, but how old are you?”

 

Ahri glared daggers at Riven until she mumbled something under her breath.

 

“Sorry, what was that?” Riven leaned towards her slightly.

 

More inaudible mumbles.

 

Riven was getting slightly annoyed. “Ahri, I really can’t hear you. Speak up.”

 

“ _I’m_ . _Nine_ . _Hundred_ . _Years_ . _Old_.”

 

Riven blinked.

 

Shit. “Shit.”

 

Irelia studied Ahri with interest. “That’s a lot of centuries.”

 

Ahri crossed her arms and pouted. “Well, I _am_ a magical Ionian nine-tailed fox, or at least I _was_. What did you expect?”

 

“Not that,” Riven admitted.

 

Ahri turned to Irelia. “It shouldn’t be that surprising to you though. You do know the tales, right?”

 

Irelia nodded. “But still, you look so young.”

 

“Well, _duh_. I mean, I’m a magical being and I’m also Ionian. Of course I look young.”

 

“I don’t think that being Ionian just stops you from aging,” Riven pointed out. She noticed Irelia shift uncomfortably from the corner of her eye.

 

Ahri crossed her arms and scoffed. “Yeah, I know that. Ionians just look younger than other people. It’s a confirmed stereotype. Irelia could actually be some cranky middle-aged woman for all I know, even though she looks like a teenager.”

 

Irelia was visibly distressed by now. Her posture was stiff and her jaw was clenched. She had formed fists so tight they started shaking.

 

“Are you okay, Irelia?” Riven was getting worried.

 

“I’ve had enough of this conversation. You two can continue talk, just leave me out of it.”

 

The rest of the lunch went on in silence.


	7. Understanding

Today was the second day she has to spend with Irelia.

 

Yesterday had been alright, not counting the scarily tense lunch they had with Ahri. Riven and Ahri had agreed it would be best if the mage stayed out of their way for the rest of the week. Ahri was probably the reason Irelia had almost lost it during lunch, and they didn’t want a repeat of that.

 

So Riven was alone now.

 

Well, she was with Irelia, but she was alone in dealing with her.

 

Not that there was anything wrong with her. After Ahri left after lunch, they took a walk through the Institute’s gardens. It was pretty nice, even though Ahri kept hiding behind random bushes while she was watching them.

 

Well, that was kinda creepy, but it wasn’t too bad.

 

They had no plans for today. They didn’t have plans for the rest of the week either. They didn’t have one yesterday too.

 

That was fine. Riven was fine with spontaneous.

 

Irelia, on the other hand…

 

“What’s the plan for today?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Irelia frowned. “So there are no plans.”

 

Riven nodded. Once.

 

Her frown deepened. “Do you have anything in mind at least?”

 

Riven shook her head. “Do you? I don’t see why it all has to be on me.”

 

“I’d like to go to the library and read.”

 

Riven hadn’t been there in a while. “That sounds nice.”

 

* * *

 

“Ah…”

 

She felt all her worries melt away as she sank into the bean bags.

 

“Really?”

 

Riven lifted up her head. Well, tried to. She only managed to see the top of Irelia’s head. “Come closer so I can see you.”

 

Irelia sighed and walked into Riven’s field of vision, directly above the Noxian.

 

“Heh, I can see up your nose.”

 

The Ionian rolled her eyes in response. “Are you really going to be like this?”

 

Riven raised an eyebrow. “Like what? What do you mean?”

 

“You’re behaving like a child, but it’s even worse because you’re not one. You’re an adult, Riven. Act like it.”

 

Riven scowled. “You sound like Ahri.”

 

Irelia grimaced at the mention of the mage. “I do not. Now get up, this is embarrassing.”

 

“How? There’s no one around.”

 

“Not right now, you mean. I don’t want to be seen with you when you’re behaving so inappropriately in public.” Irelia looked around them, paranoid.

 

Riven blinked. “Inappro — ? Irelia, you don’t understand. Other people do this too.”

 

Well, the only other person she knew that used the bean bags as a bed was Ahri.

 

But she wasn’t going to say that.

 

“I honestly doubt anyone else would.”

 

Riven scoffed. “That’s where you’re wrong. You obviously have never experienced the pleasure of sleeping on bean bags. You should try it.”

 

Irelia crossed her arms. “Not happening.”

 

“I’m not getting up until you do.” Riven closed her eyes and faked several loud snores. “So comfy…”

 

She opened one eye. Irelia was not impressed. She closed it again.

 

Time to resume the snoring.

 

A minute passed before she finally heard Irelia groan. “Fine. Just stop making that awful noise.”

 

Victory!

 

Riven opened her eyes and sat up. She scooched over to make space for the Ionian, who just glared at her with utter disdain.

 

“Wipe that smirk off your face.”

 

“Nah, you need to get rid of all that seriousness first. Now come on.” She patted the bean bags beside her.

 

Irelia lowered herself onto the bean bags awkwardly before she sank down with a yelp.

 

Riven turned her head to the side with a questioning expression. “Haven’t you ever used the bean bags here?”

 

“N-no,” Irelia admitted. “I usually sit on one of the large window sills when I read here. There’s a lot of privacy near the walls of the library.”

 

“There are reasons no one goes all the way over there to read, and you’re on top of them.”

 

Irelia bit her lip. “These  _ are _ rather comfortable,” she mumbled. “They’re too soft though. I can barely move without them shifting underneath me.”

 

“I mean, they’re bean bags. Of course they’re soft. It’s not a bad thing, is it?”

 

Irelia hesitated. “I guess not.”

 

Riven smiled as her eyelids lowered sleepily.

 

Then she flopped on her back to take a nap.

 

* * *

 

_ Only the strong survive. _

 

_ Riven kept repeating the phrase in her head, even though she knew it was hopeless. _

 

_ Nobody would survive. No one could survive through this. _

 

_ She watched helplessly as she saw Ionians and Noxians alike fall to the ground, convulsing in pain. The toxins spread throughout their bodies, causing their skin and organs to have unnatural reactions. _

 

_ She swore the skin on someone was bubbling like boiling water. _

 

_ Her chest seized up and she threw up, but the caustic bile from her stomach was nothing in comparison to the acidic poisons that had gotten through her armor and to her body. _

 

_ It felt like millions of fire ants were biting through her skin and into her breast, eating away at everything they touched. _

 

_ She let out a wordless shout that was indistinguishable from all the other cries of pain that surrounded her. _

 

_ She fell to her knees, cradling her injured left arm. _

 

_ Riven was not afraid of death. She had never been. She was not scared of dying in battle while she served Noxus. _

 

_ But this wasn’t a battle. This was a slaughter. _

 

_ This was an extermination. _

 

_ The pain in her chest intensified. Her arm and cheek stung too, but neither could compare to the extensive chemical burns across her chest. _

 

_ She coughed and gasped, her mouth open in a silent scream. Unbidden tears ran down her face. _

 

_ Only the strong survive. _

 

_ Only the strong survive. _

 

_ Only the strong survive. _

 

_ She blacked out. _

 

* * *

 

Her eyes shot open.

 

Oh god she couldn’t breathe.

 

She clawed at her throat, she pulled at the collar of her shirt, but nothing helped.

 

Her vision was blurred from tears that burned her eyes, but she could make out a lone figure above her. A headache pounded against her temples and a high-pitched ringing filled her ears.

 

“R… VEN… RI… EN… R…

 

“R-RIVEN!”

 

She jolted up and took a deep breath of air before she began to cough violently.

 

“Riven, are you okay?!”

 

She looked up and saw an alarmed Irelia by her side.

 

“I… I think so,” she rasped out. She raised a hand to her chest and formed a fist.

 

She’ll be okay. She has to be.

 

Irelia wasn’t satisfied with her answer apparently. “Come on,” she said as she took Riven’s hand. “We’re going to my room before Nasus gets here.”

 

“Wh — Okay?” She was not about to protest when Irelia had donned such a determined and commanding expression.

 

Plus Irelia had already dragged her onto her feet and out the door.

 

The Ionian wing was not far from the library and the walk there ended up being completely uneventful, although Riven nearly tripped trying to keep up with Irelia’s fast pace.

 

Irelia stopped at an embellished door near the end of the hall. It was rather fancy compared to the rest of the doors in the hallway.

 

Inside was a different story.

 

Irelia’s room was somehow more impersonal than Riven’s, and Riven’s was extremely plain. While Riven had several Noxian banners on her walls, Irelia had no decorations save for a single picture frame on the wall. In fact, everything was unchanged from the original; her room looked exactly like Riven’s when she had first moved into the Institute’s dorms. Everything looked pristine and untouched, save for a somewhat cluttered stack of books in the corner.

 

Didn’t she spend any time in here?

 

Irelia led her to the bedroom and instructed her to sit down on the bed, which was flawlessly made with no wrinkles whatsoever. Riven almost felt guilty for ruining it.

 

“Stay here,” Irelia ordered.

 

And she closed the door.

 

Riven swung her legs off the edge of the bed, unsure of what to do. Was she allowed to get up? Was she allowed to lay down? She didn’t know.

 

So she just sat there. Waiting.

 

Irelia came back not too long after, holding two glasses of iced tea and a few books.

 

“Here,” she said, handing Riven a drink. “When I have nightmares, drinking cold tea helps.”

 

Riven looked at Irelia’s outstretched arm numbly before she took the glass and took a sip from it.

 

It made her feel a little better. “It’s refreshing.”

 

Irelia smiled solemnly. “I agree.”

 

Riven’s lips curled inwards. “You said you have nightmares too?”

 

A silent nod.

 

“Is… is it because of the invasion too?”

 

Another nod, but this time she spoke. “I didn’t know you had nightmares too, but it’s not that surprising. I just didn’t think they would be this bad. Mine aren’t nearly that severe compared to yours.”

 

“Ah.” That didn’t really make her feel better, but it was nice to know she wasn’t completely alone. “How do you deal with them?”

 

Irelia’s facial features softened, making her look even more youthful. “I used to go to Soraka about it since she’s so wise, so compassionate, so… motherly.” Irelia swallowed, her eyes glazing over in sadness before they hardened again. “I never spoke about the invasion with anyone else, and it made me feel better talking about it with her, but I eventually found out that she couldn’t help. Not forever. Not completely.”

 

Riven nodded. “I understand.”

 

Irelia smiled sadly. “So I stopped going to her after nightmares. I looked for different ways to get my mind off of them. Some way to ignore them. Escape them.”

 

She took a shaky breath. “I found out that doing things I enjoyed helped to an extent. Drinking tea, training, reading. But they were only distractions. It only keeps the memories at bay, not get rid of them.”

 

“It’s the same for me. But hey, it’s better than nothing, right?”   
  
Irelia laughed softly. “It is.”

 

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to you? I’ve been really curious.”

 

Irelia’s expression darkened, although her facial muscles barely moved.

 

“All I’m willing to say right now is that I fought off an entire Noxian army by myself.”

 

Riven didn’t know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that.

 

“Wow. That’s impressive.”

 

Irelia grunted. “I suppose it is.”

 

Riven frowned. Irelia was still a closed book, so to speak. That was fine. Riven was one too.

 

But she’s been opening up to others, and she’s sure Irelia would open up to her too with time.

 

She’d already gotten pretty far since she first saw Irelia in the garden.

 

“Hey,” Irelia said in an uncharacteristically demure voice. “Do you want to run from the past together?”

 

Riven smiled. Yes, she was definitely getting somewhere now. “I’d love to.”

 

“Alright then,” Irelia said as she sat next to Riven. “Do you like reading? It’s a great way to forget about everything else.”

 

Riven bit her lip. “Well, I’m kinda illiterate. I can only read and write a few simple words in the common tongue and Noxian. I think books are interesting though, even if I can’t read them.”

 

Irelia’s expression turned to one of surprise. “Really now? I… I did not know that. I could help you learn if you’d like.”

 

Riven shook her head. “No thanks. I appreciate the offer, but I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that for me.”

 

Irelia put a hand on her arm. “It won’t be a problem, Riven. I’d rather go through the trouble of teaching you than be alone again. Believe it or not, I’m growing quite fond of you. I’m starting to understand what Soraka meant.”

 

Riven suddenly felt extremely warm all over. It was both comforting and distressing.

 

“But isn’t reading more of a solitary hobby?” she asked, still unsure.

 

Irelia grinned. “It doesn’t have to be.”


	8. Emergence

“Oh my god, how could you do this to me?!”

 

Riven turned around. “Wha — ? Ahri? What are you even talking about?”

 

The mage stomped over the the warrior and looked down at her. Or at least, she would have if the exile wasn’t a few inches taller. But that didn’t stop her from trying to.

 

“I’m talking about you and Irelia! Going into her room with just the two of you, all alone and unsupervised for  _ hours _ ! I can’t believe it!” Ahri gestured wildly.

 

The color drained from Riven’s face. Was she implying — ?

 

Her heart skipped a beat at the thought.

 

_ Thump. _

 

Oh god.

 

“I-it’s not what you think!” Riven held up her hands in surrender. “I swear!”

 

Ahri put her hands on her hips. “Oh yeah? Because I’m pretty sure you two snuck in there just so Soraka won’t pay me for stalk — , I mean, watching you guys. I mean, I love pranks and all but that was just low, Rivy. That was  _ real _ low. Do you know how boring it is to watch a door for that long? Or at all?! No one deserves that kind of torture!”

 

Riven blinked. She was just going to pretend that Ahri didn’t just admit to stalking them, because that didn’t just happen. Nope.

 

“So… you’re saying that we went inside her room  _ just _ to piss you off?” She put emphasis on the key word.

 

Ahri huffed indignantly. “Well,  _ yeah _ . That’s exactly what I’ve been saying! Were you even listening to me?”

 

Oh.

 

“Y-yeah, of course.” Riven coughed into a fist, her face red as she averted eye contact with the mage. “Well, I’m sorry then. I’ll make it up to you later.”

 

“I doubt it. No one else can make banana bread like Soraka.” Ahri pouted. “Now if she finds out that I couldn’t watch you guys, I’ll only get six instead of seven, assuming you guys don’t continue avoiding me. Don’t do that, by the way. I’m just doing my job!”

 

Riven snorted, amused. “She’s paying you in banana bread?”

 

Ahri nodded somberly. “Money can’t buy banana bread like hers. Have you tried them?”

 

“Of course I have. But why would you take them over money? I mean, they’re good, but I didn’t expect you to like them  _ that _ much.”

 

Ahri pursed her lips. “I mean, I like them, but these aren’t for me; they’re for my friend, Wukong. I’m trading them to him in exchange for information about…” she hesitated, “a certain someone.”

 

That piqued Riven’s curiosity. “Oh? And who’s this ‘ _ certain someone _ ’?”

 

The mage blushed unexpectedly and bit her lip. “You’ll find out. Eventually. But not right now.”

 

Now Riven was  _ really _ curious, but she wasn’t in the mood to tease Ahri. She was exhausted from trying to memorize the words Irelia had taught her.

 

Ahri’s eyes widened as she remembered why she was yelling at Riven. “Don’t change the subject! This is serious! Unless you can get banana bread that’s better than Soraka’s, you two better stay in my sight from now on!”

 

“Uh, Ahri? You do realize I could just ask Soraka for banana bread, right?”

 

The mage blinked a few times, her mouth opened slightly in realization. “Oh. Oh yeah. But still, I’m supposed to watch you guys! I told Soraka I would, and I’m not trying to break that promise.”

 

Riven sighed. “Alright, alright. But really, there’s nothing wrong with us being in her room, is there? It’s not like we can leave without you seeing unless we climbed out of a window, and I prefer using doors myself.”

 

Ahri frowned. “How would I know, though? You guys locked me out!”

 

“I mean, yeah, but I’m not trying to run away from her or anything. We’re actually starting to get along.” Riven absentmindedly rubbed the bandage on her left forearm. They were starting to get along, right?

 

Ahri hummed thoughtfully. “Do you think that Soraka would still give me banana bread if I told her I didn’t need to watch you guys anymore? I mean, you guys are friends now, right?”

 

Riven shrugged. “I think so.” She wasn’t sure which question she was answering with that statement.

 

Ahri hummed some more, seemingly oblivious to her surroundings, before she stopped. “Oh yeah! What’d you guys do today anyway? She wants me to give her a report or something about what I see, but I didn’t see anything today besides you two going into the library.”

 

Riven paled at the mention of the archives. “D-did you see…?”

 

Ahri tilted her head. “See what? I may or may not have gotten, uh,  _ distracted _ .” She scratched her cheek sheepishly and laughed nervously. “But I still saw you two together after you guys left the library, so it’s not a big deal since you guys stayed together, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Riven mumbled. She didn’t want anyone seeing her when she was so…  _ weak _ and vulnerable.

 

Ahri waved a hand in front of Riven’s face, snapping her out of her daze. “Uh, Rivy? Are you feeling okay? Should I get Soraka?”

 

Riven shook her head softly. “No, it’s fine. I’m just… tired. It’s been a long day.”

 

Ahri’s lips pressed against each other to form a tight line. “Alright then, whatever you say. Go get some rest; it’s getting late.”

 

Riven nodded silently in acknowledgement before Ahri left to go back to the Ionian wing.

 

Rest.

 

That sounded good.

 

* * *

 

Three perfectly timed knocks. Brief, and not too forceful.

 

Riven stopped applying war paint and stepped outside the restroom to look at the entrance. Who would be visiting her this early in the morning?

 

Three more knocks, exactly the same as the ones before.

 

“Just a moment!” she called out.

 

She hastily finished going over the scar on her cheek, not bothering to wash the paint from her hand afterwards. It was probably just a summoner bringing her some news. Hopefully it would be about letting her fight again.

 

When she opened the door, she wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or not.

 

“Irelia? What are you doing here?”

 

The Ionian held up a bag. “I got breakfast for you, assuming you’re fine with eating Ionian cuisine. I also brought a few books that aren’t too difficult to read. I figured we could spend the day in your room instead, since we were in mine yesterday.”

 

Riven’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh, wow. Thank you.”

 

Irelia smiled. “It’s no problem, Riven. May I come in?”

 

“Yeah,” she said as she stepped aside, making a welcoming gesture. “Just make yourself at home.”

 

Riven closed the door after Irelia walked inside, returning to the restroom. She continued applying paint to her cheek before she examined it in the mirror, and noticed Irelia watching her in the background.

 

She turned to the Ionian. “Is something wrong?”

 

Irelia shook her head. “No, I’m just curious. What’s the paint for?”

 

Riven bit her lip. She wasn’t ready to divulge her chemical burns. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

 

“It’s… just for decoration.”

 

From her expression, Irelia didn’t believe her but accepted her answer anyway. She probably knew Riven didn’t want to talk about it. “It’s a bold fashion statement, I suppose.”

 

Riven laughed under her breath. “I suppose it is.”

 

She washed her hands, drying them on her clothes. “So what kind of Ionian food did you bring? I haven’t really eaten any before.”

 

Irelia took out several small containers filled with different types of food. “Well, I have some rice and noodles, although I’m sure they’re quite different from the ones Noxians eat. There’s some meat and vegetables on the side as well.”

 

“Looks good. Smells good too,” she commented as Irelia opened the containers. “Did you bring forks?”

 

“Nope,” Irelia said with a cheeky smile. She took out two thin sticks. “But I have these.”

 

“Oh, right. Ionians use chopsticks.” Riven furrowed her brow. “I don’t know how to use them.”

 

“It’s simple. Here.” Irelia placed them in her hands, positioning her fingers in a certain way. “Try and use them now.”

 

Riven reached over to a piece of meat to pick it up, but she barely moved a muscle before it awkwardly fell back into the dish.

 

“Uh, how do you hold them again?” The chopsticks had already moved severely out of place, forming an ‘x’ as she tried to keep them in her hand.

 

Irelia giggled before moving to help. “Like this. Just try and get the motion right first before you try to get food. Make the tips touch each other.”

 

Riven attempted to do as Irelia instructed, but kept missing. “I don’t think I’m doing this right.”

 

“You’re not. You can’t pick up anything like that. Everything would just fall. Here.” Irelia gently moved Riven’s fingers. “Like this.”

 

Riven nodded and tried to imitate the movement. It was better. Not perfect, but passable. “Can I try to get food now?”

 

Irelia nodded. “You should be fine, although you might make a few mistakes.”

 

…

 

‘ _ A few mistakes _ .’

 

“Why. Can’t. I. Pick. This. Up?!” She angrily stabbed at the piece of meat she’d been trying to get for the last five minutes.

 

Irelia was beginning to get extremely concerned. “Riven, I think you need to calm down.”

 

“I’ll calm down when this fucking piece of shit stops being a such a pain in the as — YES!” Riven held up her prize proudly, a goofy grin on her face as she stared at it sadistically.

 

“ _ Language _ , Riven,” Irelia warned, although amusement was written all over her face. “Good job though!” She clapped.

 

“I told you I could do it.” Riven smirked smugly.

 

Irelia stifled a laugh behind a fist. “Yes, yes you did.”

 

Riven raised the chopsticks to her mouth, to finally reap the fruits of her efforts, only for the piece of meat to fall on the ground at the last second.

 

She glared at it.

 

“ _ Now _ , Riven…” Irelia began to say in a placating tone.

 

She let out a wordless shout of frustration.

 

* * *

 

“Re-revo-revolution?”

 

“Yes, you’re right. Keep going.”

 

Riven groaned. “This is even more difficult than using chopsticks.”

 

Irelia chuckled. “Are you sure? You haven’t given up yet.”

 

Riven pouted. “I did not give up. I just decided to get a fork from my kitchen instead. I mean, I picked up food with the chopsticks, didn’t I?”

 

“Yes, but — ”

 

Riven raised her index finger and placed it on Irelia’s lips. “I got it. That’s all that matters,” she whispered dangerously before lowering her finger.

 

“Whatever you say,” Irelia said with a smile.

 

“Good,” Riven said before she suddenly remembered something. “Wait, aren’t you hungry? You didn’t eat earlier.”

 

The corners of Irelia’s mouth turned downwards. “That’s not important. Now continue reading to me,” Irelia commanded as she inched closer to Riven and the book. “I want to know what happens next.”

 

“You’ve read this before,” Riven deadpanned.

 

“That doesn’t mean anything. Now read.”

 

Riven opened her mouth to protest, but the words suddenly died in her throat as she looked at Irelia.

 

Something about her had captivated Riven.


	9. Conflict

“Is everything alright?”

 

Riven hummed affirmatively. “Why?”

 

Irelia pursed her lips. “You seem kinda… restless.”

 

“Huh, I suppose I am.” Riven shifted around uncomfortably, nervously thumbing the pages of the book in her hands. As nice as relaxing was, her muscles were just begging to be used, not accustomed to the prolonged inaction.

 

Irelia frowned in concern. “If you want to take a break from reading, that’s fine.”

 

Riven shook her head. “No, it’s not that. I just haven’t really worked out in a while, and I guess my body’s missing the exercise.”

 

Irelia stood up suddenly, offering a hand to Riven. “Come on, let’s go.”

 

Riven tilted her head in confusion. “What? Where?”

 

Irelia stared at her expectantly. “Out.”

 

“Why?”

 

The Ionian rolled her eyes. “We’re going to train. You should be strong enough to do it now, even if you can only manage to complete just a few small exercises.”

 

“Oh. Alright, I guess.” She took Irelia’s hand and got up unsteadily.

 

Irelia held onto her, making sure the exile wouldn’t fall. “Woah, careful now.”

 

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Where are we going?” Riven asked.

 

Irelia put a hand to her chin thoughtfully. “Good question. Do you want to go to the training room or just somewhere outside? I'm fine with either one.”

 

“Let’s go outside, in the courtyard if no one’s there. The training rooms are always too crowded.”

 

“Sounds good to me.”

 

* * *

 

Riven cursed under her breath.

 

She regretted skipping leg day. And arm day. And the rest of the body day.

 

Were they even counted in days anymore? Were they weeks now?

 

When was the last time she even exercised?

 

She tried to remember as she ran after Irelia, sweating and panting.

 

The last time she had fought in a battle…

 

Oh, right. It was before the incident.

 

So about a month ago.

 

Riven really regretted just resting the entire time. Sure, she needed to, but she wished that she didn’t need to stay bedridden the entire time. She let the mental fatigue take a great toll on her, and now she was paying the price for her prolonged laziness. She could have done something to keep some kind of daily exercise routine, like take a walk or something, but instead she chose to read. Or at least learn how to.

 

She mentally laughed at herself. The past Riven would barely recognize her. She was lounging around all day instead of training, learning how to read books from an Ionian instead of fighting Ionians. She was even training with an Ionian at the moment too. Even now it seemed like such a ridiculous idea, but here she was, doing just that, doing things that would have be unthinkable just a month ago.

 

But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, was it? Riven was enjoying herself.

 

She was also enjoying the view of Irelia’s backside she had right now.

 

_ … Wait, what? _

 

Her thoughts came to a sudden halt, and so did her movements.

 

She slapped herself. Hard.

 

Irelia stopped in her tracks, turning around to investigate the source of the sound. She frowned when she saw a large red mark on Riven’s right cheek, approaching the exile hastily.

 

“Did… did you just hit yourself? Is everything okay?” Irelia peered into her eyes then examined the bruise forming on her face.

 

Riven shook her head, partly to answer Irelia’s question and partly to clear her mind of those…  _ perverse _ thoughts.

 

“It’s not — I was just um, I — ” she cut herself off abruptly. How would she even explain this?

 

_ ‘Oh, nothing’s wrong. I was just staring at your ass while you were jogging in front of me, and I had to slap myself to stop.’ _

 

Yeah, because that would go over well.

 

No, she had to say something else. Anything else.

 

“You see, I was just distracted by — I mean, preoccupied with certain, uh…” she made a vague, circular gesture with her hand, “ _ things _ I shouldn’t have uh, been look — I mean, thinking about. It-it’s not like anything  _ bad _ , really, well, it  _ kinda is _ , but it’s n — ”

 

Irelia’s frown deepened upon hearing her panicking. “Riven,” she said firmly, interrupting the exile’s verbal diarrhea.

 

“Y-yeah?” she responded weakly.

 

“Are you okay?” Irelia asked softly, her voice laced with concern, her eyes showing worry. Her face had relaxed, and Riven could only think about how nice Irelia looked.

 

Riven swallowed a lump forming in her throat. “Y-yeah?”

 

Irelia sighed. “Come on, let’s just walk for a while.”

 

Riven nodded numbly, silently strolling beside the Ionian. Her breathing was still heavy from running, but oddly Irelia seemed to be just fine. Her skin wasn’t flushed nor was she even sweating, and her breathing wasn’t even audible.

 

“Wow, you’re really in shape.”

 

Irelia’s eyebrows raised up in surprise and she blinked a few times, looking at Riven to make sure she heard her correctly, not expecting the compliment. “I suppose so,” she said quietly, turning her head away from the Noxian.

 

Riven frowned slightly. Did Irelia not like compliments? Or just the ones she was saying?

 

“I mean, you’re not even sweating after exercising,” she commented, testing Irelia’s reactions to more praise.

 

“I guess,” she mumbled, staring at the floor.

 

Riven pursed her lips. “Do you do a lot of cardio? You should tell me what exercises you do.”

 

Irelia muttered something incoherent, but Riven didn’t question her about it. She knew she probably wouldn’t get an answer.

 

“You have a nice body. It’s impressive.”

 

Riven almost froze in place when she let her thoughts slip out of her mouth, and she bit her tongue in anticipation of what Irelia’s reaction would be.  _ I should have worded that better _ , she scolded herself.

 

Instead of being brushed off again or yelled at, she was pleasantly surprised when Irelia responded. “T-thank you.”

 

Riven swore Irelia’s cheeks turned a shade rosier.

 

* * *

 

They’ve been arguing over this for well over half an hour.

 

Maybe more, maybe less. Riven wasn’t actually keeping track of how much time has passed. She was too busy defending her point, and perhaps her frustration with Irelia was making her feel like time was going slower.

 

But she'd be damned if she was wrong.

 

“Why are there so many different ways to spell it if they all sound the same when you say it?”

 

Irelia groaned, once again. “I told you, it’s just how it is.”

 

Riven refused to take that as an answer. “It’s unnecessary. People would still understand what you mean if you used the incorrect one.”

 

The Ionian facepalmed. “Yes, but it’s  _ incorrect _ . That’s why you use the right one.”

 

“To, too, two. They’re all pronounced the same way. It’s not even like the number is pronounced like ‘twoo’, so why is there even a ‘w’ in it?” Riven asked feverently. “Why not just add another fucking ‘o’ instead?! I mean, that’s basically what they’re doing with the others, adding one or getting rid of one.”

 

She really didn’t understand why there were so many words that were spelled differently but were pronounced exactly the same. Okay, they had different meanings, but what was the  _ point _ of it all?

 

“Why can’t you just accept that that’s how it is?” Irelia asked, her voice raising in annoyance. “I’m not some kind of linguist, Riven. I can’t answer all your questions.”

 

Riven scowled. “So you’re just going to accept it, even though you don’t know why it’s like that? That’s just stupid.”

 

Irelia’s face hardened, and she shot Riven an irritated look. “If you’re going to continue being so stubborn over something as silly as spelling, I’m just going to leave,” she warned.

 

“Go ahead,” Riven said with crossed arms.

 

Irelia glared at her. “Fine, I will.”

 

Riven watched silently as Irelia got up and slammed the door behind her while leaving.

 

She just stared at it for a few minutes until she realized what she just did.

 

She sighed, burying her head into her arms and knees. Irelia was right, she was being stupid, and now Irelia’s mad at her.

 

She fucked up.

 

* * *

 

“Ahri?”

 

The mage yelped loudly and slammed closed the picture book she was looking at, hiding it behind her back. Her face was red and her eyes showed fear. “R-R-Riven! What’re you doing here?!” she asked in a panicked voice, her words rushed out of her mouth in one breath.

 

“I could ask you the same question,” she retorted.

 

Ahri bit her lip nervously. “I asked you first! That means you have to answer first.”

 

Riven sighed. Of course she would be like this. “Irelia stormed out of my room, so I decided to come to the archives and take a nap. What are you doing here?” she asked again.

 

Ahri gasped. “It’s only the third day, Rivy! You guys can’t separate yet! Soraka already paid me for the week!”

 

“Just answer my question, Ahri. Don’t avoid the question.”

 

“I…” Ahri turned her head and ears to determine if anyone else was in the vicinity. “I was trying to read,” she said softly after a few moments, bashfully hiding part of her face behind her long hair.

 

“Oh.” She probably could have just assumed that. “What are you so embarrassed about though?”

 

Ahri held the book in outstretched arms, her head turned away in shame. “See for yourself.”

 

Riven took it from her and read the title.

 

_ Animals of the Alphabet. _

 

Riven looked up and raised an eyebrow at the mage. “What’s wrong with it?”

 

Ahri sighed. “It’s a children’s book, Riven.”

 

“I can see that. I don’t see anything wrong with it though.”

 

“I’m 900 years old,” Ahri deadpanned. “I’m not even close to being a child.”

 

“Okay, well,  _ yeah _ , but that doesn’t really matter does it?” Riven asked unsurely. She scratched at the covered scar on her cheek. It was starting it itch.

 

Ahri pouted. “Well it does to me, and that’s what’s important. It’s  _ my _ problem, after all, and  _ only _ mine.”

 

Can’t argue with that logic.

 

Ahri leaned in towards her, gesturing for Riven to come closer.

 

Riven obliged.

 

“Can you help me read my fan mail? I have a ton and it’s cluttering up my room,” she whispered into Riven’s ear.

 

Riven wasn’t expecting that. She didn’t know what she was expecting, actually. Maybe another secret. Probably. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

 

Ahri stood up and clapped once in delight. “Great! Let’s go!”

 

“R-right now?” Riven asked, caught off guard with Ahri’s urgency.

 

“Yeah, my room’s becoming a mess. Well, more of a mess. It’s been a mess since I’ve joined the League.” She swayed back and forth on her feet sheepishly, her tails imitating the motion. Must be a nervous tic. This wasn’t the first time Riven’s seen her do that while distressed.

 

“Ah, okay then.”

 

Ahri grabbed Riven’s hand and led her towards the Ionian wing hastily, reminding the exile of how Irelia had basically done the same thing the day before.

 

Riven’s heart stung a little at the thought.

 

“Here we are!”

 

They arrived in front of a rather simple door, nothing that was particularly fancy like Irelia’s.

 

Ahri reached into her own cleavage.

 

“W-what are you doing?!” Riven nearly yelled out the question, her face red from embarrassment.

 

Ahri rolled her eyes. “Getting the key to my room,  _ duh _ . I don’t have pockets, if you haven’t noticed.” She removed her hand, her fingers holding onto a single key.

 

“Y-you keep your key in your bra?”

 

Ahri blinked. Once. “What’s a bra?”

 

Riven’s face grew even hotter, and she just got even more confused. “J-just forget about it.”

 

Ahri gave her a strange look before she just shrugged to herself, unlocking the door.

 

Strange. She didn’t remember Irelia unlocking her door. She had just opened it without a key. Did she keep her door unlocked, or was Riven just too tired to notice something like that?

 

“Hey, are you just going to stand there or are you gonna come it?” Ahri’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah.”

 

She walked into the room, past the threshold.

 

She didn’t go much farther.

 

She stopped as soon as she entered.

 

“… What the fuck.”

 

Piles and piles of slightly crumpled paper and ripped envelopes littered the entire living room. There were empty and unopened boxes of all sizes all over the place. Riven couldn’t even see the floor or past an absolutely  _ gigantic _ clumpy looking…  _ thing _ , that was covered in wrapping paper. It must have been at least six feet tall.

 

“What…” she walked towards it, “is  _ this _ ?”

 

“That? That’s… um…” Ahri scratched her cheek, where her whisker-like marks were. “I don’t know, actually. I think it’s a present. The summoners delivered it to me along with the rest of them.”

 

Riven gave a concerned look. She was starting to get really worried.

 

“Can I uh, open it?” she asked.

 

Ahri nodded. “I was planning on opening it soon anyways.”

 

Riven began to rip it open.

 

“What the fuck.”

 

It was a gigantic (and very detailed) statue of Ahri. In a bikini. A very skimpy bikini.

 

There was a tag attached to one of her tails.

 

Riven took a closer look.

 

_ Rito pls make Pool Party Ahri _ .

 

“What the fuck,” she repeated once more.

 

Ahri tapped her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

 

Riven shook her head. “I don’t even…”

 

Ahri suddenly took notice of the tag, quickly going over to it. “What does it say?”

 

“I don’t even know. I see the word ‘make’ and your name, but that’s all I understand.”

 

Ahri was crestfallen. “I told you I needed help reading my fan mail, but you can’t even help with something that only has…” Ahri paused, counting the number of words on the tiny slip of paper under her breath, her index finger lightly tapping each one, “six words!”

 

“W-wait! I can probably read some of them, just not that one!”

 

Ahri frowned, snatching up a paper from a rather large pile off the floor. “What does this say then?” she asked, shoving it into the exile’s face.

 

Riven scanned over it.

 

…

 

Oh my god.

 

What the fuck.

 

“I… I don’t think you want to know.”

 

Ahri pouted. “Oh really? Because I don’t think so.”

 

“It’s… a  _ love _ letter, I suppose,” she said, hesitating at calling it that. “That’s the mildest way I can put it.”

 

The mage’s eyes lit up in excitement. “Really?! Read it to me, read it to me!”

 

Riven gulped. “I don’t think you understand.”

 

“Read it to me,” Ahri demanded in a stern tone.

 

Riven leaned into Ahri’s human ear and whispered the vile words.

 

Her face paled.

 

“…  _ O-oh _ . I should just, um, trust your judgment next time.  _ Yeah _ ... Uh, so what do the others in the pile say?” she gestured to the stack of paper she got the letter from. “I organize them by words that look the same.”

 

Oh. Oh that can’t be good.

 

Riven peeked at the one on the top of the stack.

 

…

 

“Ahri?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You should just… burn this pile. Just get rid of it.”

 

Ahri knit her brows together. “Why? Are they all like the other one?”

 

Riven nodded solemnly. “This one’s worse actually.”

 

“Wh — ” Ahri stuttered before she lifted a fist to her face, looking at the pile with a mixture of fear and disgust. “H-how?!”

 

“You don’t want to know.”

 

Ahri opened her mouth but closed it immediately. “I trust you. Help me take this pile and the others out in the hallway.”

 

“The others?”

 

Ahri nodded towards a barely visible table in the middle of the room, cluttered with massive amounts paper, more than the rest of the room. “All of those on that table. I had to move a few to the floor since I uh, got so many like them.”

 

“Oh.”

 

* * *

 

“Please be more careful next time.”

 

“We will,” Ahri said, ashamed.

 

Riven stared at the floor, not able to look her in the eyes. “Sorry for bothering you, Nami.”

 

The Marai shook her head. “It’s not that. I don’t want anybody getting hurt. Fire is dangerous you know, you shouldn’t play with it.”

 

“But we weren’t playing with it!” Ahri retorted.

 

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be more careful,” Nami chastised.

 

Ahri bit her lip.

 

Nami sighed. “Well, if everything’s fine and…  _ not on fire _ , I’ll get going now. Stay safe!”

 

The two waved as she left.

 

“‘Burn the pile’, you said. ‘Just get rid of it’, you said.”

 

Riven shot Ahri a dirty look. “I didn’t mean set the whole hallway on fire!”

 

Ahri bared her teeth in anger. “How else would I do it?! The papers took up the entire length of it!”

 

Fair point. “You could have just gotten rid of them a different way though!”

 

Ahri pursed her lips. “You’re such an ass, Rivy. You’re just as guilty as me!”

 

“I am  _ not _ , I don’t have magical powers that let me conjure fire out of nowhere because I’m just a normal fucking human being!”

 

Riven knew she said something wrong as soon as the words left her lips.

 

Ahri turned away from her sharply. “ _ Leave _ ,” she growled in a threatening tone, one that reminded Riven of their first encounter in the library. “I’ll just read the rest of them myself.”

 

Riven scowled harshly. “Good luck with that.”

 

Ahri walked back to her room and slammed the door shut, the impact echoing through the slightly burned hall.

 

Riven stared at it, boiling with fury, until she just sighed and crouched down, leaning against a wall, putting her face in her knees.

 

First Irelia, and now Ahri. And it was all her fault.

 

Riven never felt more alone.


	10. Recovery

Riven’s right arm was a lot stronger than her left arm.

 

Like Tryndamere, she used a gigantic sword in battle.

 

Like him, she usually wielded it with only one hand.

 

But that didn’t mean she neglected training her left arm. She made sure she trained it just like her right arm, just like the rest of her body. Her left arm was not weak.

 

But right now, it currently had the strength of a baby compared to before.

 

“ **_C’mon!_ ** ” she grunted through gritted teeth, her face contorting into a scowl from the amount of effort she was exerting. She looked down at the dumbbell clenched in her left hand, her breathing uneven and sweat dripping off her forehead, her arm burning with unmeasurable pain.

 

Ten pounds.

 

She couldn’t even lift ten pounds off the ground.

 

Her grip on it tightened. Barely.

 

She tried again.

 

No luck.

 

Riven switched to her right arm.

 

She lifted it easily, her arm barely straining with effort, the way she should be able to it with her other arm. The way she used to be able to.

 

She frowned and dropped it on the floor carelessly, letting out a wordless groan that was drowned out by the harsh sound of the dumbbell hitting the ground.

 

Riven walked over to the couch nearby and fell back onto it with a sigh, rubbing her left arm.

 

_ Weak. _

 

She grimaced at herself.

 

The former poster child of Noxus, reduced to a state like this. It was unthinkable, to imagine that she who once embodied the pinnacle of strength and discipline had allowed herself to deteriorate both physically and mentally.

 

Perhaps the war changed her even more than she’d realized.

 

Riven leaned back into the couch and closed her eyes, putting a cushion to her chest, hugging it closely as she thought about it.

 

She was so tired. She felt completely exhausted. She knew it wasn’t from exercising because that always made her feel more alert, and today was not an exception. The abnormal fatigue plaguing her didn’t make any sense. She’d gone to bed early yesterday and had at least eight hours of undisturbed sleep.

 

No nightmares, no dreams, nothing.

 

Maybe she was just hungry then. She hadn’t eaten anything besides a single protein bar and her morning coffee.

 

Her stomach suddenly began to hurt and her arms pushed the pillow closer to her body.

 

Yeah, she should go get some breakfast. The cafeteria should be open by now.

 

She glanced at the clock on the wall.

 

It was exactly half past seven.

 

She frowned. She would have to wait half an hour if she wanted to get food at the Institute, and that was not going to happen. Not with the way her stomach was growling right now.

 

She pushed herself off the couch, glancing at the door when she heard someone knock a few times.

 

There was only a few other instances where she’d gotten a visitor this early in the morning, and even fewer visitors whose knocking was like clockwork. That meant it was either a summoner or Irelia.

 

Her heart sped up at the thought of the Ionian.

 

She hastily checked her covered scar in the restroom mirror before jogging over to the entrance and unlocked the door, her heartbeat pounding in her ears as she opened.

 

She didn’t know if she was feeling disappointment or relief when she saw a summoner standing in the hallway, but she knew she felt excited when she saw what was in his arms.

 

“Good morning, Exile.” The summoner said it with no malice unlike many others, only using her official title as a greeting. The lack of hostility he had while saying it Riven feel uneasy for some strange reason. “I was your summoner for the competition, and the prizes for winning the match have arrived.”

 

He held out the toy poro that resembled her in his arms and placed it in Riven’s now outstretched hands, grinning as he saw her eyes widen in joy. “They’re really cute, huh?”

 

Riven nodded wordlessly, her lips slightly parted as she lifted the stuffed animal closer to her face, looking it over with childlike amazement.

 

It was so  _ soft _ . She ran her fingers through its silky fur, suddenly aware of how rough her calloused hands were in comparison. She pet the imitation of her hair, surprising herself when it was even smoother than her own. She touched the little pieces of fake armor on it, feeling the intricately crafted textures on the tiny version of her runesword.

 

The summoner’s voice suddenly broke her out of her trance. “Um, if you don’t mind me asking, are… are you okay? You really uh, underperformed that match,” he said timidly, fearing that he would upset the warrior.

 

She sighed, lowering the poro and instead hugged it snugly against her abdomen. “I wasn’t feeling too great,” she replied. It wasn’t necessarily a lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either. She didn’t want people to know about her weakness.

 

“Ah.” He coughed awkwardly, obviously uncomfortable after hearing Riven’s guarded answer. “Well, I hope you’re feeling better now. I should get going.”

 

The summoner waved goodbye, Riven returning the gesture halfheartedly before she closed the door.

 

“Hmm,” she hummed as she looked around her room for a place to put the poro. Maybe she should put it on display instead of just throwing it on her bed. But then again, it was really comforting to hold. Maybe she could have a place to display it during the day then cuddle it at night. Maybe it would help her against the nightmares.

 

She looked down at the plushie in her arms, softly smiling to herself as she looked at it again.

 

Yeah, it probably would, but she definitely wanted to show it off too.

 

Her stomach made a loud growl.

 

She walked over to the couch and placed the stuffed poro there. She’ll find a better spot for it later. For now, her main focus was finding food before her stomach starts hurting even more.

 

She made her way back to the entrance and opened the door again, jumping back when she saw Soraka outside with her fist raised.

 

“S-Soraka! What are you doing here?” Riven asked, her head barely tilted in confusion.

 

The Starchild returned her arm to a normal position before answering. “Well, I was going to ask if you’d like to get some breakfast with me,” she said with a cheery disposition.

 

Riven blinked a few times. That sounded nice, but she was worried that she wouldn’t only be eating with Soraka, but also with Irelia.

 

And Riven wasn’t ready to face her again.

 

“I appreciate the offer, but I uh, I’ll pass.” Riven gave a strained smile in an attempt to remain polite.

 

Soraka’s expression darkened and she crossed her arms. Riven suddenly felt uncomfortable.

 

“I’m sorry, Riven,” she said strictly, not sounding very apologetic at all. “You don’t have a choice again. You’ve already disobeyed my request to stay with Irelia yesterday, and I’ve decided that I need to watch you guys today.”

 

Riven gulped nervously. “O-okay,” she stuttered.

 

Soraka’s mood brightened again, although Riven still felt discomfort from the atmosphere before. “Great. I’ve already made the reservation, and we needn’t keep Irelia waiting.”

 

* * *

 

“Good morning,  _ Exile _ .”

 

A sharp cough from a certain horned lady.

 

A sigh escaped the Ionian’s lips, her posture slackening before she stiffened again. “Good morning,  _ Riven _ .”

 

Riven hesitantly decided to return the greeting. “Good morning,” she said as she carefully observed the Ionian.

 

Irelia was very pointedly avoiding eye contact with the Noxian. Her arms were folded across her chest and her head was completely turned to the side, her eyes intently focused on something that was not the exile in front of her.

 

Her behavior did not go unnoticed.

 

“Irelia,” Soraka warned. “Let’s not be impolite.”

 

Irelia made a disgruntled noise before facing the two that just sat down across from her.

 

The Ionian just stared straight into Riven’s eyes, reminding her of their initial interactions. Making eye contact with her right now made her feel uneasy like before.

 

“So!” Soraka clapped her hands together in an attempt to lighten the mood. “What seems to be the problem between you two?”

 

Riven flushed red as she remembered her embarrassing behavior from the day before. “I uh, I didn’t understand why there were so many written words for something that sounded the same when spoken.”

 

Soraka gave Riven a look. Riven couldn’t quite pinpoint the exact expression Soraka was showing, but she was sure it wasn’t a good one. If she had to guess, she probably thought Riven was dumb.

 

If that was the case, Riven agreed completely.

 

The Starchild turned her attention to Irelia for her side of the story. “I got frustrated with her questions about language. Plus she called me stupid,” Irelia pouted.

 

“What?” Riven asked, confused. “I did not!”

 

“You did,” Irelia said stiffly, her lips pursed in displeasure.

 

Riven’s brow furrowed as she tried to think back to when that could have happened. She didn’t remember calling Irelia dumb. “When did I do that?” she asked in a demanding tone. If she actually did insult Irelia,  _ she _ was the dumb one, not the Ionian.

 

Irelia frowned. “You said that I just accepted things without questioning it, and that that was stupid.”

 

Riven gaped unbelievingly in response to her reasoning. “That doesn’t mean you’re stupid!” she argued defensively.

 

“Yes it does,” Irelia said with a sharp sniff. She looked Riven up and down in disapproval.

 

Riven’s head began to hurt and she groaned, putting a hand to her forehead. This conversation was a fucking mess. “How?”

 

Soraka interrupted Irelia before she could answer. “Okay, let’s calm down. I’m starting to think the reason you two fought wasn’t actually about the difference between written and spoken language.”

 

“It’s not?” The two warriors asked in almost perfect unison, looking at each other strangely afterwards.

 

Soraka shook her head, a small smile on her face as she watched the them interact. “No. I think this is alluding to something deeper than language. Riven, you said that accepting things without question is stupid, correct?”

 

Riven nodded.

 

“And Irelia, you felt offended because of this?” Soraka inquired.

 

Irelia bit her lip unsurely, looking down at the surface of the table. “I was upset because she implied that I was stupid, just because I accepted the way the written common tongue worked without knowing the reason why certain words are spelled the way they are.”

 

“I didn’t mean to make you angry,” Riven said softly.

 

Irelia glanced at Riven, briefly making eye contact before she bashfully returned her gaze to the tabletop.

 

“Okay,” Soraka said after a prolonged silence. “I think that’s a good reconciliation. Shall we finally order some food to eat?”

 

Riven nodded affirmatively. She had forgotten all about being hungry, but at the mention of food her hunger returned.

 

She looked down at the menu.

 

Ionian.

 

She sighed, opening it anyways to see if there was anything she could read.

 

Luckily, there was the name of the dishes in the common tongue as well. Some of them she couldn’t read, but that was expected. She skimmed over the words, her attention more focused on the pictures of food displayed next to some of the dishes. Riven squinted and scrunched up her face to get a better look at them.

 

Irelia noticed Riven struggling with looking at the menu. “Do you require assistance?”

 

The Noxian looked up at Irelia, who was patiently waiting for an answer. “Uh, yeah, that would be nice, actually. What do you like to eat usually? I’ve never had Ionian food besides the other day when you brought me some.”

 

Irelia smiled for a second before her lips formed a frown. The mention of food or eating always resulted in negative responses, but this was the first time she’d seen her smile when Riven discussed it, even if it was just for the briefest of moments.

 

Before Riven could ponder the reason as to why she initially reacted in a different way, Irelia spoke. “I’d suggest getting chow mein. It’s stir-fried noodles, and it’s one of the more popular Ionian dishes for foreigners. Maybe you’ll finally understand why Ahri wanted to eat some the other day.”

 

Riven frowned at the mention of the mage, but then a lightbulb went off in Riven’s head. “Oh, I think I’ve heard of that before. I’ve always heard people say ‘chow main’ though.”

 

Irelia scowled. “No, it’s pronounced like ‘chow mean’ in Ionia. Only foreigners say it the other way.”

 

Riven looked down at the menu again and tried to find what Irelia had recommended.

 

… Found it. There was a picture of noodles next to it too. Irelia said it was stir-fried noodles, so that must be a photo of the dish.

 

Her stomach made another loud sound, attracting the attention of her companions.

 

“Oh my, I think we should call the server over before poor Riven starves to death,” Soraka joked. The Starchild glanced at Irelia discreetly before looking away.

 

Riven raised an eyebrow at the action, before looking over at Irelia.

 

She didn’t notice anything abnormal. Was Soraka expecting a reaction? Maybe, she was probably seeing if Irelia liked the joke.

 

She turned to Soraka, who was staring right back at her. Did she expect her to laugh too?

 

Riven chuckled nervously. “Uh, yeah. I think I’m ready to order."

 

Soraka gave her a strange look before waving over an unoccupied waitress nearby.

 

She said something in Ionian.

 

Riven blinked.

 

Oh boy.

 

Soraka responded in Ionian, and Riven looked to her for help, but she was too busy ordering food. At least, Riven was assuming she was ordering food.

 

The waitress turned her attention to the exile and said something. Was she asking her what she wanted to eat?

 

“Uh, chow mein?” Riven cringed at herself. She sounded so awkward, appropriate since she currently felt like a fish out of water. She had tried to replicate the way Irelia had said it, but it still sounded off in her ears.

 

The waitress paid no extra attention to her distress. She just nodded and exchanged a few more words with Soraka before leaving.

 

“Do you speak Ionian, Riven?” Soraka asked, an amused expression on her face.

 

Riven shook her head slowly. “I don’t. Did I say something wrong?”

 

Soraka laughed. “No, no. You guessed correctly; she was asking you what you wanted to eat. But please, just ask you’re confused next time. I’m always happy to help, even with the small things.”

 

Riven nodded, relieved. She was worried she’d made a fool of herself in front of Irelia.

 

“How long will the food take?” Riven asked. She could feel herself getting hungrier by the second.

 

“Not that long, hopefully. When I come here, I usually only have to wait ten minutes or so.”

 

The two talked, Irelia being content with just listening. A while later, their food arrived. Riven’s mouth watered at the smell.

 

“What’d you order?” Riven had never seen something like it before.

 

Soraka hummed in thought, putting a finger to her chin. “It’s an Ionian appetizer I’m quite fond of. I believe they’re called summer rolls in the common tongue, if I’m not mistaken. Would you like to try one?”

 

“Sure,” Riven said. She grabbed one, Soraka stopping her before she took a bite.

 

“Dip it in the sauce first. It’s not nearly as good plain.”

 

The exile nodded, doing as she was told. She carefully took a bite. “It’s good,” she commented while chewing. “Is that all you’re going to eat?”

 

“ _ Table manners _ , Riven,” Irelia chastised, although her face was anything but stern.

 

Riven swallowed, sticking her tongue out at Irelia afterwards.

 

“Yes, it is. I’m not too hungry right now,” Soraka said. “ _ You _ , on the other hand…”

 

Riven laughed. “I’ll eat the rest of those if you don’t want them,” she joked. She took another bite.

 

Soraka gave her a feigned look of annoyance. “Eat your own food before you start eating all of mine.”

 

The exile ate what remained of her summer roll before digging into what she had ordered.

 

_ Not bad _ , she thought. She took a peek at Irelia, curious as to what she would be doing. Would she finally see her eat?

 

Nope. She wasn’t eating, like usual. But what caught Riven off guard was the Ionian looking in her direction longingly, biting her lower lip. Irelia quickly turned her head away when she noticed Riven looking at her.

 

Riven wanted to ask if she wanted to eat some of her food, to ask if she ever ate around people, but she knew better than to do that at this point. She would just make Irelia upset, and she probably wouldn’t even get an answer.

 

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder as she watched Irelia attempt to sneak glances towards her throughout the meal.


	11. Confusion

“So… What do you want to do?” Irelia asked.

 

Riven shrugged, and the corners of the Ionian’s lips turned downwards slightly. Riven noted how she didn’t like indefinite answers.

 

“I have an idea,” Soraka said before they had another bout of silence. “Let’s go to Bard’s concert! He’s performing at the Institute’s theater tonight.”

 

“Tonight? We’re not going to just wait and do nothing until then. It’s not even noon,” Riven commented. The sun was still bright in the sky, not even completely overhead yet.

 

Soraka huffed. “Well it’s  _ something _ . Do you have any better ideas? Or any at all?”

 

Riven shook her head. “No, but we’ve got nothing to do right now, which is the problem. We can figure out what to do later  _ later _ .”

 

Soraka sighed, putting her hands on her hips. “Fine. What have you two been doing together the past few days?”

 

“Irelia’s been teaching me how to read. That’s why we were arguing over…” Riven subconsciously gestured with her hand as she struggled to find the right word. “…  _ that _ ,” she finished lamely.

 

Soraka looked at Riven with surprise. “You don’t know how to read? How did I not know this?”

 

“Well, yeah. It’s not really something I talk about,” Riven admitted. “Why would I talk about it?”

 

Soraka hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose you have a point. I can help with teaching if you’d like.”

 

Riven curled her lips over her teeth. Normally, she would be fine with the idea, but some reason…

 

She didn’t want accept the offer.

 

But maybe Soraka could help teach someone else.

 

“Actually, I have a friend that—” Riven abruptly stopped herself from saying any more.

 

‘ _ Keep my secret safe. _ ’

 

The sentence repeated itself in her mind, the memory of the mage’s sultry voice ringing in her ears.

 

Would getting someone that’ll teach Ahri how to write help smooth things over between the two? Or would she get mad if she told someone her secret, even if she had good intentions?

 

“Uh, Riven?” Irelia asked unsurely after a moment, waving a hand in front of the exile’s face. “Are you okay?”

 

Riven jumped a little when she came back to her senses. “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. I just uh,” she suddenly paused again, hesitant of what to say.

 

Ten seconds went by before Irelia got impatient. “Just what?” she asked. Her voice was firm like it usually was, but a hint of annoyance had creeped into her tone.

 

“S-sorry, I have to go.” Riven began to run towards the Institute, leaving the two behind her confused and worried.

 

* * *

 

Riven stared at the door.

 

The last time she did this…

 

She felt her determination falter.

 

_ No _ , she thought. The exile shook her head to clear her mind. “Focus,” she whispered to herself. “Focus,” she repeated.

 

She could hear papers being shuffled inside the room, and an unmistakably feminine voice groan in frustration.

 

Riven bit her lip and knocked softly.

 

She could hear the sounds of crumpling paper before the door swung open, revealing a disheveled Ahri.

 

Ahri’s eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up in surprise when she saw who was visiting her, but she quickly suppressed her initial reaction. “Riv—? What’re you doing here?” the mage asked angrily, her animalistic features showing the telltale signs of aggression.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Ahri snorted. “‘Sorry’ isn’t going to cut it,” she snapped, and Riven flinched. She really fucked up this time, didn’t she?

 

“What do I have to do to get you to forgive me?” Riven asked weakly. Ahri was one of the only people she could call a friend, and she didn’t want to lose her because of a stupid argument.

 

Ahri examined her critically, and Riven could feel the mage’s intense gaze on her skin. She faintly felt her chemical burns tingling, the uncomfortable sensation from the large one on her chest making her feel queasy.

 

“Don’t ever do that again,” Ahri whispered, so quietly that Riven barely heard her, so hurt that it made Riven’s chest ache from something other than phantom pain.

 

“I—” Riven paused, not wanting to anger Ahri, but not knowing exactly why the mage was upset. “I don’t quite understand uh, why you got so upset, to be frank.”

 

Ahri looked at her unimpressed. “Really?”

 

“Um…”

 

Ahri pursed her lips. “What did you say?”

 

Riven blinked, caught off guard by the question. “What do you mean?”

 

“What did you say in the hallway that day?” Ahri asked, annoyance now evident in her tone.

 

“I uh, can’t really remember, to be honest,” Riven admitted sheepishly.

 

Ahri scowled at her. “ _ Honestly _ , Riven…” she said in an exasperated tone, and the exile just realized that this was the first time Ahri’s said her actual name.

 

“No nickname?”

 

Ahri shook her head. “Nope. I’m still mad at you.”

 

Riven groaned, her patience wearing thin. “Ahri, please just tell me.”

 

The mage crossed her arms and sighed. “Fine. Come in.”

 

She moved out of the doorway and Riven entered the disorganized room once more. Somehow, it was even more messy and cluttered than before.

 

“So,” Ahri said as she turned to look at Riven. “You really don’t remember, huh?”

 

Riven shook her head. “Sorry.”

 

“Do you remember saying anything about being ‘normal human being’?” Ahri asked angrily.

 

Oh.

 

“I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t normal.”

 

Ahri huffed and crossed her arms. “I know I’m not normal, Riven. And I know I’m not a normal human being, but you should really consider other people’s feelings.”

 

“I know.” Riven frowned as she remembered how unethical she had been in the past.

 

Ahri’s expression softened and she reached out to touch Riven’s shoulder, causing the exile to flinch a little. “I’ll forgive you, but please don’t make me feel like shit again.”

 

Riven nodded numbly, swallowing the lump in her throat.

 

Ahri gave her a small smile before walking past her. “Help me go through my new presents!” she called as she sat down on the floor, busying herself with opening packages. Ahri carelessly ripped apart the wrapping paper on one and threw it aside, only interested in the contents inside the box.

 

“Hey Rivy, what is this anyway?” Ahri held up a lacy push-up bra, poking it with her index finger. “I keep getting these in the mail, but I don’t know what they’re for.”

 

Riven felt her cheeks getting warm. “That’s a bra.”

 

Ahri’s eyes lit up. “Oh, didn’t you mention something about that the other day? Before you carelessly tore my heart apart in the hallway?”

 

Ouch.

 

“Um, yes?” Riven answered unsurely. Was Ahri going to snap at her again?

 

She looked at the mage, who just waited for her to start talking again.

 

“Um, they’re for your breasts. Bras help support them,” she explained lamely.

 

“How does it do that? I’ve noticed these metal bits at the ends of it. Is it like some type of armor?” Ahri asked enthusiastically, eager to have her curiosity finally sated.

 

“N-not exactly…” Riven was not prepared for this conversation.

 

Ahri frowned. “I don’t understand. How’s it supposed to help then?”

 

“I mean, you wear it, but it’s not considered armor. It’s like underwear,” she explained.

 

“Underwear,” Ahri repeated. “Explain what underwear is.”

 

Riven blinked rapidly, her mind processing the request Ahri just made.

 

“You… you don’t know what underwear is,” Riven said incredulously.

 

Ahri shook her head.

 

“Panties? Do you wear panties?” she asked, only receive a nonverbal answer when she saw Ahri’s confused face.

 

She  _ really _ didn’t need to know this much about Ahri.

 

“Okay, well, it’s like clothes that you wear under your other clothes.”

 

Ahri furrowed her brow. “Why would you do that? Like, what’s the point? I don’t think something like this would provide any insulation.”

 

Riven bit her lip. She really didn’t want to discuss this right now. Or ever.

 

But she doubted she had a choice in the matter.

 

“There are uh, various reasons why. I’d rather not go into detail about them,” Riven said, hoping Ahri wouldn’t question her about the subject more.

 

Ahri pursed her lips, but didn’t press the matter any further upon seeing how uncomfortable Riven was. “Okay, so the purpose of a bra’s to support breasts, right?

 

Riven nodded.

 

“So like, what does it do to support them exactly?”

 

Riven couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. “It um, it holds them up.”

 

“How does that help?” Ahri asked, still confused about the purpose of a bra.

 

Riven doubted her skin would ever return to its original pigmentation with how red she must be right now.

 

“It stops them from…  _ bouncing _ , while you do stuff. And it covers…  _ you know _ …” she made a vague circular motion with her hand.

 

Ahri’s mouth opened in realization. “Oh! So that’s why they hurt when I run or something, right? It’s because I don’t wear one?”

 

“Y-yeah, especially since yours are rather…  _ large _ ,” Riven said, still embarrassed about the topic.

 

“Can you show me how to wear it?”

 

“… Yeah, I don’t think that's going to happen.”

 

Ahri frowned. “But I don’t want to keep dealing with these,” she gestured towards her chest, “while I do stuff. I go running a lot, if you didn’t know.”

 

“There are bras more suited for physical activity than others, like how some clothes are better suited for certain weathers than others. This one is lingerie.”

 

Ahri stared at her blankly.

 

“That means it’s um, designed to be titillating, and not very practical to wear.”

 

Ahri looked distressed. “But I thought humans found nudity to be arousing.”

 

Just when Riven thought this conversation couldn’t get any more awkward. “Well, we do. It’s just that some things help to induce…  _ arousal _ .”

 

Ahri pouted. “Humans are so complicated,” she complained. “Why are human mammaries so weird?”

 

“I… don’t know,” Riven said. How was she supposed to respond to something like that?

 

Ahri sighed. “I guess you can’t answer all my questions.

 

“I still have one more though.”

 

Ahri took out a matching pair of panties from the same box. “What are these?”

 

This was going to be a long day.

 

* * *

 

“I think we went through all the packages I got.”

 

Riven would have cheered if she had the energy to, but she didn’t, so she settled for celebrating mentally.

 

“Thanks for helping me today. And the other day too. You’re a good friend, even though you’re super problematic.”

 

Riven raised up her head and looked at Ahri, confused. “What do you mean by that?”

 

Ahri giggled sheepishly. “Ah, well, I mean a lot of things. Do you really want me to list it out for you?”

 

“Um, sure?” Riven felt like she was going to regret saying that.

 

And she did.

 

“To start, you were a ruthless killer that slaughtered Ionians on a mass scale during an invasion, ruining the lives of hundreds of people including other League champions; you blindly followed the commands of your superiors with no ethical pause or consideration of the effects of your actions; and now, you’re a part-time asshole.”

 

Riven blinked, overwhelmed by what she just heard. “What?”

 

Ahri laughed at her reaction, and Riven wasn’t sure how to feel about this. “But it’s fine, don’t worry about it. You’re a better person now, right?”

 

“I… I mean, I guess?” Riven answered, although it sounded more like she was questioning herself instead.

 

Ahri smiled. “You are. I mean, you would have been a full-time asshole if I didn’t get to know you better. Laughing at the way someone sleeps is pretty rude and doesn’t make a good first impression,” Ahri joked, although Riven could tell the mage still felt slightly upset about how the exile had reacted to seeing her asleep.

 

“I already apologized for that.”

 

“That doesn’t mean I can’t hold a petty grudge,” and Ahri gave her a sinister smile. “I’d like to see how good  _ you _ look while you sleep.”

 

“H-hey, that’s a little creepy, don’t you think?” Riven chuckled nervously at Ahri’s sudden change in demeanor.

 

“So is watching someone while they sleep, but you already did that, so it’s my turn now,” Ahri said with a wide grin.

 

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

 

“Well, that’s how it’s gonna go. Plus, I’ve always wanted to have a sleepover!”


	12. Tension

“How do you look so normal while sleeping?” Ahri asked while poking the exile’s cheek repeatedly.

 

Riven groaned sleepily and pulled the sheets over her head. “I don’t know. What kind of question is that? It’s not like I can control how I look when I sleep. I mean, it’s the same for you.”

 

Ahri pouted, but sighed in resignation. “That’s  _ so _ not fair.”

 

Riven uncovered her head and stuck her tongue out at the mage. “Life’s not fair. Deal with it.”

 

Ahri shot a dirty look at Riven, but said nothing more. She got up, walked to the closet, and threw an orange at the exile.

 

Riven sat up, the top of the blanket falling from her shoulders to her lap, and grabbed the orange that just hit her on the arm. “What the fuck? You keep oranges in your closet? In your  _ bras _ ?” Riven could barely comprehend the scene before her. Ahri’s closet was filled to the brim with clothes as expected, but it was also home to a numerous amount of bras hanging all over the place with various fruits placed in each cup.

 

“Well, yeah. I didn’t know what they were for so I just used them as fruit baskets. Sometimes I don’t want to walk all the way to the kitchen to get food.”

 

Riven opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. She’d never been this speechless. She didn’t even know how to change the subject. She wasn’t even sure what emotion she was feeling at the moment.

 

Ahri frowned as she watched Riven just sit on the bed, gaping at her.

 

“Uh, Rivy? Are you okay?”

 

Riven wasn’t sure how she should answer. She didn’t have nightmares, but Ahri’s eccentric actions bothered her in place of them.

 

Well, maybe that wasn’t the best way to describe how it made her feel, but she didn’t know how to describe it exactly. She was at a loss for words.

 

Ahri was about to speak again before she was interrupted by three perfectly timed knocks, snapping Riven out of her daze.

 

“I wonder who that could be,” Ahri thought aloud as she went to answer the door, and Riven dragged herself to the other side of the bed so she could see the entrance without getting up.

 

The mage opened the door, revealing an irritable Irelia standing in the hallway. Riven raised an eyebrow upon seeing her. Why would she visit Ahri, and why did she look so angry?

 

The mage didn’t seem to be sure as to why the warrior would pay her a visit either. “I-Irelia? What are you doing here?” she asked cheerfully, although Riven could tell the friendliness was extremely forced, probably from being nervous about why Irelia was scowling at her.

 

“Where’s Riven?” Irelia demanded, surprising Riven with how aggressive she was being.

 

Ahri frowned, although she was straining to hold back a very apparent animosity. “Why would you be asking me?”

 

“You know why.”

 

Ahri crossed her arms, all traces of friendliness gone. “No, I don’t, actually. And to answer your question, she’s here with me right now.”

 

Irelia’s glare intensified, and so did her displeasure. “May I come in?” she asked, although it sounded like she wasn’t asking for permission at all.

 

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Ahri stepped out of the doorway to let Irelia enter the room, the warrior’s eyes scanning her surroundings.

 

“Where is she?”

 

“In my bedroom.”

 

Irelia’s expression flickered between anger and shock, and she glared into Ahri’s eyes. The mage’s pupils resembled an angry cat’s, making her look more intimidating. The two seemed like they were exchanging threats purely through eye contact.

 

Before they could make their way to her, Riven quickly scrambled to look like she wasn’t just eavesdropping on the two Ionians’ private conversation, as she didn’t think either of them would appreciate that. She covered herself with blankets again and closed her eyes to make it look like she was trying to fall asleep again and not suspicious at all.

 

After a few moments, they entered the room, but the footsteps stopped short. Riven opened one eye groggily and saw Ahri and Irelia looking at her. Both of their expressions had softened, not malicious at all unlike when they were conversing with each other.

 

“Good morning, Riven. Did you sleep well?” Irelia greeted politely, although Riven could hear something in the Ionian’s voice that betrayed her negative feelings.

 

Riven nodded as she faked a yawn. “Yeah, no nightmares.”

 

Irelia smiled, albeit a bittersweet one. “That is good to hear,” she said sincerely, although hesitant. “But are you alright? What caused you to leave so hastily yesterday? Soraka and I had to go to the concert by ourselves.”

 

Riven recoiled slightly. “Um, nothing,” she lied weakly. She wasn’t sure what made her so panicked, but she knew there was a reason besides needing to talk to Ahri.

 

Irelia wasn’t pleased with her answer from the way her lips were downturned, but accepted it without question. “I see. Well, I think I should get going now. You two enjoy yourselves,” she said in a controlled manner.

 

Ahri smirked smugly. “Close the door on your way out.”

 

Irelia gave Ahri one last sour look before taking her leave.

 

Riven bit her lip, unsure of what to say. “Do… do you two not get along?” she asked, although she was pretty sure what the answer would be.

 

Ahri looked at her surprised before scratching her cheek sheepishly. “We aren’t exactly on good terms with each other,” Ahri admitted.

 

Riven frowned slightly. “I’ve noticed. So uh, why is that?”

 

“Um…” Ahri went silent.

 

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Riven said when she saw how uncomfortable Ahri looked.

 

Ahri audibly sighed, relieved. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

 

“Alright.” Riven wasn’t going to make Ahri do something she didn’t want to do, even if she was curious.

 

“What do you want to do today?” Ahri asked, no longer sounding tense.

 

“Uh, I don’t know. Are we spending the day together?” Riven was originally planning to hang out with Ahri since she stayed over, but after seeing Irelia like that…

 

She had to do something to reconcile with Irelia; something in her mind told her that it was her fault that Irelia was upset.   
  


Ahri suddenly looked very alarmed. “I mean, if you don’t want to, that’s fine too! I just thought we didn’t do much last night besides sleep and go through the things my fans sent me.”

 

Riven felt bad for bailing on Ahri since the mage had wanted to do some more things before going to bed, but the exile had fallen asleep while resting on the bed a few minutes after she had been coerced to stay. In her defense, going through Ahri’s ridiculous amount of presents and reading aloud (appropriate) letters for hours was a very tiring task. Staying awake would have been impossible, especially since Ahri’s bed was somehow much more comfortable than her own.

 

Spend more time with Ahri would help make up for her transgression, but just thinking about Irelia being upset…

 

She had to do something. She couldn’t just stay here and do nothing.

 

“Sorry,” she apologized as she got out of bed. “I have things to do today. Maybe some other time?”   
  
Ahri nodded, and despite her effort to look neutral, Riven could tell she was sad about her leaving. “You still need to teach me about underwear and bras, so you better come back soon.”

 

Riven’s face warmed up slightly. “Y-yeah, I will. Just um, try to figure it out on your own for now,” she said as she made her way to the exit, the mage’s intense gaze focused on the exile.

 

For some reason, she couldn’t help but feel dread in her chest as she waved goodbye to Ahri and left.

 

* * *

 

She knocked.

 

No answer.

 

“Irelia?” she called out.

 

Only silence responded.

 

She reached for the handle and to her surprise, she wasn’t met with resistance.

 

Riven opened the door hesitantly and peeked her head inside, calling out for the warrior again.

 

When no one answered, she entered and walked around in search for the Ionian.

 

Minutes passed as she inspected every room for her, but Irelia was nowhere to be found. She frowned. She was going to have to talk to Irelia about locking the door to her room.

 

She went back into the hallway and closed her door, hoping no one saw her.

 

She almost jumped when she saw Ahri staring straight at her, leaning against a wall with her arms crossed. She didn’t look too happy with the exile.

 

“What are you doing?” Ahri asked accusingly.

 

Riven panicked. “I was just um, looking for Irelia.”

 

The mage arched an eyebrow questioningly. “She wasn’t inside?” Surprise was evident in her voice.

 

“Well, no…” Riven trailed off.

 

Ahri pursed her lips. “How’d you get inside then?”

 

Riven bit her lip. Should she tell the truth? Normally, she would have, but after seeing how the two Ionians had interacted with each other…

 

“I have a key,” she lied. Riven wasn’t a very good liar, and her heart pounded as she saw the other woman examine her carefully.

 

“Alright,” the mage finally said, although she was evidently still suspicious. Did she see Riven enter the room without unlocking it? Riven swallowed nervously, but Ahri didn’t question her further.

 

As she watched the mage go back to her room, Riven couldn’t help but wonder why Ahri was watching her in the first place.

 

* * *

 

_ Where would Irelia be? _ she pondered, walking around the Institute. Would Soraka know?

 

She made her way to the infirmary. The Starchild spent most of her time there, volunteering to heal the wounded and the sick, but she surprisingly wasn’t there when Riven asked for her.

 

“Sorry, but she just left a few minutes ago.”

 

Riven frowned. “Do you know where she went?”

 

The woman behind the desk shook her head. “I’m afraid I don’t. If it helps, the Will of the Blades had showed up and retrieved the Starchild for something.”

 

Riven raised an eyebrow upon hearing this, although she wasn’t too surprised. Irelia had said that she goes to Soraka for comfort as well, so it made sense that they would be together after seeing the warrior so upset. But still, where would they go to talk? They weren’t at the hospital nor in Irelia’s room, so maybe they went to Soraka’s room. That’s the only place she could think of at the moment.

 

The exile thanked the woman before leaving the medical ward and started thinking as she walked. What would she say? Why was Irelia upset? What if they weren’t in Soraka’s room? Where would she go then? She shook her head. She shouldn’t worry herself with these unnecessary questions. She needed to focus on the present instead of worrying about future possibilities.

 

When she reached the Starchild’s room, she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders as she heard chatter inside.

 

She knocked.

 

The voices quieted down into nothing as footsteps made their way towards her.

 

“May I he— Oh! Riven!” Soraka was obviously not expecting the exile to visit, but her reaction threw Riven off guard. Why was she so shocked? And more importantly, why did she look so displeased to see her.

 

“Is something wrong?” Riven asked, fearing the answer.

 

Soraka pressed her lips together, her eyes showing the conflicted emotions she felt. “Actually, yes, there is, and I need to attend to it. You can come back later when I’m not busy.”

 

“W-wait!” Riven nearly shouted as Soraka began to close the door on her. The Starchild just stared at her expectantly. “Is Irelia okay?”

 

Soraka’s eyes widened. Riven wasn’t sure why Soraka was behaving so strangely. There wasn’t a reason for her to be so surprised, was there?

 

Soraka frowned. “She will be. Now leave.”

 

Soraka unceremoniously shut the door in her face, and Riven could see a distressed Irelia staring at her from inside for a split second before it closed.


	13. Exposure

What was she going to do now? She couldn’t just go back to Ahri, and her only other friends were out of the question.

 

Maybe she should go to one of the training rooms. She hadn’t been keeping up with exercising, and working out always made her feel better. It’s been awhile since she swung her sword anyway and she was starting to miss the action.

 

So she grabbed her blade and made her way to the training room.

 

Normally, no one approached her in public, as she was one of the more solitary champions. Today, Wukong called her over as soon as she stepped inside.

 

“Do you need something?” she asked, not sure as to why he would want to talk to her.

 

“Yes, actually. I need a sparring partner. Would you be interested?”

 

“Uh, sure.” Riven wasn’t particularly interested in fighting him, but she didn’t see a good reason not to.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you since, you know…” he trailed off awkwardly, not sure what would be the best thing to say.

 

“Thanks,” she said with a bitter taste in her mouth. She hated it, being so weak and not being able to do anything about it.

 

Unfortunately, Wukong interpreted her tone in the wrong way and frowned. “I mean, I can just fight normally. I was just trying to be considerate.”

 

“Oh, no, it’s not that,” Riven assured him. “I appreciate it. I haven’t trained in a long time, so I’m pretty weak.”

 

Wukong clapped his hands together. “Alright! Let’s do this!”

 

He grabbed his signature staff and swung it around a bit to warm up. Riven did the same with her weapon, getting used to the feeling of wielding it again.

 

“Ready?” he asked, already in a fighting stance.

 

Riven nodded and assumed her own.

 

He charged at her, slower than he usually does. Riven dashed out of the way and turned around to strike him, only to back away and look around suspiciously.

 

Was it his clone or was he just standing still?

 

She received her answer when she felt someone behind her tap her shoulder.

 

She spun, ready to defend herself, but Wukong only stood there looking at her.

 

She arched an eyebrow at him, confused.

 

“Actually, I lied. I need to talk to you. Follow me.”

 

The monkey made his way to the exit before stopping, watching her expectantly. She followed him hesitantly, slightly worried about what was happening.

 

He walked around until he found a part of the Institute with no one else around. He stopped and turned to Riven.

 

“So you’re Ahri’s new friend?”

 

She nodded silently, wary as to why he led them to such an empty place for a conversation.

 

“I heard you made her rather upset the other day. Did you apologize yet?”

 

She nodded again.

 

“Good. Don't hurt her ever again,” he warned in a stern voice.

 

Riven felt like he just punched her in the gut. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

Wukong frowned. “But you did.”

 

She winced.

 

“Look, I’m not trying to accuse you or anything. I’m just trying to watch out for her. You wouldn’t believe how many people try to take advantage of her,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t know if she’s told you this, but you’re one of the only people she can call a friend. She might be popular and all but at the end of the day, she’s alone.”

 

Riven recalled Ahri saying something about only having a few friends, but hearing it like this was something else. She felt guilt as she remembered how she had ditched Ahri earlier to find Irelia, only to be disappointed when she reached her.

 

She felt like she should go back to Ahri but at the same time, something was holding her back. She wasn’t sure what, but it made her extremely uneasy. She suppressed the feeling. Ahri needed her.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Wukong gave her a confused look. “For what?”

 

“For watching out for Ahri. You’re a good friend.”

 

He smiled. “I’m sure you’re an even better one.”

 

He paused, his face conflicted. “She cares a lot about you, more than you know.”

 

He left before she could respond.

 

* * *

 

“Rivy? I thought you had things to do?”

 

“I’m done with them,” she said. It wasn’t really a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either.

 

Ahri beamed at this and grabbed Riven’s hand, pulling her inside. “Great! I was just about to start trying on underwear!”

 

Riven’s face paled. “O-oh.”

 

She led Riven to her bedroom. “Wait here,” she instructed before going back into the living room.

 

Riven swallowed. She had a bad feeling about this.

 

Ahri came back a few seconds later holding a pile of the fanciest lingerie Riven had ever laid eyes on (although she hasn’t see many to begin with). She set them on the exile’s lap.

 

“So like, how do you put these on? Can you demonstrate how to wear it?” she asked, holding up a particularly racy bra.

 

Riven blushed bright red. “I… I can’t. I have really sensitive scars on my chest, and wearing bras irritates them,” she said, grateful she had an actual excuse, even though she had to bring up something as personal as that.

 

“Oh,” Ahri said in a small voice, her face a mixture of concern and disappointment. “Well, can you help me put it on then?”

 

Riven hesitated, but agreed to do so despite her conscience telling her not to.

 

Ahri grinned. “Great! So they’re supposed to go under my other clothes, right?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“So I would have to be naked while putting them on?” Ahri asked innocently.

 

“Uh, y-yeah.”

 

Ahri bit her lower lip and looked away from Riven self-consciously. “I um… I…”

 

“I’ll look away!” Riven exclaimed quickly, her voice higher than usual. Why was she so panicked?

 

Ahri looked a little less nervous, although she clearly wasn’t comfortable. “Don’t peek, okay?”

 

Riven nodded and looked away, but she had the urge to look while Ahri stripped. Why did she have to bring that up?

 

She refrained from indulging her perverse desire and stared at the wall.

 

“Um, how is this going to work?” she heard Ahri ask after a few moments.

 

“What do you mean?” Riven asked, her eyes still glued to the wall.

 

“I don’t know how to put them on, so…”

 

Riven’s eyes widened as she racked her brain for a solution.

 

“D-did you bring any panties?”

 

Ahri hummed. “I think so. They’re kinda shaped like triangles, right?”

 

“Y-yeah, do you think you can figure out how to put them on?”

 

“I’ll try.”

 

A few seconds passed before the mage spoke again.

 

“The purpose of these is to cover my genitals, right? So people can’t see them if I’m wearing a dress or whatever?”

 

Riven hummed affirmatively. “And hygiene,” she added, her cheeks and ears turning red at the discussion of…  _ those _ parts.

 

She almost laughed at herself for being so childish about this ordeal. Why was she so embarrassed? They were both mature women.

 

Even though Riven always did find women attractive.

 

She frowned. She should just stop thinking about that. It  _ really _ wasn’t helping.

 

“These are really tight,” Ahri complained.

 

Riven clenched her jaw. “They’re probably the wrong size then. Try a different one.”

 

She heard some more movement and the sound of fabric hitting skin.

 

Riven’s heart thumped hard a beat later.

 

“Okay, these feel better.”

 

Riven sighed in relief. She was not ready to see that part of Ahri, nor go anywhere near it.

 

“Okay, so you see the bras?”

 

Silence.

 

“Ahri?”

 

“Oh! Sorry, I nodded, forgetting that you can’t see me.” Ahri giggled at herself.

 

Riven gulped.  _ Don’t look _ , she reminded herself.

 

“Can you like… put one on your shoulders or something so it covers your… y-your…”

 

“Nipples?” Ahri deadpanned.

 

Riven nodded her head quickly, embarrassed.

 

“Wow, Rivy, just say it. It’s not that bad, is it?”

 

Was Ahri teasing her? Riven was beginning to feel light-headed.

 

“C’mon, Rivy!” she felt Ahri playfully swat at her shoulder. “Say it!”

 

She groaned. “Nipples. Now go put on a bra!”

 

She waited a few more seconds.

 

“Okay, I’m decent now.”

 

Riven hesitantly looked over and almost had a nosebleed.

 

“I don’t think anyone can be called that while wearing that type of underwear.”

 

Ahri had decided to pick the most scandalous ones to try on, and the bra she chose was  _ way _ too small for her.

 

“Ahri…”

 

“Yes, Rivy?” she asked, batting her eyelashes.

 

“That bra won’t fit you.”

 

Ahri raised an eyebrow at her. “How do you know that?”

 

Riven rolled her eyes. “You’re showing  _ much _ more skin underneath the bra than above it.”

 

Ahri frowned. “How’s it supposed to fit then?”

 

Riven walked over to the pile of lingerie and picked up the bra she figured would work the best. Luckily for her, it was also the most conservative one, although that wasn’t the way she would normally describe it.

 

But compared to some of these…

 

Yeah, it was pretty conservative.

 

“Here,” she said, handing Ahri the bra she chose. “This should fit you.”

 

The corners of Ahri’s lips slightly turned down as she examined the bra. She sighed, shrugging to herself before she took off the one she (barely) had on.

 

Riven looked away a little too late.

 

There were times where Riven wished Ahri wasn’t so damn attractive, but right now…

 

Riven wasn’t sure she could handle any more of this without passing out.

 

“Okay, so I understand how these things would cover my breasts, but I don’t understand how to fasten the things in the back.” Ahri raised an arm and reached for the center of her back, but only succeeded in uncovering a nipple.

 

Riven lowered Ahri’s arm and returned it to her side. “L-let me help you with that.”

 

Ahri looked at her strangely. “But how will I figure out how to wear one if you do that?”

 

“I’ll teach you later,” she answered quickly. Anything to prevent Ahri from accidently showing more of herself than needed.

 

Ahri pursed her lips before she gave in reluctantly. “Fine.”

 

Riven sighed mentally before going behind the mage, only to find her tails blocking the way.

 

“Can you move your tails so I can reach it?”

 

“Oh yeah. Sorry,” Ahri apologized sheepishly before lowering her many tails.

 

Riven reached out to fasten the bra, but struggled trying to.

 

“Is everything going alright back there?” Ahri asked unsurely after a few failed attempts.

 

“Y-yeah, I just haven’t used one in a while so I’m a little rusty.”

 

About a minute later, she succeeded.

 

She celebrated her victory internally, proud of her achievement.

 

Riven went back to Ahri’s front side and examined her figure.

 

To see if it fit, that is. Nothing else.

 

She frowned at what she saw. “Adjust it so the bottom half doesn't press into you so tightly.”

 

Ahri followed her instructions, visibly relaxing as it no longer squeezed into her breasts.

 

“Is that it?” Ahri asked after a brief pause.

 

Riven nodded. “Yep.”

 

Ahri clapped her hands. “Yay! We did it!”

 

Riven laughed, amused by how happy Ahri was from putting on underwear for the first time.

 

“I… I still have one question though,” Ahri said after long silence, her voice thick with apprehension.

 

“What is it?” Riven asked, worried about what made Ahri so distressed suddenly.

 

Ahri visibly steeled her resolve before she seductively sauntered over to Riven’s side, pressing her body against the exile’s, reaching for her hand before interlacing their fingers together. Riven felt like a cornered animal as she looked into predatory bedroom eyes. She shivered when she felt Ahri’s fingers trailing over her biceps, the mage smirking almost devilishly at her reaction.

 

“Would you like to stay the night?”


	14. Denial

Riven froze.

 

She opened her mouth in an attempt to respond, but no words came out. Her throat was dry and her mind was blank.

 

This wasn’t like the last time Ahri asked her to sleep over. Nope. That was completely different in meaning.

 

She had a feeling she wouldn’t be getting much sleep if she stayed here.

 

Ahri waited for her to answer, but from the way the mage’s eyes were starting to water, she already knew what Riven was going to say.

 

‘ _ Don’t ever hurt her again. _ ’

 

Wukong’s voice resonated in her mind, and she suddenly realize what he meant when he said that Ahri cared about her more than she knew.

 

She didn’t think it’d be like  _ this _ .

 

“I… I need to go," she said, forcing the words out of her mouth.

 

She turned her head away from Ahri.

 

She knew she wouldn’t be able to leave if she saw her crying. She didn’t want to hurt her more than she already did.

 

“O-oh. T-that’s no problem,” Ahri said in a weak voice, stuttering over her words as she struggled to hold back tears. Riven’s chest stung when she heard how heartbroken Ahri sounded.

 

“I’m sorry, Ahri. I just… I just don’t want either of us to do something we might regret.” Saying that took more willpower than Riven would admit.

 

She saw Ahri frown from the corner of her eye. “I won’t regret it.”

 

Riven groaned. “But I might. I’ve never…” her voice died down, embarrassed.

 

“It’s okay. I um, I haven’t either if that makes you feel better.” Ahri laughed bashfully and looked down at the floor.

 

Riven turned to look at Ahri, surprised, but quickly averted her eyes again. “You haven’t?” she asked, her voice heavy with disbelief.

 

Ahri sniffed sharply, displeasure written all over her. “I have not,” she confirmed, her eyes warily studying Riven. “Are you trying to imply something, Riven?”

 

There goes Ahri refusing to use her nickname, and that’s how she knew she did something wrong. That and the sinking feeling she got in her gut.

 

“N-no! I just thought, you know…” She made a vague hand gesture.

 

“No, I  _ don’t _ know, Riven,” Ahri snapped. “Would you care to enlighten me?”

 

And again. For some reason, her actual name made her feel unsettled when Ahri said it.

 

“I mean, you’re really attractive, Ahri. Like,  _ really _ attractive,” she admitted with a beet red face, and she was glad she couldn't see Ahri’s reaction to her confession. “I just assumed that you’re no stranger to sex because of that,” Riven bit down on her lower lip, hoping she had placated the mage.

 

Unfortunately, it caused the opposite of the desired effect. “Are you saying I’m a slut?” Ahri asked accusingly, and Riven panicked again.

 

“What? No, of course not!” she exclaimed with shock, almost offended that Ahri would think that she would imply something like that. “It’s just, you can have anyone you want, so it’s hard to believe you’re a virgin. I’m not trying to be rude, I swear!”

 

She stole a glance at Ahri’s face and wasn’t sure if she should feel relieved. The mage was no longer visibly angry, but she looked even more upset.

 

Ahri scoffed bitterly, looking at the exile with a pained expression.“ _ Anyone I want?  _ **_Anyone I want?_ ** That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard. I want  **_you_ ** , Riven, but you just rejected me a minute ago after I literally  _ threw _ myself at you.” Ahri choked back a sob, tears threatening to leave her eyes.

 

Riven winced, turning her head away from Ahri even more. She stared at the wall. She’d never felt so guilty in her life, and she was no stranger to guilt.

 

A few minutes passed before Ahri had calmed down, although Riven could hear her quietly crying behind her the entire time.

 

Ahri clicked her tongue under her breath in disapproval and to catch her attention. “Why don’t you look at me when I’m talking to you, Riven?”

 

She hesitated.

 

Ahri sighed, as her irritation with the exile grew. “I’m not going to charm you into having sex with me, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’d be offended if you thought that I would do that. I care about you, Riven. If I’m going to be with you, I want the feeling to be mutual without any magical interference. I’m not looking for sexual gratification, Riven. I want  **_love_ ** .”

 

Riven shifted uncomfortably. “No, Ahri, that isn’t why I’m not looking at you. I just…”

 

“Just  _ what _ ?” Ahri demanded impatiently, desperation audible in her voice.

 

She turned to face Ahri. She’s had enough of this, of everything.

 

“ _ I just can’t stand seeing you upset,  _ **_okay_ ** _?! _ ” she shouted out loudly, her voice cracking with unbridled emotion. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re crying! I’ve already hurt you and everyone one else, and I just want it all to  **_stop_ ** ,” she finished, breathing heavily from her short yet intense outburst.

 

Ahri looked at her with a mixture of hurt and pity on her face, then pressed their bodies closer together in a gentle hug.

 

“It’s okay, Rivy,” Ahri cooed into her ear, the mage’s hot breath washing over the sensitive skin. “You can still make me happy. I promise I’ll do the same for you.”

 

Ahri sensually ran her fingers down the back of the exile’s neck, making the hairs on her skin stand up.

 

Riven shivered involuntarily and gently pulled away from Ahri’s embrace. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

 

Ahri crossed her arms, extremely frustrated with the mixed messages she was receiving from the warrior. “You  _ can’t _ or you  _ won’t _ ?”

 

Riven grimaced. “I don’t know.”

 

Ahri stared at her for a few more seconds before she turned her head away from the exile, hugging herself with her arms now.

 

“ _ Go _ ,” she ordered with a quiet whisper, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks.

 

“W-what?” Riven asked nervously, afraid she’d angered Ahri again.

 

The mage flinched, but repeated herself. “Go. Leave. You and I both need to sort out our feelings, and that’s not going to happen if we’re in the same room.

 

“So go, get out of here. Get out of my room, and only come back when you’ve made up your mind.”

 

* * *

 

_ Riven stood in the darkness, surrounded by naught but pure black. _

 

Where am I? _ she thought, her conscience the only thing she was aware of. _

 

_ She tried move. _

 

_ She couldn’t. _

 

_ She frowned mentally, unable to express herself. _

 

_ She tried to call out into the void, but her throat produced no noise, her mouth sealed shut. _

 

_ She was in a vacuum, her senses completely numbed and useless. She could see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing. _

 

_ But she was conscious. _

 

_ She waited, as that was the only thing she could do. Her mind did not allow her to think beyond the nothingness. _

 

_ She saw the faintest speck of the color green in the far distance, growing bigger and more vibrant with each passing second. _

 

_ She tried to strain her eyes to see it better, but wasn’t able to. She settled for waiting until it was closer to her. _

 

_ Alarms went off in her head as she realized what she was looking at. _

 

_ A thick, rolling draft of green smoke was heading straight towards her. _

 

_ She tried to move, to scream, to do anything at all. _

 

_ But she only stood still, just waiting. _

 

_ She watched in paralyzed horror as the cloud of poison descended upon her. Toxins met skin and ravaged her body as soon as it made contact. It spread to every inch of her body, all the nerves burning with pain. She couldn’t do anything; she couldn’t react. _

 

_ Then, nothing. _

 

* * *

 

Riven jolted upright in a cold sweat, the chilly night air on her skin a welcoming sensation. She threw the damp blanket off of her. She started shaking uncontrollably, and her head started spinning and aching from both her sudden movement and the dream.

 

She lied back down slowly. There was no way she could get up and out of bed, not after what she just went through. She hadn’t felt that much pain from a nightmare in a long time. She could still feel every part of her stinging sharply from the memory of a pain that was no longer there.

 

She rolled over to her side with a gritty groan, her eyes landing on the poro plushie she had received a few days ago. She reached for it and pulled it to her chest, wrapping her arms around it in a hug.

 

Just another nightmare, nothing more than the results of an overactive mind.

 

But the phantom pain she experienced still felt so  _ real _ , so physically present on her body.

 

She squeezed the stuffed animal closer to her, taking comfort in the soft materials it was made of.

 

She felt a little better, but she couldn’t help but think about how it paled in comparison to human compassion. Soraka cared a lot and was always there for Riven, but she instead found herself thinking about Irelia, found herself wishing the Ionian was here with her.

 

Irelia understood. She didn’t just show empathy. No, she understood on more than just a fundamental level.

 

Her mind went back to the look on Irelia’s face in the library, after she had the nightmare. Then the memory of drinking tea with her, the calming sensation washing over her again before disappearing to the back of her mind. She would have to go buy some tea later. It was starting to grow on her.

 

But she’d do that later. She had more important things to take care of.

 

Namely Irelia. What was wrong with her? Riven had no idea what had caused Irelia to start behaving so strangely. Maybe she was starting to have the dreams too. Riven always acted differently whenever they came to her, at least when she was still traumatized by them. Maybe Irelia had a really bad one recently.

 

But still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Irelia was mad at her, and it bothered her more than it should have. Irelia meant a lot to her, and so did Ahri and Soraka, but Irelia was different from them for some reason. Irelia made her feel something she couldn’t describe, something that was completely foreign to her, and Riven didn’t understand it.

 

Irelia confused her.

 

She stayed in bed, curled up in a fetal position with the poro in her embrace, for what must have been a few hours. Riven could see the first rays of sunlight beginning to seep through the window shades, causing the room to softly glow with a warm color.

 

She took that as a sign to get out of bed.

 

Riven sat up and stretched, not bothering to cover her mouth when she yawned for almost ten seconds. What was she going to do today?

 

Well, she was going to try and talk to Soraka or Irelia, but what if they shut her out again? Should she just train? It’s been about two months since the incident, and she should be allowed to participate in League matches soon. She was in no condition to fight again, especially since she could count the number of times she exercised since then with one hand.

 

She went about her usual morning routine. Brush her teeth, shower, and redress her scars with new bandages.

 

Riven allowed herself a small smile. She felt at peace while performing these simple tasks. They were constant, something stable in her life, which has been far too spontaneous for her liking recently.

 

She only hoped that everything would go back to normal, but she knew that wasn't going to happen.

 

But she still hoped. She’s learned that sometimes, morale is everything.


	15. Relief

Riven did a double take.

 

… Nope. That was just a random Ionian woman with long, straight black hair, her body slim and her skin pale. A stereotypical Ionian woman.

 

She sighed. Was she racist for thinking that every Ionian woman that walked past her was Irelia? Even if it was mostly just because she thought their hair was similar at first glance?

 

Riven subtly stretched her neck and took a peek at the face of another Ionian woman that just walked past her, only to be disappointed again. Maybe Riven was being a little racist, but Irelia definitely looked like a stereotypical Ionian woman, and so did every other woman in the store besides the exile. Well, Irelia wasn’t like the rest of them though. Irelia was different, special.

 

She thought she might have run into her while she went to the biggest Ionian supermarket in town. Irelia had left her room that one time to buy some tea there after they ran out. Riven stayed in the room after Irelia insisted she did, so she’d never actually been here until now.

 

And now, she was completely lost. The place was huge, and everything was written in Ionian. Irelia didn’t tell her that. She only told her about what Ionian snacks were good after she bought her some to eat (and they were _damn_ good). She said something about buying groceries there every Sunday morning too.

 

Well, it was a Sunday morning. Where was Irelia?

 

Maybe she should have just stood at the entrance. But that would be weird, wouldn’t it? She couldn’t do that. She had to look like she wasn’t waiting for Irelia, even though that was exactly what she was doing.

 

But she couldn’t do that now even if she wanted to, even though it was probably her best shot. She had things in her basket, and while she could recognize the snacks because of their colorful packaging and unique designs, she was stuck while looking for tea.

 

The tea Irelia bought was in a container, but there were tons of containers here, and she couldn’t read any of the labels.

 

Normally, labels are used to distinguish a certain product from others, but the labels here didn’t do anything for her besides confuse her even more.

 

She tried to remember what the label looked like on the one Irelia bought, but her memory was fuzzy. She didn’t pay attention to the tea’s packaging. Why would she? She was busy focusing on memorizing words.

 

That would have been useful if things were written in the common tongue here, but they weren’t.

 

She continued walking through the different aisles with a perplexed expression, her eyes scanning over every item on the shelf.

 

A familiar voice snapped her out of her daze. “Riven?”

 

Irelia was looking at her with shock written all over her face, not even bothering to hide it. She didn’t look like she was upset with the exile, but she didn’t look like she was particularly happy with her either.

 

But for some reason, Riven couldn’t help but focus on the fact that Irelia was still fully equipped in her armor. Who wears armor to go grocery shopping? Come to think of it, she’d never seen her wearing anything else. Why would she wear armor everywhere all the time?

 

“Um, Riven?” Irelia called out to her again.

 

“Huh? Oh.” Riven quickly composed herself and weakly waved at Irelia, unsure of how to greet the Ionian. “Hey.”

 

Irelia cleared her throat. “What are you doing here?”

 

Riven looked away in embarrassment. “I’m trying to buy tea, but I have no idea where the tea is.” She laughed bashfully.

 

She saw Irelia smile a little and shake her head. “Follow me.”

 

She led Riven to an aisle she had passed by a few minutes ago, going to the middle of it and grabbing one container off of the shelf.

 

“Did you want the same tea I drink?” Irelia shook the container in her hand for emphasis before putting it and a few more in her own basket.

 

Riven nodded. “Yeah, I like it. Plus, I don’t really know what else there is,” she scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

 

Irelia smiled at her. “I thought you would. It seems you like the snacks I chose too. It looks like we have similar tastes, huh?”

 

Riven wasn’t sure what she was talking about until she noticed Irelia staring at the rest of the stuff in her basket. “Oh, yeah, I guess we do.” Riven frowned slightly at the mention of food, something Irelia would normally do, but now Riven was the one bothered about it. Did the Ionian warrior only eat snacks? She doubted it, but Irelia’s never eaten anything in her presence. She wasn’t reacting negatively at the mention of snacks, although she was the one that brought it up the topic of eating this time.

 

She heard a faint and indistinct noise in the background before a pale hand waved itself back and forth in front her face. “Hello? Riven?”

 

Riven blinked, only to find Irelia staring directly at her. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

 

Irelia sighed, annoyed, and repeated herself. “Soraka still wants us to spend the rest of the week together. What do you want to do today?”

 

“Can we read?” Riven asked. She was determined to be literate. Simple everyday tasks would be so much easier if she could read at more than a basic level. Plus, she could help out Ahri with all her stuff.

 

She inwardly groaned as she remembered the day before. She went to Ahri’s room yesterday to ask if she would let Soraka teach her how to read, an attempt to make up with the mage, but then _that_ happened and she forgot all about it, and now things even probably even worse between them.

 

Why was everything becoming so complicated?

 

“Riven.”

 

Riven shook her head. “Huh? What?”

 

“Riven, are you okay? You’re spacing out quite a lot.” Irelia sounded extremely concerned. Riven felt both happy and upset about this. She was secretly happy that Irelia cared about her but upset because she was making Irelia stress over her.

 

“I’m fine,” she said, but she wasn’t sure if she even believed the words that came out of her mouth.

 

Irelia didn’t seem to either. Riven couldn’t help but stare at the way her lips moved when she frowned. “Follow me.”

 

Riven turned to look at the Ionian who was already walking away. “Wait, where are we going?”

 

Irelia didn’t even turn around when she responded to her. “We’re going to pay, then we’re going to your room. Get your tea and meet me outside.”

 

* * *

 

“Your choice in decor isn’t something I’d expect from someone that exiled themselves from their city-state,” Irelia remarked, her eyes focused on the Noxian banners that hung around the room.

 

“I guess,” Riven mumbled under her breath. The nationalistic decorations were the only thing she changed since she moved in, but compared to Irelia’s room…

 

“Hey, Irelia?” she called out as she remembered something.

 

“Hmm?” Irelia turned to look at her, no longer analyzing her surroundings. “What is it?”

 

She hesitated. “Why don’t you lock the door to your room?”

 

Irelia pressed her lips together in a tight line. “I don’t see a reason to do so.”

 

Riven frowned. “Well, for starters, safety. Your safety is a good reason.”

  
Irelia shook her head. “I don’t spend any time in my room, so there’s no reason to be concerned about my security. I appreciate the sentiment though.”

 

Riven only felt more troubled, the corners of her eyes creasing slightly as her frown deepened. “You don’t go in there? Ever?”

 

Irelia shook her head again. “Only sometimes when I need to, but very rarely.”

 

Riven’s brow furrowed. “So where do you sleep?”

 

Irelia looked at her strangely. “Why do you want to know?”

 

She instantly realized how her question could be viewed as creepy. “I was just curious! I mean, I know you can shower in the gym since you don’t use your own apparently, but where else can you sleep besides your room? There’s no extra beds lying around here, none that I know of anyway, and I don’t think you go out of the Institute every night to sleep in a hotel or something. Do you sleep with someone else or something?”

 

Irelia immediately stiffened. “That’s none of your business.”

 

Riven paled when her mind finally registered the way she had worded the question. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

 

Irelia didn’t respond, but Riven could see the conflicted emotions beneath her visage and the faintest trace of a blush on her cheeks.

 

Riven stared at the floor awkwardly and sighed, embarrassed at herself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as nosy. I’m just trying to make sure everything’s okay. I’m worried about you,” she admitted.

 

Irelia bit her lip, her eyes glued to the floor. “Riven,” she called out.

 

The exile looked up, feeling disappointed when she saw that Irelia was still avoiding eye contact. “What is it?”

 

“Can… can I trust you? With a secret?” Irelia asked quietly, her voice tinged with… wait, was that _fear_?

 

Riven gently placed a hand on Irelia’s shoulder, recalling how Zac had done that to comfort her. Irelia froze for a second before relaxing again. She didn’t move away, so Riven took this as a good sign.

 

“Of course you can,” she reassured in a soft voice. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I…” Irelia trailed off, hesitant. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while, but I don’t think I can hide it anymore. I’m not… I…”

 

Riven just patiently waited for her to speak, not wanting to rush her and make her feel uncomfortable.

 

“… Never mind.”

 

“Oh.” Riven couldn’t help but feel disappointed, but she wasn’t going to press Irelia to do something she didn’t want to do. “That’s fine. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

 

Irelia shook her head, still not looking at the exile. “No, it’s not.”

 

Riven unconsciously tilted her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

“I have to tell you this,” Irelia said with a surprising amount of determination, turning to face the Noxian. It almost sounded like she was talking more to herself than Riven.

 

“Tell me what?” Riven asked, almost desperately.

 

Irelia took a deep breath. “Something very important to me. Let’s spar tomorrow morning, somewhere isolated outside of the Institute. I’ll tell you then.”

 

“Alright,” she said unsurely. What was bothering Irelia so much and why was it so private?

 

She pushed her curiosity to the back of her mind. She’ll find out soon enough, no reason to be impatient. “Anyway, we came here to read so let’s do that.”

 

Irelia visibly became less tense, her shoulders lowering and her facial expression neutralizing. She suddenly grinned, her eyes lighting up. “Actually, I have a better idea.”

  
Riven raised an eyebrow at the Ionian. “What is it?”

 

“Do you know how to write?”

 

Riven nodded. “I haven’t written much besides military reports so my handwriting isn’t the best, but I’ve never received any complaints about it.”

 

Irelia waved a hand dismissively. “We can always work on that later. Do you have some papers and something to write with?”

 

“I don’t know. Let me check.”

 

She searched through the drawers in her bedroom, but was unsuccessful in her search. She was greeted by the sight of Irelia holding her stuffed poro, her fingers running through the soft fur.

 

“Did you win this from that one tournament?” Irelia asked without looking at Riven, her attention directed at the toy in her arms.

 

“Yeah, I did.”

 

Irelia smiled contently. “Perhaps I should have tried to participate. I must admit, this is rather cute.”

 

Riven felt her face grow warm as she watched Irelia pet the toy poro.

 

“Y-you didn’t sign up?” Why did she just stutter?

 

Irelia pursed her lips. “I did not. I didn’t see why I would compete in a League match for something so frivolous when I could be doing something more productive.”

 

Riven scowled and took the poro from Irelia. “Over a hundred people would disagree. A lot of people were willing to fight for this.” She raised the toy to emphasize her point, moving the poro’s arm to make it look like it was swinging its sword at an invisible enemy.

 

Irelia grunted indignantly. “Whatever. I see you don’t have the materials,” she noted with disappointment.

 

“I don’t. Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. We’ll just go to my room. I have a notebook and a few pencils inside.”

 

“O-okay. Let me just put this down and lock the door first.”

 

Irelia patiently waited for Riven before the duo left the exile’s room and made their way to the Ionian wing.

 

“So… What exactly are we going to be doing?”

 

Irelia smirked, but she did not look at the exile. Instead, her unblinking eyes were focused solely on what was in front of her. “You’ll see.”

 

The rest of the trip was silent. The two finally reached Irelia’s room after a few minutes, entering it without needing to unlock the door.

 

Riven _really_ wanted to address it because it was _really_ starting to bother her, but she managed to refrain from doing so. Irelia said she’d tell her tomorrow.

 

“Sit down,” Irelia ordered as she lazily gestured to the couch. “We’re going to play a game.”

 

Riven did as she was told, watching as Irelia emerged from her bedroom with a notebook and a pencil.

 

She sat down next to the exile and placed the notebook on the table, drawing a few short dashes and… _something_.

 

“What is that?” She gestured to it with a finger as Irelia sat down beside her.

 

She looked at where Riven was pointing and then at the exile, surprised. “You mean you’ve never played Hangman?”

 

“‘ _Hangman_ ’? What kind of game is this?!” she asked, appalled at the name.

 

Irelia rolled her eyes. “It’s a children’s game. They don’t understand the severity of death.”

 

“When I was younger, I didn’t have the luxury of being ignorant,” she said in a low voice, her eyes glazed over as memories of her childhood filled her mind.

 

She still remembered the day she was drafted into the military like it happened yesterday. She didn’t have a choice. It was either that or continuing to beg in the streets, and that wasn’t the life she wanted. That day was the day she found a purpose, something to do besides stealing food on a daily basis just to survive.

 

But it was more than just that. It was the day she fell in love with Noxus.

 

“Riven.”

 

Hearing her name being called brought her back to reality.

 

“Huh?”

 

Irelia leaned in towards her, speaking in a soft voice that immediately comforted her. “The past is in the past. Focus on the present. You keep zoning out, and you’re really starting to make me worry.”

 

The look on Irelia’s face made Riven’s chest hurt, like she felt guilty for causing her to make that expression.

 

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I guess I’m just tired.”

 

Irelia squinted at her, not quite believing Riven’s excuse, but she didn’t question her further. “It’s fine. Anyway, I’ll explain the rules now.

 

“You’re going to try to figure out what word I chose by guessing the letters in it. These lines represent where the letters are and how long the word is. If you guess a letter correctly, I will write it on a line or lines, depending on how many times it appears in the word. If you guess incorrectly, I will draw a part of a stick figure on the scaffold. You lose if I draw the complete the drawing. You win if you guess the word correctly, but you’ll get penalized if you guess wrong. Understand?”

 

Riven nodded. “Sounds simple enough.”

 

“Shall we start?”

 

“Yeah. Let’s see…” Riven counted the number of lines Irelia drew. Five straight lines, evenly spaced.

 

“I like to start with the first two vowels. You know, A and E.”

 

“Alright, I’m going to guess one of them’s A?”

 

Irelia neatly wrote the letter A on the last line.

 

“Your penmanship is really nice,” Riven commented.

 

Irelia smiled at the compliment. “Thank you. I’ve always been somewhat of a perfectionist.”

 

Riven hummed as she thought of words that ended in A.

 

“Try the other vowels. This word only has one consonant in it.”

 

“Vowels are A, E, I, O, and U right?” Riven asked, unconfident in her literary knowledge.

 

“Right, although Y sometimes is considered one.”

 

“Okay, what about E?”

 

Irelia wrote the letter below the lines and drew a circle on the scaffold. “That’s one wrong.”

 

“I?”

 

Irelia looked at her with an emotion Riven couldn’t quite describe. “Are you just going through the vowels in the order of the alphabet?”

 

“Yep.” No shame in admitting it.

 

Irelia sighed. “You’re lucky the word I chose works well with that awful strategy.” She wrote the letter on the first and fourth line.

 

Riven laughed when she realized what the word was. “O.”

 

Irelia wrote it on the second line.

 

“The next one has to be U,” she said in a joking manner.

 

The Ionian gave her a sharp glare. “Don’t try to kill the stick figure. That’s my job. Yours is to save him.”

 

Riven sighed. “Fine, fine. The word’s ‘Ionia’.”

 

“Correct.” Irelia filled in the last line. “Good job.”

 

Riven couldn’t help but feel proud at Irelia’s praise, even though that was much easier than she thought it would be.

 

She handed the pencil to Riven and flipped to the next page. “Now it’s your turn.”

 

Riven drew the scaffold before she absentmindedly played with the pencil in her hand, thinking of all the words she knew.

 

“So I just draw the same amount of lines as there are letters in the word?” she asked for confirmation.

 

Irelia hummed affirmatively. “Correct.”

 

She drew the lines, counting under her breath. Seven crooked and shaky lines, nothing like Irelia’s. She wasn’t happy with them, but she wasn’t about to try again. She knew that this was the best it was going to get.

 

“Okay, I’m done.”

 

Irelia stared at the marks intensely. Riven could practically see gears in her head turning as she went through her mind searching for words that have seven letters.

 

“A.”

 

Riven wrote it on the fourth line.

 

“E.”

 

Riven looked at Irelia. “Are you using the same strategy I did? Even though you said it was bad?”

 

Irelia laughed. “I am. It’s a bad strategy because there isn’t a good strategy in this game.”

 

Riven grumbled incoherently under her breath.

 

“So am I right?”

 

“No, ‘a’ is the only vowel in this word.” She drew a head and wrote the letter ‘e’ on the side.

 

A few moments later and Irelia was only one mistake away from losing. She still only guessed one letter correctly.

 

Irelia crossed her arms and pouted. “I give up. I know I’m going to lose anyway. What’s the word?”

 

“‘Strong’. You chose something important to you so I did the same thing. Well, I don’t quite know how to spell ‘strength’ so I chose ‘strong’ instead,” she admitted.

 

“… Riven,” Irelia began in an exasperated and deadpan tone, “‘Strong’ is only six letters. You have seven lines. It doesn’t even have the letter ‘a’ in it.”

 

Riven blinked twice. “Oh. I swear I knew how to spell it before. I guess I just forgot.” She laughed sheepishly.

 

Irelia just sighed and shook her head disapprovingly, although there was a ghost of a smile on her lips. “Write out the rest of it the way you thought it was spelled.”

 

“Um, okay.”

 

She wrote in the missing letters, only to hear an amused snort behind her back when she finished.

 

“‘ _Strawng_ ’? Really, Riven?” Irelia put a fist to her mouth, trying to hide her silent giggles.

 

She pouted. “It’s been five years since I last had to write, okay? Give me a break.”

 

“Five years?” Irelia suddenly spoke somberly. “So near the end of the war?”

 

Riven nodded. “Yeah. The day before the battle where I…” She coughed. “I had written a report to the Grand General about our progress.”

 

Irelia hesitated.

 

“Hey.”

 

She reached out and put her hand on Riven’s. It had formed a fist and began shaking without her even knowing.

 

“Let’s just continue playing. No need to focus on that right now.”

 

Riven swallowed thickly and nodded in agreement. “Y-you choose the word. I’ll just guess it.” Her cheeks and the tips of her ears grew hot as she realized how embarrassing it was to misspell such a simple word.

 

“Alright. That’s probably the best way for you to practice spelling anyway.”

 

Hours passed until the two realized how late it became, only checking the time after Riven’s stomach made a loud noise.

 

Riven laughed nervously. “I should get going. It’s pretty late and I need to go eat dinner. Do you want to come get something to eat with me?” She knew Irelia would refuse and only asked to be polite, but she didn't expect her to react like _this_.

 

Irelia scoffed bitterly. “No thanks. I’d rather not be a third wheel.”

 

What? “What?”

 

“What do you mean 'what'?”

 

Riven groaned, frustrated. “What are you talking about?”

 

Irelia scowled at her. “I don’t want to get in the way between you and your _girlfriend_.”

 

“My… my what now?”

 

The Ionian’s expression soured even more. “Your girlfriend. Didn’t you hear me the first time?”

 

Riven was completely lost. “What are you even talking about?”

 

Irelia looked absolutely livid. “ **_Ahri!_ ** I’m talking about _Ahri_! I don’t want to be involved in your dates anymore!”

 

Riven recoiled away from the Ionian. “ _Ahri’s not my girlfriend!_ ”

 

Irelia took a few minutes to register her words, her mind too addled with emotion to understand it immediately.

 

“Oh,” she said dumbly, her expression blank. “She’s not?”

 

“No! We’re just friends!” Riven shouted, her chest stinging with guilt. Were they even friends after what had happened?

 

“I… I see. I apologize for my outburst. As much as I enjoy your company, I think it’s time for you to leave.” Irelia spoke in a controlled and emotionless voice, nothing like before. The sudden change in her demeanor unnerved Riven.

 

“I’ll just, uh…” She backed away slowly, “I’ll just get going then.”

 

“Goodnight, Riven.”

 

“R-right. Goodnight,” she mumbled.

 

She left the room unsurely, only to find Ahri leaning on the wall across from her, arms crossed and eyes burning with anger and sadness.

 

“So I’ll take that as a no?”

 

Riven flinched. Was she really yelling that loud? “Ahri…”

 

“I don’t want to hear it. D-don’t give me mixed signals. Don’t… d-don’t give me… _d-don’t give me f-false h-hope that you m-might return m-my f-f-feelings._ ” Ahri struggled to get the words out through her sobs, her chest rapidly rising and falling from deep, uneven breaths.

 

Riven opened her mouth to respond, to apologize, but no sound came out as she watched Ahri rush back into her room with tears streaming down her face.


	16. Closeted

“Remind me again why we had to go out so early?”

 

Irelia rolled her eyes. “I already told you—multiple times, actually—that this is going to be a  _ very _ private conversation. Plus, you’ve been out of combat for two months now. You’re going to need all the training you can get since you’re allowed to fight in matches again.”

 

They’ve been walking down this street for what seemed like hours now. Her feet were starting to hurt, but Irelia showed no signs of stopping or slowing her pace. She didn’t even seem tired despite the fact that she was holding Riven’s blade the entire trip, although she did complain about the weight at first.

 

“When you told me tomorrow morning, I thought you meant that you’d come over around eight o’clock or something, not two in the fucking morning.” Riven looked at the sun beginning to rise in the horizon. They must have been walking for three or four hours then if it was already dawn.

 

Irelia laughed. Once. “Exactly. No one will suspect a thing.”

 

Riven grimaced. “I think you’re just being overly paranoid. I doubt anyone would follow us just to eavesdrop on our conversation.”

 

“I think,” Irelia stopped walking and turned to look at her, “that you’ve forgotten how things work.”

 

Riven took the opportunity to and put her backpack on the ground, taking out a cookie. She leaned against a streetlight, her legs burning from exhaustion. “Have I?” she asked, opening the packaging.

 

“Yes,” Irelia said sternly. She crossed her arms and stared at the food in Riven’s hands. “I’d expect better from the famous poster child of Noxus.”

 

“ _ Former _ poster child,” she corrected, biting into the snack.

 

“Are you now?” Irelia asked skeptically, looking at her with disapproval.

 

“Well, yeah.” Munch, munch. “I’m an exile, remember?”

 

Irelia frowned. “Self-imposed exile. If I’m not mistaken, you’re still rather popular among Noxians.”

 

Riven arched an eyebrow at her, pausing in her eating. “Am I?”

 

Irelia nodded. “You’re a strong and popular champion, Riven. You shouldn’t be surprised quite a bit of people in Noxus still idolize you.”

 

She furrowed her brow and stared at the floor, taking another bite. “But I deserted Noxus,” she muttered while chewing.

 

“Did you?”

 

Riven looked up at Irelia and swallowed, confused by her question. “What? Of course I did. Everyone knows that.”

 

Irelia just hummed in response. “Perhaps not. You’ll understand later.” Irelia smiled to herself. “You have some crumbs on your face by the way.”

 

Riven wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand and decided she was too tired to argue with Irelia, especially over something so stupid and irrelevant. “Uh, thanks. How far away is it now anyway?”

 

“Not too far. We’ll be there soon.”

 

“Will you at least tell me where we’re going?”

 

Irelia shot a glare at her. “I’ve told you more than once that I’m not divulging any information about our destination until we get there.”

 

Irelia started walking again, and all Riven could do was sling the backpack over her shoulder and follow her, sighing in defeat.

 

* * *

 

“Are we almost there?” Riven asked after what must have been a few more hours. She looked up at the sky, her fatigue amplifying when the sun was already halfway to its peak.

  
Irelia kept a straight face, but her tone carried annoyance. “We will be. Be patient.”

 

Riven continued to trudge alongside Irelia, dreading the rest of the seemingly endless journey.

 

* * *

 

“Are we there yet?” The sun was already directly over their heads now, and Riven could feel her skin getting even more tanned.

 

Irelia sighed, exasperated. “Yes, Riven, we are— _ finally _ —here.”

 

Riven looked around them. They’d gone from the Institute to the city it was in and to the very outskirts of it. Then they went even further and left all signs of civilization, following a lone path that led them to their current location. There was was an empty landscape with the behind them and the only thing in front of them was the border of a marsh.

 

A marsh Riven suddenly wanted to get away from.

 

“Wait, isn’t that the Howling Marsh?” Riven asked, realization dawning on her.

 

“Yes, it is.” Irelia began walking towards it, much to Riven’s bewilderment.

 

Riven shook her head. “Wait, why are we here? We’re not going in, are we?” she asked, her voice tinged with fear. She was pretty sure she knew Irelia intended to bring her inside the marsh, but she felt like she still had to ask.

 

“We are,” Irelia confirmed. “Don’t be afraid, Riven. I go there every month to meditate. It’s actually quite a relaxing place for me.”

 

“Relaxing? Isn’t that place filled with the undead?” Riven shuddered involuntarily at the thought.

 

Irelia flinched. “Well, yes, but you’ll understand soon enough. Actually, you could have understood earlier. Walking to the marsh is a rather calming experience, and you would know that if you weren’t so impatient the entire time.” She glared pointedly at the exile.

 

“You walk from the Institute to the Howling Marsh every month?” Riven asked deliriously, ignoring Irelia’s displeasure with her.

 

A pause. “Yes, I do,” Irelia answered, giving up on being irritated. “Follow me. Daylight’s burning.”

 

Riven followed Irelia into the marsh without further complaint, not even paying attention to the sensation of the murky water up to her calves, too busy thinking about why Irelia would come to a place like this so often or at all. “Why come here?” she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

 

Irelia furrowed her brow. “We agreed to train and talk today, did we not? Is this a trick question?”

 

Riven shook her head dismissively. “No, not that. Why do you come here every month?”

 

“Oh,” Irelia deadpanned. “I told you that already,” she said, uncomfortable with Riven’s question.

 

“Did you?”

 

“I said I find it comforting and that’s all I’m going to say,” Irelia said guardedly.

 

“Comforting?” Riven raised an eyebrow in suspicion. “I don’t think you said that earlier.”

 

“I… I didn’t?” Irelia questioned herself unsurely.

 

“No, you said ‘calming’ and ‘relaxing’, and I’m pretty sure those are rather different from ‘comforting’.”

 

Irelia bit her bottom lip nervously. “Ah. Well, you’ll understand later.”

 

Riven couldn’t help but worry about her and why she was being so secretive and cryptic, but she knew she wouldn’t get an answer from her until the Ionian herself decided she wanted to tell Riven.

 

“Alright… Don’t you feel kinda unsafe here? It’s pretty eerie.”

 

Irelia’s lips tightened into a thin line. “I feel fine, although I am a little uncomfortable,” she admitted.

 

That made Riven feel a little better for some reason, probably because it meant Irelia wasn’t too aloof. Irelia was… strange. Something about her presence and behavior had unnerved Riven when they weren’t friends, although Riven couldn’t quite pinpoint what was off about her. Irelia was… intense. Sometimes Riven swore she never blinked because of how she stared at everything so intently, like she was constantly analyzing everything she laid her eyes on, and for some reason she always felt less creeped out when she sees Irelia blink. It was weird, like she had to remind herself Irelia was human because of how strange she was.

 

“This should be a good spot. What do you think?”

 

Riven shook herself out of her thoughts and looked around them. They were in an large open clearing with surprisingly solid ground underfoot, although it was definitely still muddy. Irelia was staring at her expectantly.

 

Riven pursed her lips a little in thought. “It should work. This is probably the best we’re going to get here anyway.” A minute ago, the water was up to their knees. Here it was shallow, only barely reaching past their ankles.

 

Irelia nodded in agreement. “Good, now put the bag down somewhere relatively dry and I’ll give you your sword back.”

 

Riven looked around for someplace dry to put it, but she didn’t have many options. There were a lot of trees surrounding them, but a good number of them had branches that were too far up for her to reach. She could always just put it down in the shallower areas without much problem but she didn’t want to get it wet, especially since she had packed some food in it for the trip.

 

She walked around a bit more in search of a suitable place but found nothing acceptable, much to her dismay.

 

“Hey Irelia, can you help me find someplace to put this?”

 

Irelia walked over to her, her watery footsteps the only thing Riven could hear besides the sharp ringing that suddenly started to sound in the exile’s ears.

 

Riven heard the footsteps stop and a faint mumble began to replace it. She felt herself getting light-headed and blinked a few times to in an attempt to orient herself. Her vision turned fuzzy and began fading, and she felt like she was about to fall.

 

A rough shake of the shoulder.

 

Riven whirled around, her eyes wide and struggling to focus on the details of Irelia’s face.

 

Her lips moved and captivated Riven with their smooth motions, but no words came out of her mouth. The ringing intensified. All Riven could do was stare at Irelia blankly until she finally came back to her senses.

 

Irelia lightly slapped her on the cheek a few times, taking care to not touch the area covered in warpaint.

 

“Riven, are you okay?” Irelia’s voice sounded a little distorted. She put the back of her hand on the exile’s forehead, trying to determine if her temperature was normal. The ringing went to the back of Riven’s head, still present but not quite.

 

“I think,” Riven paused. “I think I’m just tired.”

 

Irelia frowned in concern. “Did you not sleep last night?”

 

Riven shook her head. She couldn’t sleep when the memory of Ahri crying in the hallway kept replaying itself in her mind, tormenting her the entire night. She just ended up staring at the ceiling for hours, uselessly trying to block out the sounds of ugly sobs and the image of the mage’s heartbroken expression.

 

Irelia clicked her tongue softly in disapproval. “Riven, you need to sleep,” she scolded maternally.

 

“I tried. I couldn’t,” Riven replied lifelessly.

 

“Ah,” Irelia vocalized in understanding. “Well, do you want to rest a little bit before we start sparring then?”

 

“No. I’m fine,” Riven insisted.

 

“If you say so. Here’s your sword back,” she said as she handed the weapon to its owner. “Give me the backpack.”

 

Riven took her runesword from Irelia and did as she was told. For some reason, it felt extremely heavy. It was to be expected for her left arm since she had suffered the symptoms of a stroke on that side of her body, but her right arm felt considerably weaker than usual.  _ Must be because I’m out of shape _ , Riven reasoned. She ran her calloused fingers over the cracks in her weapon, feeling the runic energy come to life with her touch.

 

Irelia quickly returned to her side empty handed. She put her hands on her hips authoritatively. “Shall we stretch beforehand?” she asked Riven, although it came out more like a statement than a question.

 

“I suppose.” Riven didn’t particularly like stretching, but she knew it was essential so she did it anyway.

 

Plus, she got to watch Irelia stretch. Secretly, of course. She’d never admit to having prying eyes.

 

But  _ goddamn _ could that woman stretch.

 

“I think that’s enough stretching for now,” Irelia said, finishing the last few exercises she was doing.

 

Riven almost felt tempted to protest.

 

Almost.

 

Irelia put some distance between them and turned to face her, crouching defensively. “Ready?”

 

Riven imitated Irelia’s alert stance and raised her sword. “Ready.”

 

* * *

 

Riven was breathing irregularly and heavily, a thin sheen of sweat glistening on her skin. Her muscles were burning with a good kind of pain, although it was more uncomfortable now since she hasn’t felt it in quite some time.

 

Irelia, on the other hand, didn’t have so much as a single drop of sweat on her forehead. She was as still as a statue, but was ready to move at any given moment.

 

“You’re impressive,” Riven commented without thinking, her throat dry from dehydration.

 

Irelia’s face finally turned a little red, although it was from a compliment and not physical exertion. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”

 

Riven laughed, although it was cut short from a lack of breath.

 

The two continued circling each other warily in anticipation.

 

After a few seconds, Irelia lunged at her without warning.

 

Riven was a fast fighter. She was agile, swift in combat, her body moving in unison with her enchanted runesword. She threw all her weight into each swing, and each strike was done with the utmost precision. She could move it faster than most fighters could handle their weapons when it wasn’t broken, despite how giant it was compared to most swords. She was even faster than before now that it was just a third of its original size.

 

But after being dormant for two months, sleep-deprived and weakened, she wasn’t fast enough, and metal met flesh.

 

It met a lot of flesh.

 

Riven screamed, contorting in pain, and she fell to the ground with a loud splash.

 

Irelia cursed almost inaudibly and ran over to Riven, turning her over on her back to inspect the damage, causing the exile to groan.

 

Irelia frowned in concern. “Riven, move your arms so I can see the injury.”

 

Riven stopped clutching at her abdomen and raised shaky hands away from the wound.

 

“Oh god,” she heard Irelia whisper, and Riven’s heart sank into her stomach.

 

She sat up slightly to look at her stomach, fearing the worse. There was a large, clean cut that went from her left shoulder and across her abdomen to her right hip. Not deep enough to damage any organs, but it was still a serious wound despite how thin it was. Her clothes and the water she was partially submerged in were quickly becoming red and Riven felt herself getting lightheaded.

 

A sudden pang of pain forced her to lay back down.

 

“Did you bring first aid in the backpack?” Irelia asked, her worry increasing.

 

She nodded weakly, only managing to move her head with the tiniest of movements.

 

Irelia got up and left, frantically looking around them.

 

“I-I can’t remember where I put it,” she called out hysterically.

 

Riven scanned the area in search of the backpack. “It’s over there.” She pointed behind Irelia with a bloody index finger.

 

Irelia turned and quickly ran off, returning with the backpack in hand before she began to rummage through it for something that’ll help.

 

“Ah!” she exclaimed, pulling out one of the two healing potions Soraka had given Riven a few months ago. “Here, drink this,” she ordered, opening the flask and bringing it to Riven’s mouth.

 

Riven managed to drink half of it before she had to cough. “Health potions don’t expire, do they?” she asked, licking her lips. Usually Soraka managed to make her health potions taste like a bittersweet cherry flavor that wasn’t too unpleasant, but this one tasted extremely bitter in comparison.

 

“From what Soraka’s told me, they’re good for a year and that you shouldn’t drink them afterwards. Just how old are these?” Irelia asked, suddenly panicked.

 

Riven frowned. “She gave me the ones I brought a few months ago. I don’t know why this one tastes so much more bitter than usual,” Riven said with a disgusted expression. “It’s really thick in consistency too for some reason.” Health potions were usually only a little thicker than water, but she had trouble swallowing this one because of how dense it was.

 

Irelia moved her wrist so that the red liquid swirled around inside the container. “You’re right, it’s much thicker than usual. It’s a little darker in color too if I’m not mistaken.”

 

She reached for the other one inside the backpack, imitating the same motion to test and observe its movement. “I think they’re both different from usual. These two must be special,” Irelia concluded. “How do you feel?”

 

Riven suddenly realized that she could barely feel pain from where she was sliced open and only felt a dull pounding in its place. “I don’t feel hurt anymore, actually. I just feel a throb where the cut is.”

 

Irelia leaned in towards her wound and examined it closely. Riven felt her cheeks heat up from Irelia’s close proximity to her body.

 

“You’re… you’re not bleeding anymore,” Irelia said in amazement. She began to unbutton the vest on Riven’s waist before she realized the fact that she was undressing Riven without her permission.

 

Irelia turned beet red within seconds.

 

“I-is this okay? I just want to check your injury to see what happened,” Irelia stammered in explanation, suddenly flustered.

 

_ She’s so cute _ , Riven thought absentmindedly.

 

The exile laughed a little at the scene, causing Irelia to blush even more, but then she suddenly realized what Irelia just asked her.

 

“O-oh, I-I mean, if you  _ must _ ,” she said unsurely. It came out sounding more like a question than a statement. She didn’t know if she was okay with Irelia seeing her so bare or if she even wanted her to.

 

Truth be told, she was screaming internally at the turn of events.

 

Regret hit her like a train when Irelia started unwrapping her bandages.

 

“J-just the stomach!” she suddenly yelled in panic. “J-just… Just unwrap my stomach,” she clarified after she was a little calmer.

 

Irelia just looked at her a little confused before her eyes widened in understanding. “O-Of course! That’s where it should be the worse anyway.”

 

Riven swore at herself under her breath. She must look so dumb, so nervous when Irelia was just concerned about her and tending to her wound.

 

_ Stupidstupidstupid _ , she mentally berated herself, silently mouthing out the words.

 

Riven suddenly felt the sensation of a comfortable pressure on her stomach disappearing, only to quickly be replaced with the feeling of the chilly air on wet skin. She shuddered, her skin crawling with goosebumps.

 

Irelia gasped slightly. “It… it’s gone. Your body, it… it’s healing itself.”

 

“What?” Riven sat up again, her jaw dropping when she saw her skin rapidly closing up the cut. They watched her body fix itself until all that was left of the cut was a large line of sensitive pink flesh in its place.

 

“Holy shit, Soraka is a fucking miracle worker.”

 

The Ionian by her side nodded numbly. “She truly is,” Irelia agreed. She gingerly ran her hand over the new skin that had formed on Riven’s stomach. It wasn’t particularly painful when she touched it but it definitely wasn’t a good sensation, and she squirmed a little in discomfort.

 

Irelia quickly retracted her hand from Riven’s body like she just touched fire and not flesh. “S-sorry. Let’s rest up before we go back to the Institute. I hope you don’t mind if we cut this trip short. I don’t want to risk hurting you even more.”

 

Riven shook her head, partially from relief about leaving this place and partially because of the guilt in Irelia’s voice. “It’s fine. Mind helping me up?”

 

Riven unsteadily got on her feet with Irelia’s assistance, only to lurch forward violently and throw up.

 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” she cursed quietly, tears beginning to stream down her face. “ _ God fucking  _ **_dammit_ ** ,” she screamed with unrestrained fury.

 

Irelia just stood there awkwardly, supporting Riven by letting the exile lean on her body. “I, um, are you okay?” she asked dumbly, unsure of what to do.

 

Riven pushed herself away from Irelia. “No, I’m not  **_fucking okay_ ** . Do I look like I am?!” she lashed out at her verbally, and Irelia flinched.

 

Riven suddenly felt like she was just punched in the gut when she realized what she had done.

 

“S-sorry,” she apologized sheepishly. “I-I didn’t mean to—”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Irelia cut her apology off dismissively. The hurt in her voice and face only made Riven want to apologize to her even more.

 

“I let you apologize to me, now let me apologize to you,” Riven begged. She had so much to apologize for.

 

Irelia hesitated. “Fine. I forgive you. Can you walk? I think we should try and head back to the city now.”

 

“I think I can. You’ll catch me if I fall, right?”

 

Irelia grinned bittersweetly. “Of course.”

 

Fortunately (or unfortunately), Riven was able to exit the marsh without falling, although she did heavily rely on Irelia’s assistance the entire time.

 

“Wait.”

 

Riven turned to look at Irelia inquisitively. “What is it?”

 

“I need to tell you something before we go back to civilization.” It sounded like she was forcing herself to go through with a confession, and Irelia looked really nervous. “Promise me you won’t freak out?”

 

“Uh, okay. What is it?”

 

“Promise me,” Irelia repeated firmly.

 

Riven sighed. “Okay, okay. I promise I won’t freak out. Now what do you want to tell me?”

 

Irelia took a deep breath. “I’m dead. Well, undead. I’m a lich, like Karthus. Kind of, I mean, because I’m not completely like him. Riven, are you there?”

 

Riven blinked.

 

Irelia ran a hand through her hair, thinking. “Okay, maybe I should explain first instead of rambling on about something when you have no idea what I’m talking about.”

 

“Y-yeah,” Riven stuttered. What was Irelia even saying?

 

“Okay, well, I died,” she blurted out clumsily. She looked up to see Riven’s reaction and continued talking after seeing the confused expression on her face. “I was lethally poisoned by Noxians in the war. Technically I didn’t die, but I did at the same time. Are you following my train of thought?”

 

Riven’s mouth opened slightly, then it shut. She shook her head slowly.

 

She had no fucking idea what was going on.

 

Irelia groaned in frustration, putting the palm of her hand to her forehead. “Okay, not at all then. Just don’t think too much into it right now. Just listen for now; no questions.”

 

“No questions,” Riven mindlessly repeated.

 

“Okay, so I’ll start over from the beginning. I was poisoned and I died as a result, or I was supposed to at least. Soraka saved me from the brink of death, but at a heavy price.

 

“When my soul was fading away, she managed to use her magic to bind it to my weapon. Because my soul was no longer completely inside my physical body, I became a lich during the ritual, and my blade became my phylactery. Do you understand?”

 

“I think?” Riven shrugged her shoulders. She was too tired for this. She couldn’t think straight.

 

Irelia groaned. “Okay,  _ look _ . My soul is attached to my weapon, right here.” Irelia pointed to the glowing red orb in the center of the blades. “That’s Irelia. That’s  _ me _ . Well, it’s my soul, which is, well,  _ me _ ,” she explained lamely, suddenly unsure of herself. “Although it is attached to my weapon, my body is still connected to it because of the magical bond Soraka created. Before I couldn’t control my weapon mentally; I had to physically hold it just like you. That’s obviously no longer the case. My weapon is literally a part of me now like my body. It is Irelia.”

 

“I… I see,” Riven managed to say.

 

Irelia continued to explain. “You asked me why I don’t eat or sleep. Well, this is why. I don’t really have to give in to any basic human functions anymore since I’m dead. Well,  _ undead _ .”

 

Well, that explains a lot. But…

 

“Your body doesn’t decompose,” Riven commented, eyes roaming over Irelia’s figure to confirm that fact to herself. Totally not an excuse to check her out. Her gaze just happened to linger a little longer on some areas while she was looking.

 

Irelia sighed. “It doesn’t decompose because I’m not a corpse. I might be a lich but like I said earlier, I’m not exactly like Karthus.”

 

Riven sighed in relief, even though she was honestly still confused as fuck. She really didn’t want to entertain the idea that she thought a dead body was attractive, especially when it was the same kind of undead creature as the Deathsinger.

 

“So you’re still a human, right? Even though you’re a lich?” Riven asked hesitantly, just to make sure.

 

Irelia coughed awkwardly and scratched the back of her head. “Ah, well, not really. I’m not actually even  _ me _ anymore. By that, I mean this body.” She gestured to herself. “This isn’t me anymore. Physically, I’m my weapon now and since my old body is magically bonded to it, I can control both of them as a result. My body is in some kind of an indefinitely suspended state where it thinks I’m both dead and alive at the same time, which isn’t too inaccurate of a description. This body doesn’t decompose and doesn’t need to do things that are necessary for normal humans to live anymore, but it appears to be alive.”

 

Oh, so she found someone that was technically just a soul magically attached to a few pieces of metal in control of a comatose body attractive.

 

Riven suddenly wasn’t sure if that was better than necrophilia and felt an unfamiliar kind of fear rise in her chest.

 

“Magic is, uh… strange, to say at the very least,” Riven commented, her voice cracking loudly.

 

Irelia laughed. “I agree. I haven’t figured out everything about my condition yet. It’s very confusing,” she admitted bashfully.

 

Irelia frowned all of a sudden, her expression now unsure and… fearful?

 

“There’s… There’s also something else I need to tell you,” she said slowly. “Something really important that I’ve been putting off.”

 

“ _ More _ ?” Riven’s head was spinning. She wasn’t sure how she felt about learning more about Irelia, especially since she was already overwhelmed with all the new information her mind had to process. She had a feeling Irelia was going to tell her something extremely important, and she didn’t think she was ready for it. But still, she felt compelled to ask, even though she was dreading Irelia’s response. “Wh-what is it?”

 

“I… I…”

 

Irelia looked away shamefully.

 

Riven gently put a hand on the Ionian’s shoulder to comfort her. “You don’t have to tell me now. You can tell me later if you’re uncomfortable talking about it now.”

 

“Later,” Irelia mumbled to herself, so quietly Riven could barely hear or understand her. “Later…”

 

* * *

 

Riven was thankful.

 

Usually she was thankful for being alive, grateful for surviving her many dangerous battles.

 

But right now, she was just grateful that Irelia decided to ride the bus back to the Institute instead of walking for another ten fucking hours.

 

“Sorry I cut you. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Irelia apologized, her voice heavy with guilt.

 

Riven chuckled a little. Irelia sounded like a young child that accidentally hit somebody while playing around.

 

Actually, now that Riven thought about it, that description wasn’t too far off the mark.

 

“It’s okay, I forgive you. I’ve had worse.” Not a lie, but that was one of Riven’s more severe injuries. It’s been awhile since she’d been afflicted with a serious wound from a swordfight. She wasn’t going to tell Irelia that though.

 

“How are you feeling now? Any pain?”

 

Riven grunted. “It’s a little tingly, but it doesn’t hurt.

 

“Is it bothering you?”

 

Riven hesitated, not wanting to lie but also not wanting to make Irelia blame herself even more. “Well, it doesn’t exactly feel good,” she admitted. “It’s not a problem though. I can deal with a little discomfort.”

 

Irelia sighed dejectedly, staring out the window, watching the blurry scenery pass by them.

 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s not your fault.”

 

Irelia laughed sadly. “But it is. All of it’s my fault.”

 

Riven cracked a small smile. “Hey, you’re starting to sound like me.”

 

The Ionian looked at her confused. “What?”

 

“The whole blaming yourself for everything mindset. That’s mine. Don’t steal it away from me,” Riven said with feigned anger.

 

Irelia giggled softly at her antics and looked down at her feet. “Who says we can’t share?” she asked quietly.

 

“Me. I’m selfish. I’m the only one that gets to be miserable here.”

 

Irelia looked up at Riven with some kind of emotion she couldn’t identify. “Are you?” Irelia asked in an even tone, sounding like she did before she became Riven’s friend.

 

The hairs on the back of the exile’s neck stood on end. Irelia’s voice was too controlled, too emotionless, too impersonal. She said something wrong.

 

Riven remained silent, fearing how Irelia would react if she were to respond.

 

“Answer me,” Irelia demanded assertively, a hint of anger suddenly entering her voice.

 

“I don’t want you to be miserable,” Riven whispered so quietly she could barely hear herself.

 

Irelia’s gaze softened. “I don’t want you to feel miserable either.”

 

Riven smiled sadly. “Let’s both try not to be miserable then.”   
  
The Ionian returned the smile, and Riven’s heart started pounding in her ears. “That sounds good.”

 

…

 

“Hey,” Riven called out quietly, breaking the silence.

 

“Hmm?” Irelia looked at her. “What is it?”

 

Riven hesitated. “Was… was the other thing you wanted to tell me even more important than what you told me?”

 

The corners of Irelia’s lips twitched downwards, the only thing on her face showing emotion besides her eyes, which quickly became unusually shiny.

 

“I don’t even know anymore,” Irelia whispered hoarsely, more to herself than to Riven. A single tear ran down her cheek.

 

At a loss for what to do, Riven awkwardly pulled Irelia in for a hug. She buried her face deep into Riven’s shoulder and clung onto Riven with all of her faltering strength.

 

For the rest of the ride back, the only thing that mattered in the world was the crying girl in her arms.

 

* * *

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  
  
Irelia smiled genuinely, but her eyes still showed sadness. “Definitely.”

  
  
Riven waved goodbye to Irelia, her hand going from a wave to her mouth to cover a big yawn.

 

“Exile.”

 

Riven turned around to see a female summoner approaching her.

 

She arched a brow. “What is it?”

 

The summoner straightened her body posture. “The League has deemed you fit to fight again. I hope you don’t mind if you participate in a skirmish tomorrow morning as my champion. I can always find a someone else instead.”

 

Riven shook her head roughly. “No, I’ll fight.”

 

The summoner clapped her hands together with delight. “Splendid! I’ll be on my way then. Make sure you go to bed soon and don’t stay up too late. It might be a practice match, but I want you at your best.”

 

Riven nodded. “Will do.”

 

The woman opened her mouth to say more but decided against it. “Goodnight, Exile.”

 

Riven watched her leave and when she finally did, Riven suddenly became very aware of how everyone in the Institute's lobby had started staring at her and began to whisper about her with one another.


	17. Hesitation

“Well, this is going to be interesting.”   
  
Irelia stood on the other side of the lane, her blades idly floating nearby. Riven kept her eyes trained on them just in case, but she had to look away not long after because of how the metal reflected the sun’s rays. She winced internally, remembering phantom pain from when Irelia had attacked her yesterday.

 

“Do you just want to farm?” Riven asked. She didn’t want to fight versus Irelia. The giant cut on her body still stung a little, 

 

Irelia shrugged. “If you want. This is just a skirmish anyway so we don’t need to be too serious. Plus, I… I don’t want to hurt you again.”

 

Riven waved her off. “It’s fine, I told you. It’s not your fault.”

 

“If you say so,” she said unsurely.

 

Riven paced back and forth around her tower while waiting for minions to spawn. Irelia was content with standing still, staring at Riven.

 

“Is something wrong?” she suddenly asked.

 

Riven looked at Irelia and shook her head. “No, why?”

 

Irelia hesitated before answering. “You seem a bit distressed.”

 

Riven raised an eyebrow. “Do I?”

 

She shrugged. “A little.”

 

“ _ Minions have spawned. _ ”

 

Riven let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when she heard the announcement. At least with minions, there’ll be something to do when she didn’t know what to say, which was far too often.

 

“Riven,” Irelia called out. “I have something important to ask of you.”   
  
“Huh?” Riven tilted her head at Irelia. “What is it?”

 

Irelia paused. “Would you like to go to Ionia with me for the Lunar Festival? I’ll be leaving tomorrow, and I’d really like it if you could accompany me.”

 

Riven balked a little at the offer, not expecting it. At all. The last time she went to Ionia, she lead an invasion and participated in mass genocide and destroyed most of the countryside. “I don’t know about that…” she trailed off uncomfortably.

 

Irelia rubbed her arm absentmindedly. “I know this is a really last minute request, but I’d appreciate it if you just thought about it. It’s completely fine if you don’t want to go,” Irelia reassured. She didn’t sound very convincing.

 

Riven’s chest stung a little. She didn’t want to disappoint Irelia, but she didn’t think she was ready to go back. “I’ll think about it,” she promised. “I don’t think I have anything else to do anyway. How long are you going to be staying in Ionia?”

  
“Two weeks.”

 

“Shit, that’s a long time,” she thought aloud.

 

Irelia winced slightly at her words. “Ah, well, it’s just a request. You aren’t obliged to go with me.”

 

But it didn’t feel that way to Riven, and Irelia didn’t sound like she meant it.

 

“No, no! It’s okay. I should be able to come along.” Why did she just say that?!

 

Irelia beamed at her, and all of Riven’s worries about returning to Ionia melted away in an instant. “Great! We’ll leave tomorrow morning.”   
  
“And when you say tomorrow morning—”

 

Irelia laughed. “No, I don’t mean two in the morning this time—”

 

Riven smiled at her. “Good.”

 

“—I actually mean four in the morning.”

 

Riven blinked.

 

…

 

_ God fucking d— _

 

Something brushed past the exile’s leg and she looked down to be greeted by the sight of her team’s minions waddling their way through the lane. The sight brought a small smile to her face and made her forget about her earlier rage.

 

“They’re kind of cute, aren’t they?” Riven mused. “It’s a shame we have to kill them.”

 

Irelia nodded solemnly in response. “It’s a shame we have to kill in general, especially when we have to fight for peace, but we do what we must.”

 

She hesitated, uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was heading. Riven wasn’t expecting Irelia to get all deep from an thoughtless comment she made. “Well, they’re just mindless minions,” she noted, trying to brush off Irelia’s seriousness.

 

Irelia frowned, an ugly scowl on her pretty face. “Does that mean they’re not entitled to life like us?”

 

Riven wasn’t sure what to say in return to defuse the situation, so she just kept quiet and focused on farming.

 

A few minutes after a somewhat strained silence, a large voice entered her mind and nearly gave her a heart attack.

 

**Zac and Yasuo are on their way to gank. Be prepared to flash onto Irelia and stun her.**

 

Her eyes widened and she nervously glanced at Irelia. She was still farming peacefully, blissfully unaware of the impending attack on her.

 

_ Can’t they gank bot lane instead? _ Riven asked her summoner mentally, worried for her friend.

 

Riven didn’t need to see her summoner’s face to know that she was confused.  **They could, but why would they? Irelia hasn’t warded yet and we have the perfect opportunity to get first blood on her.**

 

Riven bit down on her lip, and she stole another look at Irelia.

 

There was a sinking feeling in her gut.

 

_ I don’t want to hurt her. _

 

An awkward pause.  **Um, Riven, I understand that you have been getting very…** **_close_ ** **, with Irelia recently, but please remember that you are obliged to fight her in matches. You know the consequences of violating your contract with the League.**

 

Riven almost slapped herself for forgetting about their mental connection.

 

_ Uh, right. _ God, this was embarrassing.

 

“Riven? Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

Irelia had stopped farming and instead focused her attention on the exile. Riven really didn’t like how worried she sounded.

 

She forced herself to grin, hoping she didn’t look too distressed. “Y-yeah, everything’s fine.”   
  
Irelia frowned in concern. “If you say so,” she said. The Ionian obviously still didn’t believe Riven, but wasn’t about to press the issue. Riven silently thanked the gods for Irelia’s respect for privacy.

 

“Oh, and before I forget, would you also like to join me in my room later tonight?”

 

Riven choked on her own saliva.

 

She looked up at Irelia with wide eyes. “W-what?” she asked unsurely, not sure she heard her correctly.

 

“Well, I figured you might be nervous about going back to Ionia and get nightmares tonight.”

 

“Oh.” Riven cleared her throat. Of course that’s what she meant, not like what Ahri had meant when she asked that question. “That’s very considerate of you, Irelia. Thank you.”

 

“It’s no pro—"

 

A bright flash of yellow light suddenly sent her right next to Irelia.

 

The two just stared at each other with shock and confusion. Realization soon both dawned on them.

 

Irelia was about to be attacked.

 

Riven finally remembered to let out a Ki Burst but she was a second too late; Irelia had already started retreating to her turret during her moment of hesitation. Yasuo ran towards them from the river and Zac came out from an opening near the enemy tower.

 

“Incoming!”

 

Irelia’s summoner tried to flash forward to avoid the impact, but Zac was prepared for that. He hit her exactly where she ended up after the spell, knocking her back further away from safety. Riven rushed to attack, trying to make up for her earlier mistake.

 

“Help!”

 

Yasuo came out from the river, closely followed by Ahri and Elise. The two women shared a look in their eyes, a bloodthirsty gaze focused on the Unforgiven.

 

“Shit!” Riven swore, under her breath. “I’m on my way,” she reassured, turning to run towards Yasuo. Zac took notice of the appearance of the two unexpected women and made his way to help as well.

 

“Oh Rivy~” Ahri blew a kiss in her direction.

 

“Wh—?” She turned her head, her eyes widening.

 

She glanced downwards not so slyly.

 

Were… were Ahri’s breasts even bigger than usual?

 

After a few seconds, she shook herself out of a daze. A little drool made apparently its way out her mouth. She brushed it away with the back of her gauntlet before getting back into the fight.

 

“Get her!”

 

Riven turned to see a low health Elise retreating in her direction, and she dashed forward to attack the Spider Queen. She slashed once, then twice.

 

_ “Riven has slain Elise!” _

 

She felt herself grow stronger, strong enough to summon her full blade. She did so, seeing Yasuo and Zac struggling to finish the fight with other two on their own.

 

And with a loud shout, she unleashed a wave of energy that literally ripped apart the rest of their opponents.

 

_ “Blue team triple kill!” _

 

A drop of sweat made its way down from her forehead, her breathing ragged and heavy. She looked down at the remains of Ahri’s lifeless body, and then at Irelia’s.

 

Her chest felt tight.

 

_ Why did it have to be them? _ she lamented.

 

“Good job guys!” Zac slapped her and Yasuo on the back. “You were a little slow, though, Riven. Is your connection, uh, is it okay?”

 

“… Yeah.” She turned her head away, going back to mechanically slaughtering minions with the utmost precision a warrior like herself has trained for all her life. At least killing those without a purpose to live would help keep her mind off of every murder she’s ever committed, and every life she’s ruined. It was just something familiar for her to do.

 

* * *

 

“Riven, I’d like to speak with you.”

 

And from the way Yasuo sounded, she knew it wasn’t for a good reason.

 

“What is it?” she asked warily, turning to face him. She had a bad feeling about this.

 

Yasuo frowned. “Let me rephrase that; I’d like to speak with you,  _ privately _ .”

 

Riven looked around them. There was only a few other champions left in the post-game lobby. Irelia was nowhere to be seen, much to her disappointment. Riven was hoping to spend some time with her after the game. Maybe she’ll look for her after talking with Yasuo.

 

“I’m not sure I feel comfortable alone with you,” she admitted, turning her attention back to the Unforgiven.

 

He sniffed. “Fair enough, although the same goes for me, and I’m sure you know why.” He glared at her accusingly.

 

Riven’s brow furrowed. “I think I have a pretty good idea why.”

 

Yasuo’s eyes narrowed and he stepped closer to her. “Can’t run from the past forever, huh?” he whispered with barely restrained anger.

 

Riven recoiled from him. “Look, I—”

 

“ _ Don’t _ ,” he snapped, startling Riven. “ _ Don’t _ try to justify yourself.”

 

“I wasn’t going to.”

 

He glared threateningly at the others in the room who began to look their way, then turned back to her skeptically when they averted their eyes. “You weren’t?”

 

She shook her head. “No, I wasn’t. I was going to apologize, actually.”

 

“Really now?” He appraised her cynically. Judging from his expression and tone, he didn’t believe her. She didn’t blame him.

 

“Yes, I was.” Riven felt curious eyes beginning to return their gazes to their direction and hushed whispers, the bystanders probably wondering about whether the two were about to fight each other and whether they should inform any summoners. Ahri in particular took out a phone and was not so subtly recording them.

 

Apparently Yasuo noticed the commotion too. “Follow me,” he ordered, jerking his head towards the exit and walking towards it at a brisk pace.

 

Riven hesitated, but followed him without question. Every few moments, she would look behind her shoulder

 

After a few minutes, they were alone in one of the Institute’s many hallways. He turned to her with crossed arms.

 

She figured it wouldn’t hurt if she tried to reason with him. “Yasuo, I just—”

 

He interrupted her, already frustrated with the exile. “I’m only going to say this once: I’m warning you, back off.”

 

“What?”

 

“Whatever it is you’re planning when you go to Ionia, I’d advise against it. Not out of concern for you, but for Ionia.”

 

“But I’m not planning anything?”

 

“Hah! I find that hard to believe,  _ exile _ . Do you take me for a fool? I recognize the technique you used to kill Ahri and Irelia. You’re the murderer.”

 

“I’ve killed many people, Yasuo. You’re going to have to be more specific in your accusation.”

 

He scowled. “ _ You _ murdered the elder I was supposed to protect.  _ You _ framed me.”

 

Riven frowned. “You being blamed for his death is  _ not _ my fault.”

 

“If  _ you _ hadn’t killed him, I wouldn’t be the Unforgiven.”

 

Riven swallowed the hot lump of fury in her throat. “If  _ you _ had done your job correctly, he wouldn’t be dead. Like it or not, I’m not the sole reason your life has gone to shit.”

 

Yasuo fell silent, glaring daggers at Riven. His sharp eyes narrowed, but eventually he sighed in defeat.

 

“You’re right.”

 

Something about the way he said it, the resigned manner and hopeless tone, something about it just didn’t sit well with Riven. Suddenly she was feeling pity for a man who would like nothing more than her death.

 

“Yasuo, I’m sorry.”

 

“No, don’t be. You were only doing your job, unlike me.” His voice cracked, reflecting the broken man he was on the inside.

 

“It’s not too late for redemption.”

 

“Isn’t it?”

 

Riven shook her head. “I’m trying to make up for my past and wrongdoings. If I can do it, then so can you.”

 

Yasuo scoffed. “Easy for you to say.”

 

“Is it? Am I not considered a traitor as well for deflecting from Noxus?”

 

“It’s different for you. You aren’t a kinslayer.”

 

Riven reached out to Yasuo, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I’m not, but I’ve done unforgivable things to innocent people, people that couldn’t defend themselves.”

 

“But I killed my own brother.”

 

“I’m sure you didn’t willingly do it, otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling remorse.”

 

He paused in thought. “He was sent to kill me in retaliation for the elder’s death, and I killed him in self-defense. I shouldn’t have, I should have just let him cut me down—”

 

“Yasuo.”

 

He looked up at her, his body still trembling from the overwhelming guilt he felt.

 

“It’s not too late for redemption,” she repeated. “You don’t know until you try.”

 

“Where would I even begin?” he asked helplessly. “They wouldn’t believe me, even if they did agree to listen to me.”

 

Riven bit her lip. “Maybe I can help.”

 

He turned to look at her questioningly. “And how exactly would you do that?”

 

“If I admit to being the killer, they might let you off easier. I can’t guarantee it’ll work, but I’m willing to try.”

 

“That’s… that’s very selfless of you. Perhaps I was mistaken about you.”

 

She shrugged. “I’m just trying to atone for my actions.”

 

“That’s admirable.”

 

“Thanks, I guess. It’s not really something I’m trying to do out of honor. I’m just trying to redeem myself.”

 

“Well, it’s  certainly something worthy of a guest of honor.”

 

“Hey,” she called out absentmindedly. “How did you find out about me going to Ionia anyway? I’m curious.”

 

Yasuo rolled his eyes. “You and the captain are the talk of the town. If you hadn’t noticed, your little ‘friendship’ has raised a few eyebrows since the two of you used to be some of the most antisocial champions in the League. It’s obvious who Irelia would bring back to Ionia with her as a guest of honor.”

 

That caught Riven’s attention. “A guest of honor?”

 

“Yeah. Every year, an Ionian elder selects one person to accompany them to the Lunar Festival. It’s one of the greatest honors bestowed to esteemed foreigners. It just so happens that this year, it’s Irelia’s turn to bring someone. Most expected her to pass it onto Karma or another elder, but she didn’t. I’m assuming you’re the reason why.”

 

“I… I see.” Riven paused unsurely. “Well, I certainly hope I am worthy of such an honor.”

 

“I hope, for all our sakes, that you are too.”

 

* * *

 

_ This was… strange? Strange was certainly one way to put the situation she was in. _

 

_ It was dark. All that lit up her vision was a small candle on the table, the flame flickering erratically. _

 

_ Across her was Irelia and Ahri. Not separately, as they should be, but combined. Riven wasn’t quite sure why or how, but that’s what appeared before her. _

 

_ “Rivy? May I ask you something?” _

 

_ Their voices were mixed together as well, clashing with each other. Irelia’s serious tone and Ahri’s sultry playfulness were complete opposites. _

 

_ This was a very unnerving experience, to say the least. _

 

_ “Riven,” they repeated. _

 

_ “What? What is it?” _ _   
_ _   
_ __ They smiled strangely, causing an involuntary shiver to run down Riven’s spine. “Do you like me?”

 

_ The warrior paused, unsure of what they meant. What kind of question was that? “Of course I do.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ They shook their head. “No, I don’t mean like that. Do you  _ like __ me?”

 

_ “L-like? Like…  _ like _ like?” she asked dumbly. “W-which one of you?” Did they mean Ahri or Irelia? Or both? _

 

_ “Do you like me?” they repeated, as if they didn’t hear her question. _

 

_ “I-I don’t understand,” Riven stuttered. _

 

_ “What’s there to understand?” They tilted their head at her. “It’s only a yes or no question.” _

 

_ “I… I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know if I like either of you that way.” _

 

_ The woman in front of her hummed quietly, yet the sound completely filled her ears. _

 

_ “Is it possible?” _

 

_ “What?” _ _   
_ _   
_ __ “For you to like me that way?”

 

_ “I… I guess?” _

 

_ The corners of their lips turned downwards by just the slightest millimeter. “I see. May I ask you another question?” _

 

_ “Sure?” _

 

_ Everything fell silent and still. All Riven was aware of was the sensation and sound of her heart beating, an intense gaze boring into her soul. _

 

_ “Why did you kill me?” _

 

_ Riven flinched like the question struck her physically across the face. “I-I didn’t want to.” _

 

_ They stood up, slowly beginning to loom over the exile. “Why did you kill me?” _

 

_ “I-I don’t know,” she choked, unsuccessfully holding back tears. _

 

_ Their face became more distorted and disturbing than it already was. Her vision soon became filled with nothing but the monster in front of her. “Why did you kill me?” _

 

_ “I’m sorry,” she screamed.”I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” _

 

_ “Why did you kill me? Why did you do it, Riven? Why?” _

 

**w͏̴̨͠͝H͟͡͠͏͞Y͟͢͟y̧͟ ̢͡d̢̡̢̛͏i̷̷͢D̢͢͏͟ ̶̢̡͢Y̴̴y̴̵̨Ơ͘͟U͘͝ų̡ ̸̵͟K͏͜I̛͞L͏̕L͝͞ ͘͏͟m̴̡͞E͝҉̸̛͡E͜͢E̡͏e̵͏͠e̶̷̴͡ ̕͏͟҉r̡I̷͘͡V̡͜͟E̷͠N̴̨̕N̨̛**

 

* * *

 

Riven jolted upright, her voice hoarse from screaming and yelling while asleep. Her heart was beating rapidly, her body trembling from the cold and fear she felt. Her breathing was as shaky as her movements, and her cheeks were wet with tears.

 

“Riven? Are you okay?”

 

Irelia reached out to her unsurely, like she was afraid of startling the exile further. Still, Riven flinched away from her, not wanting to burden Irelia with her problems.

 

Especially not when they were like this. How would she even explain something like that to her?

 

She slowly got up, her movements stiff and controlled. She trudged over to the restroom, washing her face with cold water. It still felt unusually warm on her skin, which was still clammy from breaking into a cold sweat in her sleep.

 

She shivered, feeling Irelia’s eyes on her back.

 

This was a mistake.

 

She had no honor.


	18. Preparation

The day of their departure finally arrived, and Riven couldn’t be more nervous.

 

Even though Irelia had reassured her that the Ionians were a forgiving people, and even though Irelia herself was proof of that sentiment, Riven couldn’t help but dread going back to the islands. The only thing that comforted her was the fact that Irelia would be by her side almost constantly for two weeks. Although they’ve basically been doing that already for the past week, this would be a completely different experience.

 

“Wait!”

 

Riven looked behind her shoulder. “Ahri?”

 

The mage stopped in front of them, her hands on her knees as she struggled to catch her breath.

 

“Are you okay?” Riven asked after a few seconds of waiting.

 

Ahri nodded, but she didn’t look like she was recovering from her run. At all. In fact, it seemed like it was getting worse.

 

“Just… give me… give me a minute…”

 

“Did you need something?” Irelia snapped irately after a few more moments of listening to Ahri’s labored breathing.

 

Ahri nodded again, still doubled over dramatically. “I wanted to talk to Riven before you guys left.”   
  
Riven raised an eyebrow. “What do you want to talk about?”

 

The mage got up and rolled her eyes. “You going to Ionia, obviously. You don’t have any common sense sometimes, Rivy.”

 

Riven paused, deciding whether or not to ignore the insult. “What about it?”

 

Ahri gave her a strange look. “Why?”

 

Riven rubbed her temples. Ahri was just too much sometimes. “What are you even asking me?”

 

“Why would you go back? It’s dangerous.”

 

“Ionia is one of the safest places in Valoran,” Irelia stated. “She is in no danger.”

 

Ahri scoffed. “Maybe it’s a safe place for someone like  _ you _ . Try thinking beyond yourself for once.”

 

Irelia’s eyes lit up. “And what exactly are you implying?”

 

Ahri crossed her arms. “All I’m saying is that you’re being extremely selfish.”

 

Riven put her hands up in a placating manner. “Woah, Ahri. Calm down.”   
  
Irelia stepped forward, her eyes narrowed at the mage. “The only selfish one here is you,  _ fox _ .”

 

“ _ Me _ ?!” Ahri gasped disbelievingly. “How am  _ I _ the selfish one?”

 

“Simple. You’re just trying to keep Riven for yourself. It’s not my fault you’re not allowed back home anymore.”

 

“That’s a ridiculous accusation. I just have Riven’s safety in mind. And actually, it is. You voted for it.”

 

Irelia grit her teeth. “I admit, I  _ did _ vote against you, but with Ionia’s best interests in mind. If that’s really the case as to why you don’t want her going back to Ionia with me, then you have nothing to worry about. I promise you Riven will be safe.”

 

“You,” Ahri jabbed a finger at Riven’s chest. “You stay safe. Call the Institute if anything goes wrong.

 

“And  _ you _ ,” Ahri turned to Irelia. “You watch over Riven. I won’t forgive you if anything bad happens to her in Ionia.”

 

Irelia stared down Ahri, her eyes narrowed. “Is that a threat?”

 

Ahri grinned devilishly. “Absolutely.”

 

Irelia kept her glare for a few more seconds before she laughed wholeheartedly. “Good.”

 

Riven looked between the two Ionians, completely confounded as to what was happening in their little exchange. Ahri just admitted that she was threatening her, but Irelia just laughed in response. It was almost like she was amused or even happy for some reason.

 

Ahri joined Irelia in laughing and Riven only got more confused. They looked like they were about to murder each other just a few moments ago, but now they looked like a couple of friends joking around. What was going on?

 

“Okay, but seriously, make sure you take care of her.” Ahri suddenly went back to a serious demeanor.

  
“Of course,” Irelia reassured, returning to her usual stoicness. “I would never let harm befall her if I have any say in it.”

 

“Good.”

 

Riven shifted uncomfortably, feeling awkward standing in between the two. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of the situation, and she felt like she was walking on thin ice as well.

 

“Rivy? What’s wrong?” Ahri turned to her curiously, immediately detecting Riven’s unease. Irelia picked up on it a little slower, but still 

 

“I don’t understand,” she stated simply.

 

Ahri giggled. “You don’t have to, silly. This is something just between Irelia and me, right?” She flashed a wink at the other Ionian, who just stared (glared?) at her in silence. Ahri nudged the black-haired warrior with an elbow.

 

Irelia sighed. “Right,” she reaffirmed reluctantly. “We’re just…” She made several gestures, unsure of how to explain herself.

 

“Anyway,” Ahri turned back to Riven, “I better not see so much as a scratch on your pretty little face when you come back.”

 

Ahri gave Riven a quick kiss on the cheek before skipping away. She raised a hand to her face, feeling the spot Ahri’s lips touched.

 

“Hey Irelia, why’s Ahri not allowed in Ionia?”   
  
Irelia stiffened, becoming even more tense than she already was. “There has been several… incidences, involving the fox. The council has determined that it’s for the best she not be allowed back in. Ever.”

 

“She’s not a fox,” Riven muttered irritably under her breath.

  
“Pardon?”   
  
“She’s not a fox,” Riven repeated agitatedly, her voice a little louder. “She’s a person, just like you and me.”

 

At the surprised look she received, she shrunk back timidly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

 

“No, no,” Irelia reassured. “It’s fine. It’s…” She paused. “It is good to hear that you two care about each other so much.”

 

Riven frowned. It didn’t sound like Irelia agreed with the words that came out of her mouth, but she wasn’t going to bring it up. Something in the back of her mind told her that wouldn’t have been the best course of action.

 

The two walked towards the ship in silence, their footsteps muffled in with the chatter in the background. Riven looked down at the ticket in her hand in an effort to ignore the strange looks she was receiving and the hushed whispers she heard.

 

“Here,” Irelia said suddenly, abruptly stopping in front of Riven. “Here’s our ship. Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

“Riven?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I must ask you… how  _ do _ you feel about going back to Ionia?”

  
  
Riven paused, not expecting such a question. “I… I feel like throwing up,” she answered truthfully. She wasn’t exactly ecstatic about this whole trip, now that Ahri reminded her why she should be nervous about the whole ordeal.

 

“Getting cold feet?” Irelia joked halfheartedly. “If you want, you can still stay here instead. The ship won’t take off for another ten minutes,” she said quietly, moreso to herself than Riven.

 

Riven shook her head. “No, I want to go.”

 

Irelia breathed a small sigh of relief, although she still seemed uneasy about something. “I hope I’m not pressuring you into this. I do not wish to impose more stress upon you, Riven.”

 

“You’re not,” Riven reassured. “I just… I feel like this is something I  _ need _ to do. I’m not sure why.”

 

“Perhaps to find inner peace?” Irelia suggested. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to reflect once we’re there.”

 

Riven hummed absentmindedly. That sounded about right, but something else was still nagging at her. Something, no, someone else was the reason why she wanted to go to Ionia.

 

Irelia.

 

But she wasn’t going to say that.

 

“Maybe,” she murmured, fiddling with her thumbs. “Maybe,” she repeated once more. “How long’s the trip?”

 

“It should take us around seven hours or so to reach the ports. It should take around one and a half more to reach the capital. Soraka will be waiting for us there with her boyfriend.”

 

“Soraka has a boyfriend?” Riven asked, surprised. The thought of the Starchild being in a relationship had never occurred to her for some reason. It wasn’t surprising though, as Soraka was a very pretty and motherly individual. Riven however, found it a little hard to ignore the fact that she was essentially a goat woman.

 

But then again, she was head over heels for an undead lich, so who was she to judge?

 

Irelia nodded in response to her question. “She does. It’s a new relationship apparently, so not many people know about it.”

 

Well, this certainly piqued Riven’s interest. “So who’s she dating?”

 

Irelia, for some reason, looked a little sheepish at this point. “To be honest, I don’t even know who she’s dating. She never told me who her boyfriend is, only that she was courting someone.”

 

“Then this’ll be a surprise for both of us, huh?” Riven joked playfully.

 

Irelia smiled like she knew something Riven didn’t. “Soraka’s always been full of surprises, believe it or not. Once you’ve known her for as long as I have, you stop being surprised after a while.”

 

“Oh really?” Riven was learning an awful lot of new things about Soraka. “What’s she done that’s so surprising?”

 

“Oh, I shouldn’t gossip.” Irelia waved a hand noncommittally. “We’re better than this, aren’t we?”

 

“No we’re not.”

 

Irelia grinned devilishly. “You’re right. Did you know she goes into heat? It’s very amusing to watch her all flustered during that time of the year.”

 

Riven’s eyebrows raised at that. Surprising, not quite what she was expecting. “She does? When?”

 

“Around the wintertime or so. She was in it about a month ago if I’m not mistaken. Usually she’s very calm and patient, but she gets really agitated easily when she’s in heat.

 

“Oh. OH.” That explains why Soraka seemed to have snapped or something earlier in the month. It was completely uncharacteristic of her to lose her cool, but now Riven knew why she did.

 

“She also hates bananas, did you know that?”

 

Now  _ this _ was a surprise. Riven did a double take to make sure she hadn’t heard incorrectly.

 

“Really now?”

 

Irelia nodded in affirmation. “She absolutely despises the taste of them. She only likes how they remind her of the crescent moon, but apparently she’s growing weary of all the banana-related gifts she’d gotten from fans. Well, except for a certain pillow.”

 

Riven’s eyes widened. She was sure Irelia had meant  _ that _ pillow. “You saw that banana pillow too?”

 

Irelia nodded once again. “It’s from her boyfriend. Apparently he loves bananas, and she doesn’t have the heart to tell him how she really feels about them.”

 

“But shouldn't he know something like that? After all, he’s the one dating her.”

 

“Soraka’s not the type to bring something like that up. She only told me because I asked about all the weird gifts she had. Well, before she threw most of them away. Apparently, a banana shaped back scratcher and plunger is very effective.”

 

* * *

 

Well, Riven hadn’t expected to gossip with Irelia the entire time they were on that boat (mostly about Soraka and her scandalous sock collection, since why would she need any or so many?), but that’s what happened. Now they were in a horse-drawn carriage.

 

“So?” Irelia asked a few minutes into the ride. “What do you think?”

 

“Ionia is beautiful,” Riven commented, admiring the cherry blossoms outside the window. “I didn’t get to enjoy it when I was last here.”

 

She paused. “It’s kind of sickening how blind I was back then, to be able to lay waste to such a beautiful place.”

 

“None of that, Riven. We’re here to enjoy ourselves, are we not? Let’s not ruin the joyful mood with such dour thoughts just yet.”

 

Riven fell silent. She stole a glance at Irelia, who was staring out the window with a serene smile on her face.

 

Yeah, this trip was already worth it, if not just for this one moment.


	19. Persistence

“Irelia?”

 

“Yes, Riven?”

 

“Why don’t you hate me?”

 

Irelia turned to look at her, her expression blank. Riven could register the surprise in her eyes though.

 

“Am I supposed to?”

 

Riven shrugged. “I’m just wondering.”

 

Irelia put a hand on the exile’s shoulder, prompting Riven to shift her gaze from the horizon to the Ionian.

 

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” Irelia said in a soft voice.

 

“I don’t understand,” Riven admitted, looking back out the window. “I’m a Noxian. I’ve killed countless Ionians in the invasion. Don’t you hate me for that?”

 

Slender fingers tapped against the seat of the carriage in thought, green eyes glued to the scenery outside.

 

“… Perhaps not,” she finally answered, apparently satisfied with answer she’d thought of.

 

“Perhaps not?” Riven repeated unsurely, confused by what she meant.

 

“I have… admittedly, conflicted feelings towards you.” Irelia shifted uncomfortably. “I’m still unsure about how I feel towards you, to be frank.”

 

“Ah.” Riven didn’t know what she was expecting to hear. but “perhaps not” was most definitely not what she had in mind. For some reason, Irelia’s answer stung at her chest.

 

“Perhaps I should elaborate. I don’t hate you, Riven. I do not hate you for who you are or what you did.”

 

“But I’m Noxian. I killed your people.”

 

Irelia looked at her strangely, questioningly. “Is that all you are?” she asked, her voice a harsh whisper. “A Noxian killer?”

 

Was that a rhetorical question? Riven felt a surge of anger rise in her chest. “Of course. That’s all I’ve ever been and that’s all I am. Just because I’ve deflected from Noxus doesn’t change that fact.”

 

A small frown graced Irelia’s pink lips. “Your identity goes beyond being a Noxian, Riven. Do not simply define yourself as only that when you are so much more.”

 

Confusion grew evident on Riven's face. “Does being an Ionian not define you? Is that not what you are? Are you not the epitome of what it means to be Ionian?” Riven asked, growing somewhat angry at Irelia.

 

The woman across from her paused in thought, thinking over her next words very carefully. “I would like to believe I’m a model Ionian, just as you believe yourself to be a true Noxian. I am simply stating that you shouldn’t let yourself be solely defined as something as abstract as nationality.

 

“You are a strong woman because you are you, not because you’re a Noxian.”

 

“I… I see,” Riven muttered. She looked down at her twiddling thumbs, a small blush creeping on her cheeks. “Thank you.”

 

Irelia smiled. “The truth must be told at all costs. After all, that is the Ionian way.”

 

* * *

 

“After you.”

 

Irelia giggled and smiled. “What a gentleman you are. Thank you, Riven.”

 

Riven hadn’t even taken one step out of the carriage when she was tackled to the ground.

 

Varus had lunged towards Riven, his corrupted hands now painfully wrapped around the exile’s neck. She clawed at his arms, struggling to get him off of her. Only when she felt a hot acidic liquid splash onto her body and an unknown force lifting him away did he release his grip.

 

She let out an anguished scream at the sensation, only to be cut off by a lack of breath. The archer’s blood had begun to burn where it touched her flesh, the corrupted liquid quickly corroding through her skin.

 

Flashbacks of Coeur Valley began to play in her head. The scent of Zaunite gas came back and filled her nostrils, and she couldn’t take it anymore. She emptied her stomach on the ground, crying and begging for it to stop.

 

“Make it stop, make it stop!” she cried out, repeatedly muttering it to herself even after Soraka had healed her.

 

Irelia now stood protectively in front of her, guarding her from more of the corrupted man’s fury. Soraka and a few others were trying to hold back the enraged Ionian, but they were barely able to constrain him physically. Black blood poured out from the spots where Irelia’s blades were lodged in his body. She could hear drops of it sizzling, burning through the patch of grass on the ground.

 

It took half a dozen men to hold back Varus now, who looked like he was about to froth at the mouth at any given moment.

 

Irelia stormed up to the Starchild, shock and anger apparent in her expression. “Soraka! What is Varus doing here? Don’t tell me that—”

 

“Yes, he’s the one I’ve been seeing.” She smiled sheepishly. “I apologize for his outburst. I had no idea he would react so violently. He only seemed a little perturbed when I announced your arrival…”

 

“Only a little, huh?” Riven scoffed, coughing, rubbing her neck. She could feel the indentations Varus’s fingernails dug into her skin. She was lucky he hadn’t drawn blood, although Riven was having some trouble returning her breathing to normal at the moment. “I don’t know about that. He seems pretty upset to me,” she said sarcastically, obviously bitter about the whole ordeal.

 

Soraka’s cheeks darkened in a blush and she averted her eyes from Riven’s. “Yes, only a little. Once again, I’m sorry about what happened. Rest assured, I’ll make sure he’s… _constrained_ , I suppose, the next time you see him. Just in case he attempts to hurt you again.”

 

“You suppose?” Irelia asked, her voice full of doubt. “You really think he can be reasoned with? He seemed to be feral just now. He better be in an iron cage if there’s a chance he’ll even be near Riven.”

 

Soraka frowned a little at her attitude, but elected to ignore the jab at her lover. “I believe so, but I’m not sure. Varus is a very reasonable man, but I’ve never seen him so… _infuriated_. I think it’s because Riven’s a Noxian.”

 

“You think?” Irelia questioned once again, agitation breaking through her normally stoic demeanor. “That was undoubtedly a hate crime. I should have him arrested for attacking Riven for such a crude reason.”

 

“Now, now, Irelia. You can’t blame him for his actions with what he’s been through and his past.”

 

“I can’t believe you’re defending him right now. He attacked Riven with the intent to kill her. You saw what happened!”

 

Riven was silent throughout their argument, slowly backing away from the two Ionians beginning to increasingly get madder and madder at each other. Suddenly she felt a hand grab her and pull her to the side.

 

Surprised, she turned to confront her assailant as soon as she was released, but was surprised to see a certain monkey king in front of her.

 

“Wukong?”

 

“Shh,” he shushed, putting his index finger up to his lips. “Be quiet. I don’t want them to know I’m here,” he whispered. Wukong gestured to the two arguing individuals, who were getting louder by the second. “Are you okay?”

 

“I think so, but why do you care?” she asked warily.

 

“Our mutual friend has asked for me to keep you safe during trip to Ionia.”

 

“Mutual friend?” Riven paused for a moment to think. “You mean Ahri?”

 

“Yes, yes, the fox.”

 

“She’s not a fox.”

 

“She’s foolish is what she is, wanting to become a human. I don’t understand her at all. There’s nothing appealing about you besides your strength.”

 

“Excuse me?” she asked, more confused than offended.

 

“Never mind. Anyway, I need you to do me a favor and pretend that attack didn’t just happen.”

 

Riven opted to ignore the jab at her attractiveness. “And why not? Ahri would want to know.”

 

“Exactly. She’s too involved with you if you ask me. I don’t know why she wants me to watch over you when she’s the one obsessed with you.”

 

“Well, she’s terrible at hiding for one thing—”

 

Riven paused, suddenly realizing something.

 

“Wait, I’m the one Ahri’s been paying you to get information about, aren’t I? Have you been stalking me?” Riven suddenly felt very self-conscious about her surroundings.

 

“Well, yes, but I haven’t seen you naked or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

Riven let out a sigh of relief, but all too soon.

 

“I do need to know what your bra size is though.”

 

…

 

Riven’s face paled. The urge to strike Wukong was overwhelming at this point.

 

“No, you don’t.”

 

“Yes, I do. Ahri promised me three extra pieces banana bread every week if I can find out. That’s ten a week.” He held up ten fingers to emphasize his point.

 

“Oh yeah? Too bad that’s not happening.”

 

Wukong grit his teeth, determined to find out her bra size. “Oh yeah? What’s going to stop me?”

 

Riven paused for a moment, thinking. Truth be told, even if she was willing to divulge that information to Wukong, she didn’t even remember what she used to wear before the incident.

 

“If you drop this subject, I won’t tell Ahri about what just happened.”

 

Wukong frowned, silent as he contemplated his options. “… Fine, but only because I won’t get paid otherwise. Try to stay safe while you’re here, got it?”

 

She scoffed. “It’s not like I got attacked on purpose.”

 

Wukong waved her off. “Whatever. Just… make my job a little easier, will ya?”

 

And with that, he scampered off.

 

Riven was about to shout for him to come back when she heard a voice behind her.

 

“Riven? Why are you hiding behind this tree?”

 

She turned to see Irelia looking at her, concerned. “Uh, no reason. She stepped out of the bushes and onto the path. “So, uh, is it over?”

 

Irelia sighed. “Yes, it is. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ve been slacking on my job as Captain of the Guard,” she said, chastising herself. “I should have known who would be here. I should have pressed Soraka for more information on who her boyfriend was, especially since she seemed so reluctant to tell.”

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

Irelia shook her head. “Yes it is. I knew everyone who would greet us here, but I didn’t know the exact identity of Soraka’s boyfriend. I thought I could trust her but—”

 

Riven reached out to Irelia, stopping the Ionian from verbally beating herself up further. “It’s okay, Irelia. I’m okay now.”

 

“But—”

 

“Irelia.”

 

The Captain smiled a little, looking down at the ground. “Thank you Riven. I assure you, something like this won’t happen again.”

 

“And I trust you. Where is Soraka anyway?” Riven asked, just noticing the Starchild’s absence.

 

“Calming down Varus, or trying to. We had to use magic to restrain him, or more specifically Karma did since Soraka wasn’t willing to at first.”

 

Irelia turned to face Riven even more, squirming uncomfortably. “I must apologize to you regarding Varus once again. I had no idea his blood would be—well—acidic. I acted rashly—”

 

“Irelia,” Riven interrupted. “You don’t have to apologize. You did what you had to.”

 

“But you were in so much pain…”

 

“Pain is temporary,” Riven reassured, even though she could still remember and feel the acid burning through her skin, even though phantom pains plagued her entire existence.

 

She forced a smile.

 

“I’ll be fine.”


	20. Moments

“Riven, are you up?”  
  
She groaned in response, her face planted straight into the pillow. She didn’t even bother to look when her ears told her that Irelia had let herself in.

 

“You should really lock your door, you know,” the Ionian teased. “It’s dangerous. You said so yourself.”

 

Riven angrily mumbled into her pillow, grumbling something inaudible to her own ears. She was _not_ in the mood for being lectured today.

 

She heard Irelia giggle at her lethargy, the soft mattress giving in slightly as Irelia sat beside her prone form.

 

“Wake up, Riven.” Irelia jostled her gently. “The festival already started. You need to get up.”

 

“Ugh…” Shit. “What time is it?”

 

“10:50 A.M. Late by our standards, is it not?”

 

It definitely was, and Riven reluctantly pushed herself up, blinking wearily. She couldn’t let herself continue to indulge in unhealthy habits if she were to recover.

 

“Good morning, Riven,” Irelia said with a dazzling smile.

 

“Good morning, Irelia.” Riven stretched out and yawned, rubbing away the crust that built up around her eyes in her sleep.

 

“Want to get something to eat?”

 

On cue, as if to answer Irelia’s question, her stomach growled.

 

“Y-yeah,” Riven mumbled, her cheeks pink. “What’s there to eat around here?”

 

“There’s a really good dim sum restaurant nearby,” Irelia suggested. She looked a little forlorn at the idea. “It used to be my favorite place to eat when I was little.”

 

“I’ve never had dim sum before,” Riven commented quickly to distract Irelia from her thoughts. “What is it?”

 

“It’s a type of Ionian cuisine where dumplings and other snacks are served in small portions. Come on, Riven,” Irelia said, her eyes sparkling. “Just give it a try. You’ll love it.”

 

Riven nodded. “Alright, if you say so.”

 

* * *

 

Ionian dining was certainly… something different. Even the utensils were foreign to her.

 

Riven found herself struggling with chopsticks once again when she heard Irelia chuckle underneath her breath.

 

She frowned, pouting. “It’s not funny,” she whined, after dropping another… Ionian food item, on the table.

 

Irelia couldn’t hide her smile. “I apologize,” she said, not sounding very sorry at all. “Here, let me help you.”

 

Irelia took Riven’s hands in her own, gently correcting her hold on the chopsticks. “Do it like… this,” she said after she was satisfied with the way Riven’s fingers were now positioned. “Now try to pick something up. Just move one of them—the top one. The other should stay still.”

 

Riven wiggled the top chopstick to get a feel for it before moving to pick up one of the many different consumables on the table.

 

“Like this?” Riven managed to pick up a strange looking piece of red meat in one of the containers, even more strange looking than the other pieces of food. “Hey Irelia,” she called out after looking at what she had picked up. “What… what is this?” Riven asked unsurely. It kinda looked like…

 

“Chicken feet.”

 

“Oh.” Riven looked at it, then dropped it back where she got it. “Whoops.”

 

Irelia shot her a disapproving glare. “Pick that back up. You already touched it.”

 

Riven winced. “But it’s so _weird_.”

 

“It is not,” Irelia retorted, somewhat offended by Riven’s comment. “You won’t know if it’s good until you try it yourself.”

 

“Ugh… Fine.” Riven picked it back up and gingerly nibbled at one of the… fingers? Talons? Whatever they were called, it wasn’t as bad as she’d thought.

 

She noticed Irelia carefully studying her facial expression in the corner of her eye.

 

“So?” she asked. “What do you think?”  
  
“It’s… Well, the flavor’s not bad,” Riven commented, licking her lips. “It’s not my favorite thing in the world though. The texture’s too strange for me to fully enjoy it.”

 

“Fair enough,” Irelia replied, apparently satisfied now that she’s at least tried it. “Normally one doesn’t do this, but I’m going to take your chicken. I’d hate to waste it.”

 

“Oh, okay?” she replied a little unsurely as she watched Irelia take the piece of meat from her plate and bite into it. Something felt a little off now. Was it because of what was on her mind?

 

“Hey,” Riven called out softly. “Can I, um, can I ask you something?”

 

Irelia put down her chopsticks neatly beside her plate, arching a brow at Riven as she chewed on the meat. “I’m listening.”

 

She paused. Would this be a weird question?

 

No, she had to know; it’s been driving her crazy.

 

“How did Soraka start dating Varus?” she blurted out before she could hesitate some more. Riven couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy directed at the two. Something inside her wished she could have that kind of relationship with Irelia, but something else told her that would be impossible. The whole idea of it made her feel queasy for some reason.

 

Irelia hummed thoughtfully. “I’m not sure. I know he sees Soraka like we do for therapy, but I never expected a relationship to form from it. She hasn’t told me much about their relationship besides the fact she was dating an Ionian man in the League. I certainly didn’t picture it to be Varus, but…” Irelia coughed, cutting herself off. “Perhaps you should ask her the next time we see her.”

 

“Did you expect her to be dating someone else?” Riven asked. Irelia sounded kind of… embarrassed?

 

“Yes, actually. I thought she was seeing Lee Sin, even though he… never mind. I must admit, when she told me, I was a little… jealous,” she said with a bit of red in her cheeks.

 

Riven’s heart sank. “Of her?” she asked, dreading the worst.

 

Irelia shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Yes, I may have had the slightest… infatuation with him.” She looked down at her lap, fanning herself with a hand. “Is it hot in here? How did we even reach this topic again?”

 

“Soraka and Varus,” Riven deadpanned, not amused with Irelia’s behavior. Certainly Lee Sin wasn’t _that_ attractive, right? Well, he had abs, but Riven had abs too! She just doesn’t show them off constantly like he does. Maybe Irelia would be attracted to her if she knew she had abs too. Maybe—

 

“Oh. Right,” Irelia interrupted her thoughts. The Ionian bit her lip, still a little embarrassed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to unload that information on you. It’s just… Riven, you’re a really close friend to me, you know? I just feel like I can really trust you after all these months.”

 

“That’s very kind of you, Irelia,” Riven said with a bittersweet taste on her tongue. “I feel the same way. You’re a… good friend.” She faked a smile, hoping it came off more of a grin than a grimace.

 

“Don’t worry, Riven. You have nothing to be jealous of,” Irelia teased but after she finished saying that, she looked like she was shocked. “I mean, he expressed no interest in me that way.”

 

Riven blinked. A part of her felt some relief but another was screaming in agony. Her face, however, was now just blank. Well, she tried her best to seem indifferent. “Oh. You asked him out?”

 

“It was quite a while back but yes, I had confessed my feelings for him on Valentine’s day many, many moons ago.” Irelia looked extremely uncomfortable now. “Can we… can we change the topic? This is extremely embarrassing to discuss,” she begged, looking like she was about to cry.

 

“Of course,” Riven replied quickly. She wasn’t about to complain about dropping the discussion of Irelia’s crush on Lee Sin, but she still wanted to know more about this development, even though she knew it would just drive her crazy.

 

You know, the fact that Irelia was straight.

 

Well, a hopeful yet foolish part of her argued that Irelia could be into both guys and girls, but the statistics didn’t lie. The chance that she would was low in comparison to the chance that she only liked boys.

 

Still, a chance was a chance, right?

 

Riven had to keep telling herself that.

 

That she would be happy with only being friends, that it wouldn’t matter if they weren’t together.

 

Even though Riven would never be satisfied with just that.

 

“Riven? Are you okay?”

 

She jumped a little. “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

Irelia hid a smile with her hand. “Cheer up, you’ve got nothing to be jealous of.”

 

“Wh—I am _not_ jealous,” she pouted. It was a lie, but she still felt the need to defend herself. “We’re not even dating,” she said, much to her chagrin.

 

“Ugh,” Irelia groaned, sounding distressed about the idea of dating Riven, which did not help with her ego. “You’re right. Sorry for teasing you, Riven, I didn’t mean it.”

 

“It’s fine,” she replied, except it was not fine at all. She was not fine. Irelia had become her source of pain and happiness, and the thought terrified her. Was this what love was like? To be able to be the light of one’s life but the darkness in it as well?

 

“Riven, if something’s on your mind, feel free to tell me. You don’t have to worry about ruining the mood of the festival. I care about you, and I don’t want you to feel miserable throughout the celebration.”

 

“ _I said everything's fine_ ,” she snapped irritably, more so than she anticipated. The shocked look on Irelia’s face made her instantly regret defaulting to her usual untruthful response, but it wasn’t like she could divulge to Irelia what was on her mind. Telling Irelia that she was always on her mind, that seeing her sent Riven’s heart somersaulting?

 

She would rather die than confess with the chance—the very probable chance—that she would be rejected.

 

It would break her.

 

Irelia’s lips puckered up like she had eaten an extremely sour lemon. She seemed to be conflicted with herself as she sat in silence, staring at Riven with her green piercing eyes.

 

“Fine,” she reluctantly said after what seemed like an eternity. “I’m not going to pressure you to open up to me, although I will voice that I don’t appreciate you lying to me about your well-being, Riven. You’ve been zoning out more than usual, and that’s saying something. I know a lot’s on your mind and I respect your personal space, but don’t take me for a fool. When you’re ready to speak what’s on your mind, I will be here for you.”

 

“I…” Riven trailed off, sighing and rubbing her neck before looking up apologetically. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just…” Riven pressed her lips together, unsure of what to say. “I just, I don’t know, I just…”

 

Irelia’s hand reached out to her, a graceful smile adorning the Ionian’s face. “It’s okay. In due time, Riven. I forgive you, you’ve done enough apologizing for a lifetime.”

 

She got up, neatly folding the napkin on her lap and putting it down on the table. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to head to the washroom. I’ll be back in a moment.”

 

Riven nodded as Irelia excused herself. Damn, she felt like a terrible person. Irelia looked as if she’d been stabbed in the back by Riven when she had her little outburst, and she never wanted to see Irelia look so hurt again.

 

Riven poked at the food on her plate as a realization dawned on her.

 

Irelia eating earlier with her here. She was actually _eating_.

 

As she processed this information, Irelia walked back into their little dining area, a somewhat fancy and secluded spot from the rest of the restaurant. “I’m back,” she said. “Missed me?” she asked with a teasing tone.

 

“You, you just ate,” Riven said with a dropped jaw.

 

Irelia nodded sagely. “That I did.”

 

“But you never eat,” she pointed out.

 

Irelia’s face hardened and she looked around them, scrutinizing the area with the same gaze she used to use on Riven. “Keep your voice down,” she instructed. “We’ll talk about this later. This really isn’t a topic to discuss while eating, trust me. For now, let’s just say I have to keep up appearances while I’m in public.”  
  
“Okay?” Riven reluctantly answered, more than a little confused. “If you say so,” she said unsurely. It made sense, keeping a secret like that from the masses. It was one thing for a revered Noxian hero to be undead, but for an Ionian one?

 

Ionia was all about being spiritual and natural. Necromancy was extremely frowned upon. According to official records, she was saved from the brink of death.

 

Riven, on the other hand, knew better.

 

She knew Irelia’s dark secret, a secret that they both knew would eventually be revealed, and she feared how the Ionian people would react once they find out that their country’s hero was a unnatural mistake. She had no idea how they would feel as a Noxian, and that frightened her.

 

The thought made Riven scared, terrified for her friend’s future.

 

“I think I’m done eating,” Irelia stated, sounding satisfied. “What about you?”

 

“I’m not that hungry anymore,” she responded. The grim thoughts in her mind really made her appetite disappear.

 

“Well, let’s get going then. I still have lots to show you,” Irelia beamed at her, and Riven thought about how she would never get sick of that amazing smile.

 

* * *

 

Night had fallen, and they were setting up fireworks now after an extremely busy first day.

 

Well, the others were setting up fireworks. Riven and Irelia were sitting atop a grassy hill, waiting for them to finish. Here, they could barely hear the loud chatter of the festival. Irelia had led her to a “secret location” where the Ionian had always wandered off to during festivals for some alone time.

 

Sure, the festival was nice and all, but Riven really enjoyed the peace and quiet this isolated place offered.

 

As did Irelia, judging from her content smile.

 

It was silent, and Riven was fine with it for once. However, she felt like Irelia was expecting something from her with the way she kept glancing at the Noxian from the corner of her eyes.

 

“So…” Riven started, looking for a conversation topic. What to say, what to say…

 

Then she remembered something that’s been bothering her all day.  
  
“About you eating earlier…”

 

Irelia scoffed and looked at her as if she were annoyed. “Really?” she asked, almost in disbelief.

  
Riven put her hands up defensively. “I’m just curious!”

 

Her companion sighed, frustrated with something. With Riven, probably.

 

“My internal organs don’t work the same way they used to. They’re a lot weaker, so I can only fully process liquids. I have to force solid foods out through my esophagus if I eat them to avoid bloating, otherwise they just kinda… sit there, stuck, which is no good.”

 

“Oh. That sucks. I guess that chicken really went to waste after all, huh?”

 

Irelia nodded, a small frown on her lips. “I suppose so. I couldn’t even taste it.”

 

“That sucks. I didn’t know you were bulimic as well. I thought you were just anorexic.”

 

Irelia shot her a dirty glance.  
  
She cringed under her glare. “Sorry, that was bad.”

 

“Yes, yes it was,” Irelia said, completely unamused with the exile.

 

Ouch, touchy subject. She should have known better.

 

Riven decided to pretend that their little exchange of words never happened and stretched out, looking up at the sky as she laid down on the green grass. Irelia followed suit, sighing as she relaxed beside the exile.

 

Silence followed, stiffer than the last one.

 

“Hey Riven?” she called out softly, sounding a little afraid.

 

“What is it?” Riven had a sinking feeling in her gut suddenly.

 

“I…”

 

Fireworks shot into the air, interrupting Irelia in her hesitation and startling them both. Riven took a look back at Irelia to see if she was going to finish her sentence, but Irelia seemed to forget all about it as her eyes sparkled with the joy of an innocent child’s while watching the sky light up. She seemed to really enjoy the fireworks, so Riven was fine with letting her revel in the celebration, her unspoken words seemingly all but forgotten.

 

Riven turned her attention back to the night sky and bright display of explosions, but found herself looking at Irelia more than the show she was supposed to watch. The way the lights reflected off of her pale skin, lighting up her already beautiful face in the dark of night, painting it with new exotic colors.

 

The way she felt now…

 

Maybe, just maybe…

 

Perhaps love wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe she’d be content with just being friends with her, as long as Irelia was happy and in her life.

 

But something told her that wouldn’t be true. That she’d always long for something more than just friendship with the Ionian, and that it would drive her crazy never being able to truly call Irelia hers.

 

The Ionian woman on her mind caught her staring through the corner of her eye, and Riven nearly panicked before the Ionian simply smiled at her.

 

“Thank you,” Irelia whispered, her words barely audible to their ears as fireworks exploded in the distance. A soft smile was on her face, her eyes expectant once more, and it intimidated the exile.

 

Riven smiled back nervously. What was she supposed to do?

 

A few seconds passed. Irelia’s grin faded and her eyes grew sad, and the Ionian turned her attention back to the fireworks once again with a bittersweet look on her face.

 

Riven’s heart sank a little. Did she do something wrong?


	21. Suppressed

Riven felt like her chest was being constricted, and it wasn’t because of her bandages.

 

Yesterday was one of the best days in her life, despite the revelation that Irelia was interested in boys. It was the first time she’s ever truly felt carefree in her life, but now she felt like absolute shit now that it was over.

 

She thought about Irelia, how she had made her feel so happy the day before, how the Ionian made her heart flutter every time her gorgeous eyes landed on the exile.

 

But now, she only felt an ache, a sense of longing for what she couldn’t get:

 

Irelia.

 

Riven had fallen for her,  _ hard _ . She couldn’t deny these feelings anymore.

 

Not when they hurt this much.

 

Not when they were this strong.

 

A beat of her heart.

 

Irelia shook her shoulder and suddenly it felt like it was on fire. “Riven? Are you feeling okay?”

 

“Yeah,” she said mindlessly, her mind still elsewhere. “I’m fine.”

 

There was a pause. “You don’t seem fine. Should we go back to the room early today? We can skip the festival today.”

 

“No, I’m fine,” she repeated in a monotone voice.

 

Irelia turned Riven’s head towards her, her eyes piercing into Riven’s mind. “Riven.”

 

She blinked a few times, finally coming back to her senses. “Huh? What?”

 

Irelia sighed. “I think we should go get some fresh air. Come on.”

 

* * *

 

“Where are we going?”

 

Irelia shrugged lazily. “We’re just walking for now. Is something wrong with that?”

 

“No, I think that’s a good idea. The festival’s a little too loud for my tastes,” Riven admitted. If she went everyday for two weeks, she’d probably end up deaf.

 

Irelia chuckled, and the sound of her laugh made Riven’s mouth feel dry. “I agree. When I come back to celebrate, I always sneak off to that place I showed you for some peace and quiet. I enjoy the festivities as much as the next person but it gets a little overbearing, especially when it goes on for two weeks.”

 

Riven’s heart thumped hard.

 

Oh god. She forgot she’d be here for two weeks. She didn’t think she could handle seeing Irelia all day everyday for that long. Not anymore. Not after she’s accepted her attraction to the Ionian.

 

Riven licked her chapped lips anxiously. “Yeah, that’s rather excessive, don’t you think? I’n not sure I want to stay the entire time now,” she said in a subtle attempt to find out how long they’d be staying here.

 

A smile graced Irelia’s lips, and Riven wished for nothing more than to feel them pressed against her own. “It is, but it’s tradition. Nothing wrong with a little tradition. I do agree that it’s a bit long and impractical nowadays though. The festivities kind of die out after the first few days anyway. I was planning on returning to the Institute after a week here as well, unless you want to go back sooner?” Irelia looked at her unsurely. She didn’t seem like she wanted to leave early, and Riven didn’t want to make Irelia upset.

 

Could she handle that much torture for that long? She wasn’t sure she could make it through the rest of the day, let alone for at least five more.

 

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I’m not really comfortable with staying here that long.”

 

“Oh.” Irelia’s mood visibly deflated. “That’s no problem. We’ll go back in a few days then. I still have things to do here.”

 

Riven sighed. Of course she would be busy. She wouldn’t come back to Ionia just for fun. Hopefully she’ll be fine during that time. “What do you have to do?”

 

Irelia frowned slightly. “Well, I have to attend a sacred ceremony at our largest temple tomorrow. I also have to go to a meeting discussing what actions we should take towards the Unforgiven three days from now. That means we’ll be here for a total of five days.”

 

Riven nodded before she suddenly realized something. “The Unforgiven? You mean Yasuo?”

 

Irelia nodded sharply, her pretty face contorting into an ugly scowl. “He must be brought to justice for killing an Elder and betraying his homeland. The League can only protect him from punishment for so long.”

 

“I… I see. Is it possible I could come along?” Riven asked hopefully.

 

Irelia looked at her strangely. “You want to accompany me? My duties aren’t necessarily entertaining. I was planning on having you explore the island a bit more in my absence.”

 

“Yeah, I’d like to see what you do here,” she lied. She really didn’t want to see Irelia until she could sort out her feelings, but she didn’t have a choice. Wandering Ionia alone also wasn’t something she wanted to do either.

 

Irelia hesitated, her brow furrowed. “I… I  _ suppose _ I could bring you along to the temple as long as you respect and follow along with our traditions, but I’m afraid you can’t come with me to see the Elders.”

 

Riven bit her lip. She couldn’t live with feeling guilty. She had to expose herself.

 

What had Irelia said? That the truth must be told at all costs? That that was the Ionian way?

 

Riven could do with the Ionian way for some redemption.

 

“Why not?”

 

Irelia turned away from her and her frown deepened. “It’s a private discussion. You’ll be able to find out about our decision after we make it.”

 

“Can you make an exception for me?” Riven asked hopefully. This was probably her only chance to tell the Elders the truth.

 

Irelia glanced at her then averted her eyes once more. “Please do not ask me to bend the rules for you. I wish I could but I can’t,” she said sadly, catching Riven off guard with the unexpected emotion in her voice.

 

“Sorry,” Riven apologized. “I didn’t mean to pressure you into doing that, but I  _ need _ to talk to the Elders.”

 

Irelia arched an eyebrow at the exile. “Why is that?”

 

Riven absentmindedly scratched the back of her head. “Uh, I don’t think I should tell you. N-not that I don’t want you to know, but it’s something I need to say to all of the Elders. It’s really important,” she explained vaguely.

 

Irelia crossed her arms and sighed. “Fine. I will ask the duchess if it’s permissible for you to join us.”

 

“Thank you,” Riven said, and she truly meant it. That was all she needed, a chance to redeem herself.

 

* * *

 

“Do you want to play Hangman?”

 

“Not really,” Riven mumbled, her eyes closed as she lied down across the couch. The pandemonium in her mind was making her head hurt.

 

“Oh.”

 

The downtrodden look on Irelia’s face made Riven feel even worse, and she mentally cursed at herself for it. Dealing with a headache wasn’t as bad as dealing with guilt, especially if it was because of Irelia.

 

She sat up with a groan. “I’ll play with you if you want.”

 

Irelia smiled a little, but it looked extremely forced.

 

Riven didn’t have a good feeling about this.

 

“I’ll be back soon.” Irelia stood up and left to get the materials needed. Meanwhile, Riven twiddled her thumbs anxiously. Why was she so on edge all of a sudden?

 

Irelia returned with a notebook in her arms, effortlessly twirling a pencil between her slender fingers. “Let’s try something different while playing,” she said cheerily, although Riven could tell it was an act.

 

“Something different?” Riven asked, both intrigued and worried.

 

Irelia hesitated, and her fingers stopped moving. “I forgot to tell you that Hangman isn’t only figuring out one word, but you can also use phrases instead to make it a little more interesting. Let’s do that this time to change it up a little.”

 

Irelia paused again, her expression conflicted. “I-I’ll start,” she stuttered uncharacteristically.

 

She shakily drew the scaffold and lines. Something about Irelia’s unusual behavior rang alarm bells in Riven’s head. Why was she so nervous?

 

“Is something wrong?” she asked, her eyes scanning over Irelia’s body in search of any physical ailments. She

 

Irelia shook her head. “What? N-no, nothing’s wrong. Start guessing,” she demanded.

 

“Okay…” Riven paused to look at the paper. A one letter word, a four letter word, then a three letter word in that order. Seems simple enough.

  
  


“I can’t believe you didn't get any of them right.”

 

Irelia stared at the paper hopelessly, her fingers pressed against her temples. One head, one body, two arms, then two legs. Riven had lost after six consecutive turns.

 

“You didn’t even guess any vowels,” Irelia said, her face now buried in her hands. “Z? Who even guesses that on the first turn? All words have vowels in them, Riven, you’ve always started with a vowel. Are you even trying?” she asked, the smallest hint of anger in her voice.

 

To be honest, she wasn’t. She was too busy trying to figure out what the hell was going on inside her head and what Irelia was doing to her.

 

“S-sorry,” she apologized halfheartedly, her mind still overwhelmed with emotion. “I’m just distracted. I’m just kinda out of it. Maybe we can play later?”

 

A few seconds of silence.

 

“ **_No_ ** ,” Irelia declared loudly, surprising Riven with the amount of conviction in her tone. “You’re going to see this message  _ today _ , even if I have to draw even more details on the stickman for that to happen, even if I need to hang millions more of them, because I’ve put this off for  _ too damn long _ .”

 

Riven weakly raised her hands in a placating manner, afraid of Irelia’s sudden outburst. “O-okay, calm down! Is… is there an A in it?” she asked. A was a safe guess, right? It was the first letter of the alphabet and both of them usually guessed it first.

 

Little did she know how wrong she was.

 

An involuntary twitch of the lower eyelid, impossibly pink lips parting in a scowl, and something in Irelia just snapped.

 

She let out a wordless shout of frustration and frantically scribbled something on the notebook, slamming it closed and throwing it down onto a stunned Riven’s lap.

 

Riven could only sit there, paralyzed with shock, as she watched Irelia hastily leave the room, not even bothering to close the door on her way out.

 

Irelia wasn’t one to show her emotions very often because of what had happened to her and although Riven is one of the only people she’d open up around, she’d never seen he Ionian so irate. What was she so upset about?

 

Her eyes fell onto the closed notebook on her lap.

 

What did she write?

 

She gingerly opened the notebook to the page they were on, her heartbeat pounding rapidly in her ears. What could be so important?

 

Her eyes widened.

 

‘ _ I love you _ .’


	22. Revelations

She reread the words over and over again to make sure she wasn’t just seeing things.

 

‘ _I love you._ ’

 

It was written right there, plain as day. It actually _meant_ something, otherwise Irelia wouldn’t have stormed off just now.

 

Irelia loved her. She actually loved her _back_.

 

Her head was spinning.

 

This was all she wanted since she first met the Ionian warrior. Suddenly all her problems and fears melted away, only to be replaced with dawning horror at what she’s done and the mistakes she’s made.

 

She had to find Irelia.

 

* * *

 

“Riven? What’re you doing here?”

 

“No time to explain. Do you know where Irelia is?”

 

The fabric of Akali’s mask shifted slightly, the only sign that her facial expression changed. Her eyes remained as harsh and piercing as ever as they analyzed Riven. “She should be with you, should she not? You two have been rather inseparable as of late. Did something happen?”

 

Riven blushed involuntarily. “Y-yeah, she was with me earlier today, but she got mad and left just now. Any ideas where she might have gone?”

 

The ninja’s eyes narrowed slightly in thought. “Shen might know. Let me go get him.”

 

Akali unceremoniously slammed the door in her face.

 

A few minutes passed by before it opened again.

 

Shen just stared at her in greeting. It was especially unnerving since she couldn’t see his pupils. His eyes just… _glowed_.

 

“Irelia is in Karma’s room,” he finally said after a few seconds. “Go to her and restore the balance you unsettled.”

 

Riven just looked at him bemused. “What? How?”

 

She swore he was smirking underneath that mask.

 

“I think you already know how.”

 

* * *

 

“Um, Lee? Do you know where Karma’s room is?”

 

The monk hummed, not bothering to pause in his exercises or dance or whatever he was doing in the courtyard. A small spike of jealousy rose in her chest, even though she had nothing to be jealous of anymore. Irelia loved _her_ , and she was the one that loved her _back_.

 

“And why, might I ask, would you need to know such a thing?” he questioned after a moment, continuing to move in a controlled fashion.

 

Riven considered telling him about what happened with the captain, but he cut her off. “Would this have anything to do with Irelia?”

 

She winced. “Yes, actually. How’d you know?”

 

He chuckled, the vibrations rumbling in his throat. “I might be blind now, but that doesn’t stop me from seeing the unresolved sexual tension between you two.”

 

Riven recoiled in shock. “W-what?!” Her face was rapidly turning red and her only comfort was knowing the monk couldn’t see her visible embarrassment.

 

He finally stopped his motions, turning his head towards Riven. “You and Irelia and not very… discreet,” he said with an amused smile. “Irelia especially. I don’t think she’s shown that much emotion even before the war. It’s a shame it’s the frustration she feels so strongly now and not the love.”

 

Riven furrowed her brow. “Why’s she so frustrated?”

 

Lee Sin just stared at her. Well, he just faced her without saying anything, his head tilted and his mouth slightly ajar.

 

“You’re serious?” he asked in disbelief after a minute or so. “You’re _actually_ asking me that?” he mused,

 

“Uh, yes?” Why did he sound so exasperated with her? She almost felt offended.

 

He gestured at her lazily, almost amused with their little conversation. “This is why.”

 

She pointed at herself unsurely, forgetting that he couldn’t see for a moment. “Me?”

 

Lee Sin only nodded in response before returning to… well, returning to whatever it was he was doing before.

 

“Why?”

 

He sighed, but did not falter in his movements. “You’re answering your own questions, Riven. Try and think for a moment,” he said, stepping forward and then stepping to the side. This was beginning to feel extremely awkward for Riven.

 

She frowned. “I don’t understand.”

 

“I must say, you’re incredibly dense. No offense.”

 

Riven’s frown deepened. “I am not dense. I was the leader of my Fury Company you know.”

 

“You are incredibly skilled in combat but socially, you’re incredibly inept. Karma’s room is on the third floor. You’ll know it when you see it.”

 

* * *

 

Okay, this _had_ to be Karma’s room. The doorway was decorated with jade designs and was located at the end of the hallway. She pressed her ear against the ornate door.

 

“I hate her, I hate her so much! Stupid, sexy Riven!”

 

“Shh, it’s okay, Irelia. I’m sure she likes you back.”

 

Well, Irelia was there, sobbing to Karma about her girl problems.

 

Did she really think Riven was sexy?

 

No, focus. Now was not the time. She knocked and waited for a response.

 

Karma responded. “I’m a little busy, so if you could just come back at another time—”

 

“It’s Riven,” she interrupted. “I need to speak with Irelia.”

 

A silence ensued. After what seemed like years later, the door cracked open slightly to reveal Karma.

 

Riven arched her neck in an attempt to look for Irelia. “Can I uh, come in?”

 

“Not at the moment,” Karma replied, her voice forcibly neutral. Still, Riven couldn’t help but feel a slight hostility being directed at the exile.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because Irelia doesn’t want to see you in her current state. Come back later please.”

 

“No, it’s fine, Karma. Let her in. I’ve been avoiding the inevitable for far too long,” she heard Irelia say, sounding absolutely miserable.

 

Karma stepped aside to let Riven in, revealing a heartbroken Irelia with wet cheeks. She stared at the exile miserably through the doorway.

 

Riven stepped inside hesitantly, a little anxious under Irelia’s stare.

 

“So? Come to reject my feelings?” Irelia asked bitterly, clearly expecting the worst.

 

This caught Riven off guard. “What? No!” How could anyone reject someone so perfect?

 

Well, Lee Sin did, but he’s blind so he doesn’t count.

 

Irelia’s eyes widened and her pink bottom lip started quivering ever so slightly. “You… you like me back?” Irelia asked in a hopeful tone.

 

Riven nodded. “Of course I do.”

 

“Oh, Riven!” Irelia called out while tackling her in a tight embrace. “You stupid, stupid Noxian,” she suddenly growled.

 

“Wha—”

 

Irelia’s hands found themselves wrapped around her throat and squeezed hard enough to cause trouble breathing.

 

“Don’t you _ever_ make me feel so unloved again,” Irelia whispered with barely restrained anger.

 

“Ire-Irelia,” she weakly stammered. “Can’t… breathe…”

 

The captain’s hands began to shake violently. She suddenly burst out crying once again before she Irelia quickly pressed her lips against Riven’s, her grasp on the exile’s neck slowly relinquishing. Riven was confused, but leaned into the kiss anyway. She’d been waiting for this moment for so long and although this wasn’t how she pictured her first kiss, she was content.

 

Through the kiss, Riven could feel Irelia’s _need_ to feel the exile against her, the way she desperately held onto the other like she was afraid of losing her, like this was all just a dream that could slip away at any moment.

 

How foolish of her. Riven wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

 

Karma coughed awkwardly, causing the two to part from each other in shock, forgetting they had an audience. “I’ll just be going then,” she said, pointing at the door behind her with her thumb.

 

And she did.

 

Now that they were alone, they were still a little too embarrassed to do anything besides stare at the door, which suddenly swung open once again seconds later to reveal the duchess.

 

“This is my room,” Karma deadpanned. “I have things to prepare for, so if you two could be the ones leaving, that’d be great.”

 

* * *

 

“So…”

 

“What would you like to do today?” Irelia asked, twirling a silky lock of hair with her finger. Riven, for some reason, found this action extremely attractive. Irelia had _really_ long and slender fingers.

 

She blushed a little involuntarily. “Maybe we could spend the day at the festival again? I had a lot of fun last time,” Riven admitted with a small smile.

 

“Sounds good,” Irelia commented, sounding somewhat disinterested all of a sudden.

 

Was something wrong?

 

“Riven,” Irelia called out. “Before we go, can you promise me something?”

 

“Depends on what you’re asking me. What’s up?” she asked, a little nervous.

 

“Can you promise to keep this— _us_ —a secret?” Irelia finally said after a long pause.

 

“Why?” Riven asked.

 

“Well, because I’m Captain of the Guard,” Irelia stated, like that explanation was clear as day.

 

Riven still didn’t understand. “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“You’re a Noxian.”

 

Riven blinked. Well, _yeah_ , she was a Noxian. It was like Irelia just said that water made things wet. “And?”

 

Irelia groaned, frustrated with the exile. “Honestly, Riven, I love you but you’re honestly so _dense_ sometimes.”

 

Riven stayed quiet, feeling a little guilty for being so frustrating to deal with, contemplating. Was she really that bad at socializing?

 

Irelia sighed. “Sorry, it’s just that you… never mind. It’s going to make me look bad, dating a former Noxian commander as an Ionian Elder. It could jeopardize my position as Captain. Please, just do this for me?” Irelia begged.

 

Riven sighed. “Fine. Anything for you.”

 

* * *

 

It was the morning after their second day of the festival, and Riven couldn’t be more nervous.

 

Today was the meeting between the Ionian Elders. Irelia had reluctantly agreed to bring the exile with her, having forgotten to ask Karma about it beforehand.

 

“Are you ready?” Irelia asked.

 

Riven nodded, a lie.

 

Nothing could prepare her for what was to come.

 

* * *

 

“Irelia? What is the meaning of this?”

 

Irelia stood confidently, although Riven could tell she was worried by looking at her eyes. “I would like to allow Riven to join us for this meeting.”

 

Karma studied Riven, her face a neutral mask, her eyes betraying no emotion or thoughts the duchess had in her mind. “Why?” she asked simply, a small tone of curiosity present in her voice.

 

“I… Because…” Irelia stammered and hesitated, not quite sure as to why she had agreed to Riven’s request.

 

Riven stepped forward to save Irelia from the embarrassment. “I have something important to tell you and all of Ionia.” She could tell she’d captured their interests now.

 

She took a deep breath. It was too late to back out now.

 

“Yasuo’s not the killer.

 

“I am.”


	23. Consequences

“Riven, you are being tried today for various counts of terrorism against the Ionian state. Charges against you are listed as follows: leading the Noxian invasion on Ionia, holding innocent civilians as hostages after destroying their homes and villages, and the murder of countless people, including an Ionian Elder.

 

“Are you aware of the fact that your status as a League champion does not grant you immunity from punishment for capital offenses here?” Karma asked, looking up from a paper—most likely a list—and shifting her gaze to the exile.

 

Riven’s throat felt dry, and she gulped nervously. “Yes, I’m aware.” She’d expected the other charges to have come up since she wasn’t particularly innocent, but having them all listed out aloud made her uncomfortable.

 

Karma frowned. “Normally, we would sentence you to a lifetime in our prisons for your actions without trial, but we will discuss other possible punishments at the request of the Captain. Until we have decided on the most appropriate action to take in regards to your punishment, you are to be held in a prison cell temporarily. Do you understand this?”

 

She nodded, surprised that Irelia would request something better on her behalf. “What about Yasuo?”

 

The duchess raised an eyebrow at her. “What about him?”

 

“Will Ionia forgive him? He’s not guilty for the Elder’s murder.”

 

Karma’s brow furrowed. “Not directly, but he played a part in it. He was assigned to guard the Elder but he disobeyed his orders. He has also killed his fellow Ionians in cold blood, including his own brother, and must be take accountability for his actions.”

 

“But it was in self-defense!” Riven argued fiercely. Surely they would understand that he had no other choice other than to die. It was likely he would have tried to reason with his own kinsmen before resorting to violence, but unlikely for them to have listened.

 

“Regardless, he will be tried, though his punishment will be significantly less severe thanks to you, and that’s all I will say on the matter for now,” Karma stated with a tone of finality.

 

A sigh of relief left Riven’s lips. At least she’s done something redeeming for him and as a result, herself.

 

“I must ask, why does a Noxian like yourself care so much about the fate of an Ionian?” asked one curious Ionian Elder. “Forgive me for saying this, but it is not like a Noxian to care about others, especially not outside of their own nationality.”

 

“It’s true that most Noxians are xenophobic by nature, but Riven is not most Noxians,” Irelia interjected. Riven turned to her with more shock, almost forgetting that the other warrior was still there with her. Why was Irelia was still defending her after the revelation that she was the one who was guilty?

 

“Interesting claim. Captain, if I’m not mistaken, you’ve become rather close friends with the Noxian, have you not?”

 

“Yes,” she stated, confident as ever, nodding in affirmation. “We became friends at the request of the Starchild. She was the one that originally saw some sort of potential for a… well, a relationship,” Irelia said a little more hesitantly, a blush on her face, unable to make eye contact with anyone.

 

“I see. And is this relationship—”

 

Karma cut the other Elder off, much to Riven and Irelia’s visible relief. “I believe it is not any of our businesses to pry into the captain’s private life as well as the prisoner’s. Let’s refrain from asking any personal questions, if we have any more to ask the exile?” She looked around at the others expectantly.

 

She was met with silence.

 

“Very well then,” she concluded. “This meeting is adjourned. Riven, please follow the captain to your temporary holding cell.”

 

* * *

 

“This is nice,” Riven commented, looking around at her surroundings.

 

“That’s the first time I’ve heard someone say that about this place, considering the fact that it’s a jail cell,” Irelia mused, smirking at Riven amusedly through the bars.

 

“This is much nicer than the prisons in Noxus,” Riven clarified. “I’m used to those.”

 

Irelia raised a questioning eyebrow at the exile. “Were you a criminal in Noxus as well?” she asked, obviously jesting.

  
“Oh, no. I used to be in charge of one once as the commander of my Fury Company. We had to deal with prisoners sometimes,” Riven explained, leaning on the wall until she was sitting on the floor.

 

“I should have figured. Tell me more about Noxus,” Irelia requested politely, sitting down beside the exile. Well, she would have, were there not bars in between the two.

 

Riven pursed her lips in thought. “Why?”

  
  
“You want to pass the time while you await your judgment, don’t you? This is a way to satisfy my curiosity and our mutual boredom.”

 

“Well, yeah, but why do you still want to talk to me? I killed the Elder.”

 

Irelia frowned. “You’ve murdered a lot of my kinsmen, but I still chose to be friends with you, did I not?”

 

Riven scoffed. “You make it sound like it was a bad choice on your part, being friends with me.” And a part of her was afraid of that, afraid that Irelia would realize that their friendship was all a mistake.

 

“And perhaps it is,” Irelia said, and Riven’s heart sunk in her chest. “But still, I do not regret my choice.”

 

That made Riven feel a little better, but—

 

“Technically it was Soraka’s choice,” she pointed out.

 

Irelia simply rolled her eyes and smiled, electing to ignore Riven’s little comment. “Whatever, smartass. You killed the Elder before I met you, and that changes nothing now. I will not simply brush off the other victims and their deaths because they aren’t high-ranking in society,” Irelia stated firmly, facial expression growing serious again. “The life of an Ionian Elder is not worth more than the life of anyone else. I refuse to discriminate against anyone anymore.”

 

“You don’t discriminate against murderers either apparently,” Riven said with a frown. She didn’t deserve to be friends with Irelia, not when she was the reason so many Ionians were dead.

 

“Sometimes I wonder if you forget you aren’t the only one whose hands are stained red,” Irelia said softly, looking down at her own shaking hands. “I’ve killed just as much as you, Riven, and you would do well to remember that.”

 

Irelia’s hands balled up into shaky fists. “I do not feel regret nor remorse anymore like I used to before.” She hugged herself, holding her legs close to her body. “I didn’t feel anything besides dulled anger for so long, and then I met you.”

 

She looked up at the exile, her eyes growing watery. “I  _ hated _ you at first. I hated you so  _ much _ . I hated everything you were and everything you represented without getting to know you first. But then I was forced to be your friend, and I realized my mistake. It wasn’t very Ionian of me to hold a grudge like that, no matter how badly I’ve been wronged. It wasn’t like me at all, to be that angry.

 

“The only other person I know of whose intensity of hate for Noxians rivaled my own is Varus, and he’s been corrupted. What does that make me after the battle?” Irelia asked, a lone tear running down her cheek.

 

“You’re not—”

 

“But I  **_am_ ** ,” Irelia interrupted, her voice cracking with unbridled emotion, arms gesturing downwards dramatically. Riven fell silent immediately, never having seen her look this distraught. “Whatever you were going to say would have been wrong. I’ve been afflicted with Noxian necromancy, Riven, don’t forget that either. I’m not  _ me _ anymore, Riven, I’m not Irelia and you’ve never known the real her. Irelia’s been  _ dead _ for years now. All she was and was going to be doesn’t matter anymore now that I’m here to replace her. All I am is an empty husk, a shadow of who she used to be and I hate it so  _ much _ .”

 

Riven was at a loss for words. She was never particularly gifted with the art of speech and she was no stranger to indescribable situations, but this was beyond anything she’s ever faced before. Never has she ever had to console someone literally mourning their own person. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to do?

 

After a moment of pause, she reached out through the gap and held onto the other’s quivering hand, squeezing it tightly when Irelia began to sob into her knees.

 

In that moment, she just  _ knew _ .

 

Riven would be there for  _ her _ Irelia, even when the old Irelia wasn’t completely there anymore.

 

Because to Riven, that Irelia didn’t matter anymore. This one did, and this one was her whole world.

 

* * *

 

“Well?” Irelia asked expectantly, standing up straight when Karma entered the room. Riven followed suit.

 

“I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear that after considerable judgment, we’ve decided on a rather light punishment,” Karma said with a smile.

 

“Well, what is it?” Riven inquired anxiously.

 

“Eight hundred and eighty eight hours of community service in Ionia per year for the rest of your life. Failure to meet these conditions will result in being banned from Ionian territory permanently with no second chances.”

 

“What’s with that number? Why so many eights?” Riven inquired curiously.

 

“It’s a lucky number,” Irelia explained. “Ionian people are very superstitious, and we hope that this auspicious number will help influence our prisoners to grow from helping others.”   
  
“Okay, but that’s it?” Riven asked, blinking incredulously. How strange it was compared to Noxian punishments. Riven was not used to such light sentences (by that, she means being sentenced to community service for genocide), and could barely comprehend what she just heard. She was expecting to be jailed for a lifetime like Karma had mentioned earlier, if she wasn’t outright killed.

 

“Yes, that’s it,” Karma replied, nodding with a smile. She clasped her hands together cheerfully before moving back to the door. “I’ll let you two lovebirds celebrate this revelation alone then. Feel free to leave whenever you two please,” she teased with a wink before quickly leaving behind a confused Riven and embarrassed Irelia.

 

“That’s it?” she repeated to Irelia as the latter opened up the cell door, still in an unbelieving state.

 

“I must admit, that is a rather lenient punishment. That’s a lot of hours though. Lucky for you, I do community service in my free time so you can just tag along,” Irelia commented, relief showing in her tone. “I’m not too surprised though.”

 

“Why not? I’m really surprised,” Riven said.

 

“Well, that’s because you’re unfamiliar with how Ionian justice works. We don’t have death sentences, unlike Noxus. The most severe punishment we have here is a lifetime in jail or exile, and those are rarely given out. Plus, they… they know,” Irelia said with a pink blush on her cheeks and ears.

 

Riven made a face. “Know what?”

 

“About us.”

 

She blinked, her expression neutralizing. “Oh.”

 

Irelia bit her lip. “It’s… We’re quite obvious, aren’t we?”

 

“Just a little bit, yeah,” Riven answered. Apparently everyone knew about the two liking each other before they did themselves.

 

Irelia buried her face in her hands and groaned loudly. “This would be such a scandal if the public found out.”

 

“I’m sure most people have got better things to do than gossip about League champions,” Riven said. “Actually, now that I say that, I don’t quite believe myself anymore.”

 

Though her face was mostly covered by her hands, Riven could tell that Irelia’s frown had deepened. “Not. Helping,” she grunted.

 

Riven frowned herself, thinking, before quickly smirking impishly. “I know how to make you feel better.”

 

“What—” Irelia was cut off with a quick kiss on the lips. She blushed furiously and looked away from Riven, who was smiling like an idiot.

 

“You’re really cute, you know that?” Riven cooed, snuggling up against the colder body of the captain. The temperature difference didn’t faze her though; her love for Irelia was warming her up enough to ignore it.

 

“S-shut up,” Irelia murmured. “I should be saying that to you.”

 

“Then why don’t you?” Riven teased. “I’m all ears.”

 

Irelia paused for a moment before smiling coyly at Riven. “Actually, I have a better idea. Why don’t I  _ show _ you?” she suggested.

 

“What?” Riven asked. She was too caught off guard by Irelia’s sudden change in demeanor. “What do you mean by that?”

 

Irelia only winked in response. “Shut up and follow me.”


	24. Passion

“What’s this all about?” Riven asked, half-heartedly jogging after Irelia, who seemed to always be one step ahead of her.

 

“You’ll see,” is all that came out of Irelia’s mouth.

 

Riven remained silent. She could be patient. She could wait.

 

Irelia, not long after, for it was a short distance, had led her back to the traditional hotel room she was staying at. She gestured for Riven to unlock the door, to which she did. Riven even held the door open for Irelia, which prompted a small grateful smile from the captain.

 

“Now what?” Riven asked, closing the door behind them.

 

Irelia frowned. “Lock the door.”

 

A suspicious request, but Riven obliged nonetheless. She trusted her, and did it without further question.

 

Irelia smiled at this and sauntered up to Riven’s side, moving to whisper in her ear.

 

“I’m going to show you just how cute you really are,” Irelia purred. “On the bed,  _ now _ .”

  
“Oh?” Riven responded, her interest piqued. She obliged to Irelia’s request—no,  _ demand _ —and sat down on middle of the bed. “I think I’m going to enjoy this,” she replied with a smirk as Irelia seated herself over Riven’s legs.

 

Riven leaned forward to kiss Irelia, deciding to take initiative, only to be roughly pushed down and pinned to the bed by her wrists. Luckily, she didn’t hit her head on the bed frame and instead landed on a soft pillow. She struggled to free herself half-heartedly, but Irelia kept her grip steady and her eyes fixed onto Riven’s.

 

The hungry way Irelia looked at her made Riven suddenly aware of the fact that she was straddled on top of her. A sudden flash of heat went through Riven’s body but for some reason, she shivered.

 

Irelia leaned down and locked their lips together forcefully. She might’ve smashed her nose into Riven’s in the process, but that wasn’t enough to stop the two from enjoying the kiss.

 

After a few seconds, Irelia moved away from her.

 

“W-wait,” Irelia murmured. “Is it okay if—” she paused hesitantly.

 

“If?” Riven repeated, pressing her to continue her question.

 

“If… we take it further?”

 

Further?

 

Riven blinked.

 

…

 

Ohhh.

 

Though her ears and cheeks grew pink, she still managed to smirk devilishly at her lover. “Yes, definitely.”

 

Irelia matched her grin. “Good. I’ve been waiting for this for far too long.”

 

The two resumed their kiss, gentler than before. It was less needy in nature, though their thirst for one another only grew stronger.

 

Irelia pulled away and feverishly planted kisses along the length of Riven’s neck, her breath and lips hot on the exile’s skin. Riven repressed a few moans, but let one out when Irelia bit down on her skin and started sucking on her neck.

 

After marking her territory on Riven’s upper body a multitude of times, she stopped. Irelia simply tossed her hair over her shoulders and looked down at Riven’s covered chest.

 

“Your bandages. Should I—?” Irelia trailed off, unsure.

 

Riven nodded, her mouth dry. “You can, if you want.”

 

Irelia began to unwrap Riven’s bandages carefully and slowly, managing to contain her excitement at seeing her girlfriend’s breasts for the first time and—

 

Her eyes flashed with some sort of emotion. Shock? Disappointment? Whatever it was, it made Riven’s heart sink.

 

Riven’s chest used to be, well, not like this. Nasty red scars covered nearly the entirety of her chest. Painful burns from poisonous chemicals used in the battle she will never forget, both physically and mentally scarring her permanently.

 

She felt herself shying away from Irelia. No one but her’s ever seen these scars, how bad they really were. No one’s ever had to judge her body before in a sexual sense, not until now.

Irelia’s hands gently caressed the shape of Riven’s breasts and sensing the doubt that plagued her lover’s mind, spoke.

 

“You’re beautiful,” whispered Irelia, before she quickly kissed Riven on the lips. “And you’re all  _ mine _ ,” she growled, pinching Riven’s nipples,  _ hard _ . When Riven inhaled sharply and bit down on her lip, Irelia continued with her ministrations for the Noxian’s breasts more gently, but she was still rough enough to establish her dominance in the situation.

 

That was fine. Riven didn’t mind a little pain, or being on the submissive side. Pain just made her stronger or in this case, her nipples harder.

 

Much, much harder. Riven’s nipples could cut through rock at this point because of how turned on she was right now.

 

Irelia, seemingly pleased with the results of her caresses, moved to kiss Riven’s scarred chest, over and over again. Her lips left a tingling sensation on Riven’s skin, but it wasn’t necessarily an unpleasant feeling.

 

Riven ran her hands through Irelia’s inky hair as the Ionian paid special attention to her nipples, sucking on one while tweaking the other with her long and slender fingers.

 

Riven’s never paid much attention to other people’s hands, but something about Irelia’s right now made her feel extremely turned on.

 

Irelia then moved to kiss Riven on her lips.

 

Her lower lips, that is.

 

Riven suppressed a sharp gasp. As expected, this feeling was nothing like touching herself to relieve stress. It was infinitely better, just because it was Irelia down there instead of her right hand.

 

Irelia put an experimental finger inside to see how Riven would react, then she slid in another shortly afterwards.

 

Riven moaned loudly.

 

Irelia’s fingers delved deep into her, and not long after came her tongue pressing against her folds.

 

Riven could feel herself getting wetter and wetter with each movement made by Irelia. She could also feel herself getting closer to her climax by the second.

 

“Fuck. Irelia, I’m close…” she moaned, her breathing deep and heavy.

 

Irelia responded to this nonverbally by pumping her fingers harder and faster into Riven. Her tongue flickered across the Noxian’s clitoris and her mouth closed around it, sucking on it  _ hard _ .

 

Not long after, a feeling of pure bliss spread across Riven’s body, her toes curling and hips grinding against Irelia’s face and fingers.

 

After the best few seconds of her life, she wasted no time before turning over to Irelia. Time to repay the favor.

 

“Now it’s my turn,” Riven said with a wicked grin, flipping their positions so that she was on top now.

 

“Ooh, taking charge, I see,” Irelia teased before whispering sultrily in Riven’s ear. “I like it.”

 

She shuddered, getting goosebumps on her arms.

 

Well, no time to waste. She was excited,  _ real _ excited.

 

Riven tried to take off Irelia’s armor, but failed to do so. It was on really securely, and Riven was never one to wear this type of protective gear in battle. She was at a loss for what to do.

 

“Hold on,” Irelia said, saving Riven from further embarrassment. “I’ll do this.”

 

Riven simply nodded and moved away so that Irelia could take off her armor.

 

Irelia began to strip in what was the exact opposite of a practiced motion. It was awkward, sloppy, her fingers fumbling with the various clasps and attachments she had on. It was clear she almost never took it off, and Riven couldn’t help but wonder—

 

“Do you ever take your armor off, or do you shower with it on?” Riven joked.

 

Irelia frowned a little bit. “I don’t need to shower. I don’t sweat, not even during battle, but I was hoping you would change that when you’re done with me.”

 

Riven opened her mouth to ask her to further clarify what the hell she meant by that when understanding dawned on her.

 

Right. They were having sex. People need to shower after sex because sex was very  _ dirty _ and very sweaty.

 

Well, most people need to shower everyday anyway. Irelia though…

 

Riven gulped a little, her excitement replaced with worry. She was still confused about how Irelia’s body functioned, and wasn’t even sure if she could make Irelia wet. She didn’t need to eat or drink to survive nor did she need to blink. She doesn’t even sweat during fights, so what bodily functions of hers still worked? Hopefully it wouldn’t be too obvious that Riven had no idea what she was doing since that wouldn’t help with the problem at hand. After all, before today, she was a complete virgin. Masturbating didn’t count as sex, and Riven’s never been with another woman before. Maybe the same things that worked for her would work on Irelia.

 

Her lover, now fully naked and once again picking up on Riven’s uneasiness, spoke.

 

“Don’t worry,” she reassured. “This is my first time too. I’ve never even touched myself before, so I’m really looking forward to this.”

 

“You seem to know what you’re doing though,” Riven said, surprised that Irelia was also a virgin.

 

“I may have done some research…”

 

“Research?” Riven asked, confused. You could research sex beforehand?

 

“I’ve read porn once not that long ago. I was curious as to what it was like,” she admitted, blushing all the way down to her chest.

 

Her very, very visible chest.

 

Riven, equally nude, matched her blush as her gaze drifted downwards. Well, that confession certainly didn’t help with the question of whether Irelia could physically get turned on or not.

 

Unfortunately for Riven, it took some time for her to comprehend what Irelia just said because Irelia’s breasts were in her full view now.

 

Very unfortunate indeed.

 

Irelia cocked a questioning brow at her. “Riven, my eyes are up here.” Barely unconstrained amusement flowed through Irelia’s normally serious voice.

 

So they were, but her breasts were down there. And lower—

 

“Sorry,” she apologized, looking back up at the Ionian woman’s blushing face. How cute (though Riven was probably equally as red-faced). “So, uh, can you get wet?” Riven wondered aloud, her mind finally clear of distractions. Now that she could focus, she determined that it would better to voice her concerns now rather than to hide them. Soraka had taught her about the importance of trust and expressing feelings in a relationship when they had first become friends. Riven assumed that was equally as important in romantic relationships as well as platonic ones.

 

“I… I don’t know. I don’t think I got wet when I was doing ‘research’, but I didn’t try touching myself,” Irelia admitted sheepishly. “I’m glad that I get to save my first orgasm for you now, but I honestly don’t know if I can even achieve it.”   
  
Irelia’s hands balled up into fists. “But… we’ll find out together, won’t we?” she asked hopefully. Riven, although she had poor social skills, could tell that Irelia was afraid she would reject her because of this revelation that she might not be able to have proper sex with Riven.

 

What a foolish girl. Riven could think of no one better to share her first time with, no matter how awkward it might turn out to be.

 

“We will,” Riven replied with a small smile, moving her hand on Irelia’s and intertwining their fingers together. “We’ll get through this together.”

 

“Good,” Irelia said, relief evident in her tone and expression. Irelia flashed Riven a sly look, her bravado returning. “So? What’re you waiting for?” she asked, laying down and presenting herself to Riven. “Take me already,” Irelia demanded with a smirk.

 

Riven was more than happy to oblige. 

 

She tried to emulate what Irelia was doing earlier, though she did it with much less confidence than the Ionian captain. She pinched Irelia’s soft nipples and kissed her breasts and collarbones feverishly, as if her life depended on foreplay.

 

Irelia stayed somewhat silent throughout it all. She didn’t breathe like usual, and her face was showing a sort of discomfort with this whole ordeal.

 

It was honestly kind of awkward. It was expected for their first time, but it didn’t make it feel any better.

 

Riven was beginning to panic but noted that Irelia’s nipples were hardening, a good sign that Irelia’s body still reacted to physical arousal.

 

Now for the fun part…

 

Riven moved down to Irelia’s lower lips, disappointed when she saw that Irelia was still, well,  _ dry _ . It was nothing like how Riven was after Irelia was done with her foreplay, and that made her worry a little bit.

 

“Try touching me?” Irelia suggested, sounding unsure for once in her life.

 

Riven rubbed at Irelia’s clit gently, and Irelia fidgeted around uncomfortably. Only after a few more minutes of rubbing did she start to show any signs of enjoyment and excitement. Slowly but surely, Irelia’s cunt was lubricating itself. Riven stuck a finger inside, and then another.

 

Pleasure was evident on Irelia’s face, which brought Riven great relief, and motivated her to further increase the amount Irelia was feeling.

 

She leaned down and licked at Irelia’s opening experimentally. It… tasted weird, but not particularly gross enough for her to stop what she was doing.

 

Not that Riven had any intentions of stopping anyway.

 

Her fingers pumped into Irelia repeatedly, and Riven kept moving her tongue messily all around Irelia’s cunt. She continued this for what felt like forever until Irelia finally said something between her lustful moans.

 

“R-Riven,” she called out, her voice wavering. “I-I’m—”

 

She took this as a sign to increase her efforts until finally—

 

Irelia’s arms and legs wrapped themselves around Riven tightly, and she cried out in ecstasy as she came.

 

A few seconds later, she released her hold on Riven. The exile fell onto the bed beside Irelia, who was still recovering from her orgasm.

 

Her arms were ridiculously sore and her mouth was tired, but it was fucking worth it. Especially when she saw the look of pure bliss on Irelia’s face.

 

Riven felt the need to say something afterwards. She licked her lips, still glossy with Irelia’s love juices, before speaking.

 

She propped herself up and turned to her lover. “Irelia, I—”

 

The Ionian just smiled and gently shushed her with a musty finger on her lips.

 

“I love you too.”


	25. Nostalgia

Riven woke up, yawning as she made her way to the bathroom. Irelia was up apparently, and she didn’t want to keep her waiting. After all, the Ionian had said she had important plans for today.

 

Riven yawned once more and splashed some water on her face. She looked up and  _ holyshitwhatthefuckwaswrongwithherskin _ —

 

“Nice hickeys,” Irelia snorted as she entered the bathroom, a sly smirk on her lips. She took out a hairbrush from one of the drawers and began to comb through her hair.

 

“No nightmares?” she asked, turning towards Riven.

 

She shook her head slowly, self-conscious about the marks on her neck. “Nope.”

 

Irelia smiled bittersweetly. “That’s good. Wish I could say the same for me.”

 

Right, Riven wasn’t the only one that suffered from night terrors. But…

 

“How do you have nightmares if you don’t sleep?” Riven asked curiously.

 

Irelia shrugged. “It’s hard to explain. I meditate throughout the night usually, pretend I’m sleeping,” she began, “You don’t have to sit down on the ground and hum mantras to meditate. Anything you do can be meditation, as long as you focus hard enough. I meditate, but it’s not enough sometimes. Sometimes, it’s hard to block out the memories that creep in during the nighttime when you’re all alone with your thoughts.”

 

Irelia frowned, and Riven found herself moving in to hug her. Irelia seemed a little surprised at her action, but smiled at her appreciatively.

 

“Thank you, Riven. You mean a lot to me,” she said with a small smile. “But we don’t have anymore time for this; hurry up.” She patted Riven’s cheek softly to emphasize her point.

 

Riven nodded and began to brush her teeth as Irelia left the room.

 

After Riven was finished up in the bathroom, the Ionian roughly shoved a piece of fabric into Riven’s arms as she entered the bedroom.

 

“Here, wear this scarf. We don’t need you out in public looking like you got strangled or something. Remember, this is our little secret.” A light tap on the nose and a pleased grin from the captain.

 

Riven felt her cheeks turn as dark as the marks on her skin.

 

Right, a secret.

 

* * *

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“You’ll see.”

 

Riven rolled her eyes. Did Irelia have to always be so secretive? Sure, it was cute and flirty, but it was also a little annoying not knowing where she was going half the time she was here.

 

Still, Riven didn’t complain. Not aloud, anyway.

 

The silence was a little too stiff though, and Riven suddenly remembered that Irelia was known to be among one of the youngest champions in the League (well, besides Annie and Nunu obviously).

 

A sense of dread crept over her.

 

“Hey, Irelia?” Riven called out.

 

Irelia didn’t bother turning her head back to look at Riven. “Yes?”   
  
“How old are you?”

 

Irelia paused. “That… is a difficult question for me to answer. I do not age anymore physically. Do you want my actual age or the age my body is stuck at?”

  
  
Right, she should have expected that. “Uh, both?” she asked nervously.

 

“Physically, I am nineteen. That was my age when Soraka anchored my soul to my father’s weapon at the Great Stand of the Placidium. I’ve been alive for twenty four years though, but haven’t aged a day since then.”

 

Riven breathed a sigh of relief. So Irelia wasn’t considered underage anywhere either way, thank the gods.

 

“So what about you?” Irelia asked curiously. “I don’t know your age either.”

 

It took Riven a while to remember how old she was.

 

“Twenty eight,” she answered.

 

“That means we’re four years apart then, at least in age. Not bad,” Irelia noted, but Riven’s mind was focused on other matters now.

 

Why was Irelia bringing her to a graveyard?

 

Another feeling of unease washed over her.

 

The two walked past countless graves in silence. A few minutes later, Irelia stopped in front of a large tombstone, one notably more grand than the others around it. Beside it were two empty spots, big enough for one grave on each side of it. On it were the words “MASTER LITO” etched into the stone.

 

Master Lito? Riven’s heard of that name before. He was some sort of famous Ionian swordsman if she wasn’t mistaken. Did that mean—

 

“Father, this is Riven.” Irelia gestured to the Noxian, who was at a loss for what to do, so she waved at the grave hesitantly.

 

A pause. Did Irelia expect her to say something? The way her eyes watched her suggested that to be the case.

 

“Hello, sir. It’s, um, nice to meet you,” she began.

 

Another pause. Another expectant look from Irelia.

 

“I’m, uh, dating your daughter,” Riven said awkwardly. God, this was weird. “I hope that’s okay.”

 

Irelia’s hand reached for hers, and their fingers intertwined. The Ionian smiled at her. “I think he would approve. I certainly do.”

 

Riven smiled back at her. This might have been strange but if it brought peace to Irelia’s mind, it was worth it.

 

Irelia then turned her attention to the empty spots beside her father’s grave.

 

She gestured to one side. “I’m supposed to be buried there when my time comes, if it ever does. Most people in Ionia still don’t know about my immortality, just in case it causes a panic about me being corrupted by outside magics. No one wants to know that their war hero was cursed with Noxian necromancy.”

 

“But they’ll find out eventually,” Riven said.

 

“Eventually,” Irelia repeated.

 

Another moment of silence passed by.

 

“What will you do then?” Riven asked, worried for Irelia.

 

“I’m not sure. We’ve discussed this plenty of times, and our hope is just for me to try to live a life as normal as possible before the public ultimately finds out. Maybe then they won’t see me as being corrupted if I continue to serve Ionia and they see that I haven’t changed my loyalties because of it.”

 

Riven nodded, though she was still curious as to why there was another empty spot near the grave.

 

“Who’s going to be buried there?” Riven pointed to the other one by Master Lito’s grave.

 

Irelia’s lips downturned. “My brother, Zelos.”

 

Riven blinked in surprise. “You have a brother?”

 

“I do,” Irelia said with a solemn nod. “He…” Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. “He was supposed to go to Demacia in search of assistance before the war, but he never came back.”

 

Irelia shifted uncomfortably. “They want to have a funeral for him, but I refuse to let them do it. I refuse to believe he’s dead. He’s still out there, somewhere, I can just  _ feel _ it.

 

“Please, if you ever find any signs that point to him still being alive, let me know,” Irelia begged.

 

“I will,” she promised, though the chances he was still alive were extremely low. If he’s been missing for five years, she doubted the possibility that he would finally show up again after all this time.

 

Irelia seemed grateful though, and Riven seemed to bring her relief. “Thank you,” she said. “I wish you could have met the both of them, but this will have to do for now. At least there’s a chance you’ll be able to meet Zelos.”

 

Riven nodded, staying silent.

  
A chance was still a chance, no matter how small, and Riven wasn’t going to be the one to crush her hopes.

 

Only Zelos could do that now.

 

* * *

 

“Well, here we are. Welcome to my home,” Irelia announced. “It’s not much, but it’s mine. As per tradition, take off your shoes before coming inside,” she instructed, just in case Riven forgot.

 

Riven did as she was told, kicking her shoes off and leaving them outside. She stepped inside, the aged, wood flooring cold beneath her bare feet.

 

“Just sit in the living room for now. I’ll get some some tea and food ready first,” she said, and left Riven alone as she went to the kitchen area.

 

Riven entered what she assumed was the living room and sat down on a cushion near a low table. The tatami mats shifted slightly as she walked across them, though they were still able to support her weight.

 

Irelia came back not long after holding a tray of various Ionian snacks, setting them down on the short table.

  
Riven took full advantage of Irelia leaning down to stare at her girlfriend’s breasts.

 

“What do you think?” Irelia asked, “Of my house, I mean,” she clarified.

 

“It’s nice,” Riven commented, not quite thinking about the house. “It’s very, uh, traditional,” she said, a little more focused now that Irelia was sitting down across from her and not bending over.

 

Irelia nodded. “It is. I try to take good care of it while I’m here, which isn’t too often. I could hardly find time to come home when I wasn’t in the League and now, time I spend here is even scarcer.”

 

She sighed. “It can’t be helped, but I suppose I’m content with it. Perhaps a little moreso now that I’m with you,” she said, reaching out for Riven’s hand. She smiled sweetly, her thumb comfortingly running over the exile’s hand repeatedly.

 

Riven smiled back at her.

 

“I feel the same way,” she said. “I might not be content with the state of Noxus right now but when I’m with you, I almost forget about it.”

 

“Almost,” Irelia repeated, sounding displeased.

 

Riven nodded, oblivious to Irelia’s vexation. “Noxus is my home, and it’s always on my mind.”

 

“Oh.” Irelia made an uncomfortable face at her.

 

Riven looked at Irelia strangely. “What?”

 

“Nothing. I just thought you would at least forget about all of the political discourse while we had sex,” Irelia deadpanned.

 

Riven opened her mouth, stuttering on her words. “I-it’s not like that. I don’t get off to politics, I swear.”

 

“Sure you don’t,” Irelia said dismissively, holding up a hand and examining her immaculate nails. Riven couldn’t help but have her mind wander at the action; Irelia had such long and slender fingers…

 

Her train of thought was interrupted by a growing screech, and her mind went into overdrive. She knew it was just from the teapot, but something in her head told her otherwise. Strangled screams of those long gone played over and over again in her head. She pressed her shaking hands against her ears tightly, but to no avail. The noise continued even after Irelia returned with tea, the room silent from all but her ragged breaths.

 

Irelia reached a hand out to her carefully, and Riven jerked away from it.

 

Irelia retracted her arm, a hurt look on her face.

 

Riven waited for what felt like an eternity, tears streaming down her face, until the screams faded away. And then, just like that, it was all over.

 

For now, at least.

 

Riven broke down sobbing, her hands moving from the sides of her head to wipe away her tears. Irelia hesitantly reached out for Riven once more, and she did not pull away this time.

 

She softly shushed Riven’s crying and embracing Riven in her arms, gently ran her fingers through Riven’s hair. It was a soothing motion, but Riven did not stop crying.

 

“I’m sorry,” Riven mumbled, her voice croaking through her lips. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“No, I am. I should have known that sound would be triggering to you,” Irelia whispered. “It’s an unpleasant noise. I shouldn’t have made fresh tea because of it.”

 

“No, no,” Riven protested, weakly shaking her head and pushing herself away from Irelia. “It’s my fault for being so weak, I—”

 

“You are  _ not _ weak, Riven,” Irelia insisted, cutting her off. “You are one of the strongest people I know, and you’ve been through a lot. Do not chastise yourself for being a survivor.”

 

Riven nodded numbly, and although her conscience stubbornly disagreed with what Irelia was telling her, she did not speak. She almost found herself wishing to be back home in Noxus, among her own kind of like-minded people, where she would be reprimanded for crying—showing  _ weakness _ —for that was what she was familiar with; that was what she knew how to deal with.

 

But the keyword was there once again: almost, but not quite.

 

Ever since she left home, she’s been in a constant state of culture shock. Slowly, she was getting used to being comforted in her time of need; slowly, she was beginning to appreciate it more than simply being told to get over it, and she suspected that it was due to the influence of the people she’s been around.

 

These Ionians: Soraka, Ahri,  _ Irelia _ .

 

Perhaps… just maybe…

 

Noxus wasn’t the best thing in life after all.


	26. Return

Fucking  _ finally _ .

 

Although she enjoyed her time in Ionia, she was looking forward to leaving. Sure, she might not be able to spend as much time with Irelia at the Institute, but at least she wouldn’t be stared at as much.

 

Well, hopefully not anyway.

 

“You seem a little tense,” Irelia teased. “Do you want a massage before we leave?” Her hand moved to trace circles on the Noxian’s back.

 

Riven felt her cheeks grow warm at the action. “No, I’m good.”

 

Irelia shrugged playfully, smirking at Riven’s bashfulness. “Suit yourself, but I’m just going to warn you now that you won’t be escaping my touch tonight.”

 

“O-oh,” Riven stammered, caught off guard by her girlfriend’s flirtatious behavior. She didn’t expect Irelia to be such a tease.

 

Irelia giggled before leaning forward and planting a kiss on Riven’s cheek.

 

“You’re so cute, Riven.” Irelia grabbed her hand and Riven couldn’t help but grin stupidly. “Come on you goof, start packing or else we’re going to be late.”

 

* * *

 

Riven couldn’t help but sigh.

 

What was she doing? The answer to that was more complex than the question initially presents itself to be, and was still one she didn’t know.

 

She sighed once more.

 

“What’s wrong, babe?” Irelia asked, looking over her shoulder. “What’s with the sighing?”

 

Riven sighed in response, and Irelia moved to sit by her side.

 

“I… I don’t know. I just feel so… so…” She groaned with irritation. “I don’t know!” she growled out. “I don’t know why I feel this way, whatever this emotion is, but I just  _ do _ .”

 

Irelia leaned down a little, looking up at Riven’s downcast face. She bit down on her lips, thinking.

 

“Is it love?” Irelia asked questioningly.

 

“I don’t know,” Riven replied.

 

The slightest change in Irelia’s expression. “Is it regret?”

 

“I don’t know,” Riven responded once more. “I just wish I didn’t need to deal with all of this; I wish I could just forget.”

 

Irelia sat up straight, simply tucking a loose strand of hair behind Riven’s ear. The two just sat together quietly before Riven suddenly moved in to kiss Irelia.

 

The surprised Ionian’s eyes widened, but her lips did not part in protest. Instead, they were welcoming,  _ hungry _ .

 

The two kissed feverishly, Irelia taking the initiative to push Riven down on the cabin bed they were on.

 

They locked eyes, fingers intertwining with one another.

 

Riven leaned up to Irelia’s ear, her breath hot on the other’s skin.

 

“Make me forget.”

 

* * *

 

“Riven,” Irelia called out in a hushed tone.

 

“Huh?” Riven looked at her uneasy lover. “What is it?”

 

“Talon and Katarina are following us,” Irelia said in a low voice. “They’ve been following us ever since we arrived back at the Institute.”

 

A sharp, feminine laugh pierced the air after Irelia finished her statement. “Well, no point in hiding anymore then if you already know.”

 

Riven turned around and sure enough, Talon and Katarina were behind them. Talon was dressed in his usual gear, but Katarina was just wearing casual clothing. A little too casual, actually. The white V-neck shirt she wore was huge, the neckline plunging far too low and the shapeless fabric hanging from her shoulders to her thighs far too long. If she didn’t see the smallest strip of denim shorts peeking out underneath the hem of the shirt, she’d think Katarina wasn’t wearing anything else.

 

Riven’s heart thumped.

 

Katarina smirked. “Hey Riven, you can stare all you want later, but we need to talk. Now.” The assassin’s expression turned icy as she examined the Ionian standing next to her.

 

“Huh? Why?” Riven asked, looking at her strangely.

 

Katarina grit her teeth but before she could say anything, Talon spoke. “Just come with us,” he said. He wasn’t rude about it nor was he polite.

 

Riven stole a glance at Irelia’s face. Her expression was passive like it usually was, but Riven could obviously tell from her eyes and posture that she was extremely displeased and alarmed. Riven couldn’t blame her; two Noxian assassins trying to steal your girlfriend away from you without explanation wasn’t a very pleasant situation to be in.

 

Riven knew she wasn’t in danger though.

 

“It’s okay, they just want to talk,” Riven said reassuringly. “I’ll be fine.”

 

Irelia nodded, turning back around. She stared at Riven from the corners of her eyes as made her way back to the Ionian quarters.

 

“What do you guys want?” Riven asked when Irelia was finally out of earshot.

 

Katarina scoffed. “That’s no way to greet old friends. I thought you knew better, but I see you’re still a street rat, just like this one over here.” She jerked a thumb in Talon’s direction.

 

“Hey!” he protested.

 

“Shut it. I saw you dig out and eat that cookie from the trash can the other day.”

 

Talon scowled at her. “It was still in the wrapper,” he mumbled.

 

Katarina gave her adopted brother another disgusted look before returning her attention back to Riven. “Anyway, we need to talk about that Ionian girl.”

 

Riven scrunched up her face; she didn’t like the way they referred to her as “that Ionian girl”.

 

“You mean Irelia?” she asked, a little stupidly.

 

“Yeah, her,” Talon interjected. “Why have you been so friendly with her lately?”

 

“Why do you want to know? Is someone jealous?” Riven teased. She knew she shouldn’t and she usually wouldn’t do something like that, but she couldn’t help it this time. Irelia must be rubbing off on her.

 

Talon turned away from her, his face rapidly turning red. “Asshole,” he cursed under his breath.

 

Katarina crossed her arms and glared at Riven. “Don’t make me bring up your old crush on me, Riven. I’m the only person allowed to mess with Talon.”

 

It was Riven’s turn to be embarrassed. “I-I’m over that,” she muttered unconvincingly.

 

“Oh? Is that the case?” Katarina grinned cockily. “Because it didn’t seem that way when you were checking me out a few minutes ago.”

 

Riven coughed dryly. Was it getting hot in here? “Th-that’s not—”

 

Katarina’s laugh cut her off, more annoyed than amused. “Cute, but you’re dodging the question. Why are you with Irelia so often?”

 

Riven frowned. “Why do you want to know? It’s none of your business.”

 

Katarina’s demeanor suddenly turned deadly serious, and she grabbed Riven by the collar of her shirt. “You don’t know that, so stop dodging the question and answer me.”

 

Riven sighed, putting her hands up in surrender. “We just have a lot in common, okay?”

 

Katarina arched the only eyebrow she could move at the exile. “Oh really now? Like what?”

 

Riven racked her brain for the things Soraka had mentioned a while ago. “Well, to start, we both lost a lot of things because of the invasion.”

 

Katarina snorted. “Like that’s anything special. There’s hundreds of other Ionians that have lost their family and homes during it, and I don’t see you becoming best friends with all of them.”

 

Riven pinched the bridge of her nose. “No, it’s not just that.”

 

“And what did you even lose? All you lost was your honor, and that was purely your own fault.”

 

Riven seized her by her shoulders. “Kat,” she said in a dangerously low voice.

 

The assassin gave her a shit-eating grin. “Yes?”

 

Riven sighed. No point in lying to her. “I just enjoy her company, is that so bad?”

 

Katarina smiled, not a cocky or secretive smirk, but a genuine grin. “Well, look at you. My little Riven’s all grown up now.”

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

Katarina groaned. “I mean you’ve changed, dumbass. I remember when all you ever wanted to do was kill things in the name of Noxus.”

 

“Isn’t that you right now?” Riven asked in unamused tone.

 

Katarina gave her an equally unamused response: “No.”

 

“Right,” she said. No point in correcting Katarina; she was always right. Well, except when she wasn’t, but even then she was right.

 

“Anyway,” Katarina said, cutting off Riven’s convoluted train of thought. She circled around the exile predatorily, her hand running over Riven’s defined shoulders. “Thanks for your time, but we really gotta get going now.”

 

“But—”

 

Katarina held up a hand dismissively, and Riven knew better than to argue further. She turned around and made a gesture for Talon to follow her as she sashayed away. Talon gave Riven one more unreadable glance before walking after his sister.

 

Riven tried to keep her eyes off of Katarina’s ass; she really did.

 

She failed.

 

Once Riven turned around to head over to her own quarters, her mind now clear, an overwhelming sense of dread washed over her.

 

Well, shit.

  
  


“Ahri?” Riven called out quizzically, prodding at the sleeping woman with her foot.

 

The mage yawned sleepily as she slowly woke up, rubbing at her eyes. She looked up at Riven, squinting from the light source above the Noxian’s head.

 

“Rivy?” she muttered half awake before her eyes widened with realization. “Rivy! You’re back!” she exclaimed, fumbling to get up.

 

Riven couldn’t help but smile at Ahri. This would be the cutest sight she’d ever seen if Ahri didn’t look like she was possessed while she was asleep earlier.

 

“Ah! My legs fell asleep,” Ahri whined, her long fingernails clawing against the wall in an attempt to help orient herself upright. “I hate this feeling,” she complained, glaring at her feet as if that would fix it.

 

Riven stifled a laugh. Gods, she missed Ahri.

 

“Huh?” Ahri vocalized, surprised from the sudden hug from Riven.

 

“I missed you, Ahri.”

 

The mage blinked once, very thoroughly, before snuggling up against Riven some more. “Aw, you’re so sweet! I missed you too! That’s why I was waiting outside your door for you to return!”

 

Riven laughed, and Ahri’s ears twitched cutely. “I can see that,” Riven said with a smile. “Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate you.”

 

“Oh, Riven, that’s so sweet of you,” Ahri cooed, her eyes closing in happiness, head leaning against Riven’s shoulder.

 

The two simply stood there in their embrace for a moment, relishing in each other’s presence. Ahri was the one to break the comfortable silence.

 

“You smell nice,” Ahri commented idly, sniffing Riven. “A little sweaty, but nice.”

 

“Uh, thank you?” Riven responded unsurely.

 

“Sorry, was that weird?” Ahri asked with a worried expression, frantically pushing herself away from Riven. It almost looked like she was on the verge of panicking.

 

“Um, a little bit,” Riven answered truthfully after a small hesitant pause. She wasn’t one to lie, after all, even if someone were to take offense from her frankness. “But it’s fine, don’t worry, I don’t mind,” she quickly reassured, hoping to calm down Ahri.

 

But she did not relax. Instead, she began to get even more tense.   
  
“Yeah, but what about Irelia? She probably minds!” Ahri was beginning to freak out, and Riven did the only logical thing to diffuse a situation like this.

 

She hugged her tightly again, and she felt Ahri loosen up.

 

“It’s okay, Ahri,” Riven whispered, running a hand through Ahri’s hair like Irelia had done with hers. “I’m sure she won’t mind. We’re friends, after all. Isn’t it natural to want to be affectionate with those you care about?”

 

Immediately, Riven knew she said the wrong thing.

 

“I appreciate you Riven, but the problem is that I wanted to be more than friends; I still do,” Ahri murmured sadly, ears lowering. Instead of freaking out some more, she was just crestfallen now.

 

“I… I’m sorry,” Riven apologized. She was at a loss for words. What should she say? What could she possibly say to make Ahri feel better?

 

Riven’s hold on her loosened.

 

Ahri sniffled, and Riven felt her heart sink.

 

“I’m sorry, I should go,” Ahri mumbled, escaping from Riven’s weakened embrace in one fluid motion. “Welcome back, Riven,” she said, attempting to sound cheerful, a sad smile on her face.

 

And then she was gone, and Riven was alone once more.

 

Riven mentally kicked herself for being so damn bad at socializing. Why did she always have to mess everything up?

 

She sighed. She had to get better at this whole comforting thing. Maybe she’d practice in front of the bathroom mirror later tonight.

 

But first, a nap. She missed her own bed.

 

After getting her keys out of her bags, she entered her room and breathed in the air deeply.

 

Smelled like home.

 

She couldn’t help but smile at the familiar scent of her room. Riven felt her muscles relax as she dropped her luggage on the floor. She flopped onto her bed, closing her eyes.

 

Hopefully, no bad dreams would come her way.

 

* * *

 

Riven sat in the middle of a grassy field, the wind blowing against her body softly.

 

From behind her, footsteps approached, the sound of grass rustling reaching her ears.

 

“Riven.”

 

She got up and turned to Irelia, who was standing there in a white wedding dress, looking more beautiful than ever.

 

Riven’s jaw dropped.

 

Suddenly, flowers bloomed all over the meadow. She looked down at her body; she was clad in a black tuxedo.

 

Then she looked up again, and it was Ahri in front of her instead.

 

Wedding music began to play in the background, and the mage leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

 

Riven tried to protest, to move, but she was stuck in place. Her eyes widened, and she could only stare at Ahri’s lips as they got closer and closer to her own.

 

Just before they touched, Ahri pulled away.

 

The scene faded to black, and Riven woke up.

 

She blinked a few times, staring at the ceiling above her. She breathed a sigh of relief once she realized what had happened was just a dream, but a strange feeling washed over her person. She was almost disappointed by the fact they didn’t kiss in her dream. Was this a sense of longing? Regret? Lust? Ahri was rather… enticing, but that didn’t seem like an appropriate way to describe her feelings.

 

Instead, was it perhaps… love?

 

Riven shook her head. No, it couldn’t be; she loved Irelia, not Ahri.

 

But something about that statement didn’t feel right. Sure, Ahri was her friend and just a friend, but she felt some sort of platonic form of love towards her.

 

No, not just her. She felt that way with Soraka too. As small as her friend group was, she loved them all, and she appreciated every single one of them for being there for her.

 

Riven smiled. It was a weird but pleasant dream (Irelia in a wedding dress was more titillating than she’d care to admit). Though she felt a little guilty for almost cheating on Irelia (even if it was only in her mind), it made her realize how she really felt about Ahri.

 

These feelings she felt towards her (and Soraka)  _ were _ of love, but they were different from the love she felt for Irelia.

 

Feelings of love were quickly replaced with those of guilt as she remembered what had happened earlier. Ahri needed her, but Riven just allowed her to leave without saying a word.

 

She looked at the clock on her nightstand; it was still the early afternoon. Luckily, she’d only slept a few hours.

 

That meant she still had time today.

 

Steeling her resolve, she got up and headed out with a purpose.

 

Ahri needed her, and even if they weren’t in a romantic relationship with each other, Riven vowed to be her knight in shining armor.


	27. Warning

It’s been a while since she last saw her.

 

And by that, she means it’s been a few days.

 

But a few days away from Irelia felt like forever to Riven. After all, they had spent a majority of their time with each other nowadays, especially during their trip to Ionia.

 

Their little vacation together did not go unnoticed by the other champions, nor did the lack of interaction between the two these past few days. In fact, she hadn’t seen her at all recently.

 

But what she has been seeing more of was her nightmares.

 

They returned. It seemed as though they had gone away for one blissful moment before crashing down upon her once again. It was almost as if—

 

“Where’s Irelia?”

 

It took her a moment for her to realize she was being spoken to, and she was not in a good mood. At all. “You do know I’m a separate person from her, right?” Riven deadpanned, turning her attention to Kayle, completely unamused with the question. “I’m not always with her.”

 

“Of course, but it certainly doesn’t seem that way anymore. Now, are you going to answer me?”

 

A demand disguised as a question.

 

Riven really,  _ really _ tried her best to not scowl at the angel. Instead, all that escaped her was a small frown.

 

“Why are you looking for her anyway?” Riven inquired in the politest tone she could muster despite her gut telling her just to tell her the truth without asking why. However, she didn’t like the idea of Kayle looking for Irelia. After all, she was known as the League for a reason. Having Kayle look for you typically meant you were in trouble with the Institute. Other times, it meant the High Council of Equity just wanted to discuss something. Usually, though, it was the former.

 

Riven really hoped it wasn’t. She had no idea why Irelia would be in trouble, but she also had no idea why the High Council would want an audience with her.

 

Still, this didn’t bode well with her. Nothing about it did.

 

“She’s not in trouble, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Kayle informed her, and Riven relaxed a little. Just a little. She still wasn’t sure what Kayle wanted with Irelia.

 

“Then why are you looking for her?” Riven asked once again.

 

“It’s none of your business,” Kayle answered coldly. She obviously wasn’t pleased with Riven’s insubordination. “This is a matter between her and the Institute.”

 

Riven sighed in defeat. She wasn’t about to argue with her any further. “I don’t know where she is.”

 

“You don’t?” A questioning tone. If Kayle was surprised, she didn’t show it. Her voice remained stoic, and her face was covered by that helmet she always wore. No one questioned why she never took it off unless it was absolutely necessary. No one questioned the Judicator.

  
Except for Morgana (obviously) and now Riven apparently, who was just now realizing her mistake of doing so.

 

“I don’t,” she reaffirmed, a little nervous for what Kayle had to say to her. From her body language, the Judicator was obviously displeased with Riven’s behavior.

 

“Then I suppose you wouldn’t mind fetching her for me then, do you? After all, you two have grown awfully close recently.”

 

It wasn’t a request. Both of them knew that.

 

“Not at all,” Riven replied. “I was just going to look for her anyway.”

 

It wasn’t a complete lie. Irelia had made it clear on their way back that she wanted some space after their trip to Ionia as to not arouse suspicion about their relationship. But judging by all the gossip going around the champions, their lack of interaction in the past few days only caused more gossip about the two.

 

In fact, she was eating lunch by herself (again) one day when the Institute’s queen of gossip invited herself over to Riven’s lonely table, most likely to inquire about the state of her relationship with Irelia for herself.

 

Dread washed over her as she saw the far too familiar face approach her.

 

“Riven,” Cassiopeia greeted, suave as ever. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

 

“Yes, it has,” Riven said after a brief moment, setting down the food she was about to eat. “Do you need something?”

 

“Straight to business as always, I see,” Cassiopeia pouted. “You were never much fun.” She seated herself across from Riven, pushing the other chair out of the way and coiling around herself.

 

“Fun isn’t really something I do,” she replied as stoic as she could, trying not to show any discomfort around the naga. She would prey on it, ripping at any openings she could find to get to you.

 

“You used to say that back when you still fought for Noxus,” Cassiopeia said with a wistful smile. “Ah, to think my bruteish sister ever had someone head over heels for her. That was quite some time ago, though it seems your affections have been directed towards a certain Ionian nowadays.”

 

“I still fight for Noxus,” Riven insisted, purposefully electing to ignore Cassiopeia’s observation. “I fight for the true Noxian vision in which I believe in.”

 

“Doesn’t quite seem like it now, does it?” Cassiopeia replied, a glint in her eyes now. “No, it seems like our little Riven has gotten herself all mixed up in Ionian affairs.”

 

Riven resisted the urge to give in to her body’s natural instincts. She would not clench her teeth, nor ball her hands into fists. She would not give in. She would not lose this battle.

 

“What do you want?” she asked—no,  _ demanded _ —in a soft but dangerous tone.

 

“Why, I simply want  _ answers _ .” Cassiopeia slightly adjusted her posture so that she would appear taller and more intimidating.

 

Riven attempted to do the same, though it was a lot harder as Cassiopeia literally was able to tower over her no matter what.

 

“Ask away.”

 

An evil and salacious grin, one to be expected from the other Noxian woman.

 

“Are you fucking the Captain?”

 

Riven blinked.

 

“No.”

 

Cassiopeia’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve always been a bad liar, Riven. Don’t play coy with me. You know better than to do that.”

 

Riven knew that she had already lost. There was no turning back now.

 

She sighed in defeat. “Fine. I’m in a relationship with Irelia. There, are you happy now? Just, please, don’t tell anyone. I promised her I would keep it a secret.”

 

Cassiopeia smirked, pleased with her victory over the white-haired warrior. “Oh, honey, it’s not a secret if everyone already knows. You didn’t have to tell me. We can all see it. I’m sure even that blind old fool Lee Sin can.”

 

Riven stiffened, and Cassiopeia seemed to be all satisfied with her work.

 

“Well, I believe it’s time for me to go. Hope you and your sweetheart get over this rough patch soon,” she teased playfully. “If you need any advice about relationships, you know where to find me,” she said with a wink before taking her leave.

 

And then the exile was alone once more.

 

Riven would continue with her lunch, but she wasn’t feeling very hungry anymore.

 

No, she felt very, very sick.

 

* * *

 

“Have you seen Irelia?”

 

“No, I haven’t, sorry.”

 

Riven sighed. She had figured that at least one of the summoners would have an idea where Irelia would be, but apparently the Captain hadn’t participated in a League match for nearly a month now.

 

Maybe one of Irelia’s friends would know where she was. Hopefully they would, because there was only so many of them she could ask.

 

Shortly after she started heading towards the Ionian wing, she felt a familiar tingle all over her body. She looked down and saw blue surrounding her.

 

Oh fuck, she had forgotten about this match.

  
  


Apparently, her summoner was unprepared too.

 

“No runes and masteries, huh?” A distinctive and recognizable Ionian accent. “Good luck. You’ll need it.”

 

She turned to Lee Sin, relieved to see him. “I was looking for you.” She turned around to look at the rest of her teammates, just in case someone she didn’t want overhearing her conversation was there, or just in case Irelia was there somehow. No such luck, but at least one other friendly face was there as well.

 

“Hey Karma, can you come over here for a second?”

 

“Yes, I can,” the Ionian elder answered rather quickly, making her way towards the two in a hurried manner. With the way Kog’Maw was gurgling right now near the fountain, Riven didn’t blame her.

 

“Am I invited to this little meeting?” Cassiopeia asked, making her way over towards the three of them. Kog’Maw stopped his activities to join them in curiosity. “Are we invading?” Cassiopeia asked, inching away from the oozing voidborn with unhidden disgust.

 

“No, I just wanted to ask about Irelia,” Riven replied after a brief moment of internal debate. Cassiopeia just rolled her eyes and shook her head at that before heading down the middle lane.

 

Kog’Maw, no longer interested, began to waddle his way towards the bottom lane.

 

Karma arched a brow at Riven, a questioning and almost displeased look on her face. “Didn’t Irelia want to keep your relationship a secret?”

 

“… Yes,” Riven admitted sheepishly. “Apparently everyone’s figured it out already though, from what Cass told me. That’s why I need to talk to her. Well, it’s one reason why. Do either of you know where she might be?”

 

“Last I saw her, she was with you,” Karma said. “I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.”

 

Riven looked towards Lee Sin hopefully, but he just shook his head at her. “The same goes for me. You’re much closer with her than I am, sorry.”

 

He thought for a moment, to see if he could remember if anyone else could help out before snapping his fingers together loudly. “Ah! Have you tried speaking with Soraka?”

 

Riven shook her head, before remembering that he couldn’t see. “No, I haven’t. It’s been a while since I last spoke with her.” Speaking of which, she needed to see her.

 

“Ah yes, I almost forgot. It’s that time of year now, isn’t it?” Karma said sadly, almost pitiful.

 

“Time of year?” Riven asked, confused. Surely they weren’t talking about her period.

 

“Today’s the day, if I recall correctly,” Lee Sin said somberly. Right, definitely not a period, unless Irelia’s happened to come once a year on a single day.

 

To be fair, it was completely possible to Riven, who had no idea how the body of a lich would function. Still, it seemed extremely unlikely.

 

“She didn’t tell you?” Karma wondered, directing her attention back to Riven, who just shook her head. “Ah, well, it’s not our place to tell you. I'm sure she wouldn’t mind, but it feels wrong to discuss someone else’s personal affairs behind their back. Go to Soraka and find where Irelia is. I’m sure she’ll know her whereabouts.”

 

* * *

 

Apparently Irelia was in her room, a rare occurrence. She had seen Soraka after the match, and was told that by the healer, who was only just a little miffed that she only came by to seek Irelia and not chat with her. She wasn’t too upset though, saying something about how Irelia would need her during this time of year.

 

“Are you sure she’s home?” Riven had asked skeptically. Even though Irelia had apparently stopped by this morning to talk to Soraka, Riven still had her doubts about that.

 

Soraka had simply nodded in response. “I’m positive. Now go, she needs you.”

 

As unlikely as it seemed, Riven was desperate to figure out what was wrong and found herself making her way to Irelia’s dorm, her brow arching when she saw that the door to it was wide open.

 

Was Irelia really inside her room? Or was there someone else in there?

 

She entered quietly, unsure whether there was an intruder in the room. Technically, she was one too, but that didn’t matter at the moment.

 

All that mattered was finding Irelia and making sure she’s okay.

 

She took one look around the living room, before noticing that the bedroom door was slightly ajar. She made her way to it and peeked her head in.

 

“Oh, there you are,” Riven said, relieved to have finally found Irelia, who seemed to be staring at the wall.

 

Irelia did not respond. Her attention was focused on something in front of her, but she had her back turned towards the exile.

 

Riven let herself in, quietly closing the door behind her. She approached Irelia cautiously, unsure of what the Ionian was doing. Was she intruding on something?

 

A picture in a frame caught her eye as she stepped aside and followed Irelia’s gaze. It was old, and it certainly looked that way. In it were two children, one girl and one boy. Riven recognized the girl as a younger Irelia. She looked pretty much the same, except, well, younger than usual. The boy…

 

“Is that Zelos?” Riven wondered aloud once she noticed the resemblance between the two, and Irelia nodded stiffly.

 

“His birthday is today,” Irelia mentioned in a strained voice, and Riven’s never heard so much raw emotion in her voice before, even though she was trying to hold it back. Not even when she was trying to confess her feelings to Riven, not even when she said Riven’s name during their most intimate encounters.

 

Irelia must have loved him a lot then, maybe even more than she loved Riven. It almost made Riven jealous, but she wouldn’t know what it’s like to lose a sibling or any family members for that matter.

 

Only friends and comrades, but she was never really too close to them. She tried not to be. After all, as soldiers, she was going to have to watch most of them die in front of her anyway.

 

It didn’t make their deaths any easier to mourn, no matter how hard she tried.

 

She shook her head. Now was not the time.

 

“Um, Kayle was looking for you earlier,” Riven stated, unsure of what to say. “I don’t know why but—”

 

“I’ll go see her tomorrow,” Irelia said, interrupting Riven. “Don’t worry about it. Everything’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

 

A hesitant pause from Riven. “If you say so.”

 

That’s when she broke down.

 

Irelia pressed herself firmly against Riven, wrapping her shivering arms tightly around the exile’s waist. She clutched onto the Noxian like her life depended on it.

 

“Stay with me, please. D-don’t leave me,” she choked on her words. “Don’t leave me like they did; promise me… promise me you won’t.” The warrior’s normally strong voice sounded so weak and fragile now.

 

It was absolutely unacceptable.

 

Riven gently stroked Irelia’s hair, her fingers massaging the Ionian’s scalp.

 

“I promise,” she murmured, kissing the top of Irelia’s head.

 

It was all Irelia needed to hear to relax into her comforting embrace, even though they both knew she was lying, even though they both knew it was a promise Riven wouldn’t be able to keep.


	28. Home

“Riven, I…”

 

Irelia bit down on her bottom lip, unsure of how she should put this.

 

“I, uh… I… Ugh, how do I say this—” the Ionian wondered aloud, exasperated. It was rare to see the Captain all tongue-tied and frustrated like this.

 

Riven smiled down at Irelia encouragingly, who was snuggling against her chest. The two had been silently cuddling in bed when Irelia had broken the silence.

 

She sighed. “Never mind,” she grumbled, clearly bothered by something she couldn’t express in words.

 

“You can tell me anything, you know,” Riven said reassuringly. “Don’t be afraid to talk to me about how you feel.”   
  
“How I feel…” Irelia murmured, her index finger tracing random patterns on Riven’s abdomen. “I feel…” She readjusted herself so that she was straddling Riven.

 

“I feel you,” she said simply, leaning down to kiss her lover on the lips, hands softly cradling Riven’s face.

 

When they parted, Riven looked up at Irelia’s eyes, trying to read the emotions they were trying to convey to her. Riven could see love, a little bit of fear, and mostly yearning.

 

But what was it that Irelia wanted?

 

Irelia pulled herself away, hands retracting themselves from Riven’s face before she let out a sound that sounded both depressed and disgusted. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be feeling this way. These wanton feelings… No, not today, not when I’m mourning. Gods, I’m a terrible person.”

 

Irelia looked down, and Riven adjusted her posture so that she was level with Irelia. She cupped Irelia’s face like how the Ionian did earlier to her, gently tilting Irelia’s head back up.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with having needs, Irelia. You can’t control them; you can’t control your feelings.”

 

Irelia turned her head away from Riven, pulling the exile’s arms down by her wrists. “I didn’t have them before. I don’t know how to deal with them. I feel so… so… These feelings are too much, Riven. I don’t know what to do.”

 

Riven reached out to Irelia, her thumb caressing the other’s cheek. “Sometimes, all you can do is nothing at all.”

 

“But I  _ can _ do something,” Irelia protested, suddenly finding her resolve again.

 

Riven chuckled. “Oh yeah? And what exactly are you going to do?” she asked with a smirk.

 

Irelia turned and roughly pushed Riven back onto the mattress. “ _ You _ .”

 

* * *

 

“Oh fuck.”

 

She hadn’t meant to say it aloud, and damn did it seem loud at this time of the night. She had just ran into the one person she didn’t want to see in this predicament—

 

“Well, hello to you too, Riven,” Ahri said disapprovingly, arms crossed.

 

“… Hi.”

 

Ahri looked at the door she was exiting from, then to the attire she was wearing which was clearly not hers either. It was obvious that Riven was doing the walk of shame, and Ahri was the first to bear witness to it.

 

The mage just sighed dejectedly, shaking her head before turning to walk away.

 

“W-wait,” Riven called out.

 

Ahri turned around in a huff, looking at her expectantly, impatiently. She had caught the other in a bad mood apparently.

 

Riven winced a little.

 

“Look, I’m sorry.”

 

Ahri gave her a questioning look. “For?”

 

“For—” Riven paused. “Everything, I guess.”

 

Ahri sighed once more. “You’re going to have to be more specific than that if you’re going to be apologizing, Riven, otherwise it’s not a sincere apology.”

 

Riven took a moment to think of what to say. “I’m sorry, for greeting you like that, for basically reminding you that we’re not together, and… and for not returning your feelings.”

 

Ahri scowled all of a sudden. “Honestly? Don’t ever say that shit to me again, Riven.”

 

The warrior looked down at her feet in shame, and Ahri continued.

 

“Don’t apologize for your feelings,” Ahri said in a softer voice. “Don’t ever apologize for how you feel. You can’t control what you feel, Riven.” A pause. “I’ve tried,” she added quietly and under her breath.

 

Riven looked back up at Ahri, who only gave her a sad smile in response. “Well, it was nice seeing you again after so long. We should hang out again, just like we used to.”

 

That brought something back to Riven’s attention. “Oh yeah, speaking of which, do you still want me to teach you how to read? I’m a lot better now, I think. If you’re still not mad at me, I’d love to help out. Otherwise, I could ask Soraka if she would be willing to help you learn, if you don’t mind letting her know about your situation.”

 

Ahri thought it over rather visibly, her eyes looking up at the ceiling and her hand on her chin. When she had came to a decision, she directed her attention back to the exile.  “Thank you, Riven, for the offer. I really appreciate it, but I think I’d rather learn from Soraka for now.”

 

Riven felt a little hurt by Ahri’s decision, but she would respect it nonetheless. “I see,” she said with a somewhat strained smile. “Well, good luck with that. She’s probably a better teacher than me anyway,” Riven said with an awkward chuckle.

 

“… Riven?” Ahri asked.

 

“Yeah?”   
  


“Is something wrong?” the mage inquired.

 

Riven’s mood fell all of a sudden. “I… I don’t know, honestly. I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere with… with… with anything, actually.” Riven felt really dissatisfied, despite all that Irelia’s done for her, and not just sexually. She made Riven’s night terrors go away with her very presence, but Riven still didn’t feel like she belonged. Staying here, at the Institute, didn’t seem like it was accomplishing anything she had set out to do by exiling herself from Noxus.

 

Ahri approached Riven, placing a placating hand on her shoulder. “Oh Riven, I’m sorry to hear that. What exactly are you upset about?”

 

Riven shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess, my purpose in life?” She wasn’t too sure herself. “I just don’t feel like I’m getting anything done by being here,” she explained. “Sometimes, I think I made the wrong decision joining the League.”

 

Ahri nodded understandingly. “I see. Well, have you thought about leaving?”   
  


Riven shook her head. “No, I haven’t. I don’t know what I’d do if I left. I thought joining the League would give me a way to pursue the true Noxian way, but I’m not so sure anymore. Sure, fighting to solve these political conflicts is something I can get behind, but this peace we have to keep… Noxus needs a revolution to change, and the League would oppose something like that because it’d be deemed a civil war. Revolutions always involve some sort of conflict, and the most effective ones are bloody ones.”

 

Riven sighed. “I came here, searching for a purpose, and yet I still feel as lost as I was when I had first arrived. Moreso, even. I don’t know what to do.”

 

Ahri hummed in thought, thinking of advice she could give. “Well, you never know what to do until you start to do something, right? Then you’ll have some sort of basis to start from. I think joining the League was the first step on your journey. You’re a popular champion, Riven. A lot of Noxians still look up to you, believe it or not. I’m sure you’ll find someone out there that still shares the same ideals as you. You just have to go out there and look for them. After all, you can’t please everyone, especially in politics. There’s always a revolution waiting to happen, but it takes a leader to start one. You can’t give up your search before you begin it.”

 

Riven thought about it, her words. She was getting riled up, ready to fulfill the purpose she had initially set out to complete.

 

“But…”

 

Ahri’s head tilted in curiosity. “But—?” she repeated, confused about what was holding Riven back from what she wanted—no,  _ needed _ to do.

 

Slight hesitation, and a soft voice following it. “I don’t want to leave the only people who care about me. Irelia, Soraka,  _ you _ .

 

Ahri smiled sadly. “I understand, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good. Just know, if you do decide to leave, that I’ll still be here supporting you. I’m sure the others would too. We’ll all miss you, of course, but if this is truly what you believe is best for you, then we can’t call ourselves your friends if we don’t support your decision in the end.”

 

Riven stayed silent, unsure of what to say in response. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like crying. What a strange reaction to Ahri’s words. Were these tears of happiness or sadness that were threatening to fall from her eyes?

 

Ahri moved forward to hug Riven, holding on for a few seconds before releasing her.

 

“I think I’ve taken up enough of your time now. I think it’s time for you to go. Hopefully I was able to help you somehow.”

 

Ahri had started to return to her own room when Riven called out to her again, voice cracking.“W-wait. I have one more thing I want—no,  _ need _ to say.”   
  
Ahri looked at her curiously. “What is it?”

 

“Thank you. For everything.”

 

* * *

 

Leaving the League?

 

It was a bold idea. No one’s ever done it, but it wasn’t impossible. The champions had annual contracts to sign with the League, but Riven couldn’t stand the idea of having to wait to go and take action. They had all been renewed recently, and Riven had the terms and conditions explained to her verbally. She had agreed, not expecting to leave any time soon.

 

Now, she couldn’t. At least, she couldn’t with their permission.

 

A sinking feeling in her gut. She was going to have to desert again and leave the only other place she could call a home.

 

Well, not quite. Home wasn’t about a specific location this time. Home was the people, the relationships she’s made at the Institute. Home was Soraka and Ahri by her side; home was Irelia in her arms.

 

Home…

 

She didn’t want to leave it all behind again, all the she had and knew.

 

And so her heart was torn between the nation that forged her and the people that gave her purpose again.

 

She didn’t want to choose, she couldn’t.

 

But she had to.

 

Ahri’s words resonated in her mind, and she felt her resolve steel itself once more.

 

She may have been unsure in the past and about the future, but one thing was certain:

 

Redemption awaited her.


	29. Reconciliation

“What do you mean you’re  _ leaving _ ?!”

 

“Irelia,  _ please _ , keep your voice down.”

 

After all, they were in Riven’s room for a reason, and that reason was some much needed privacy. Unfortunately, the reason they needed privacy wasn’t sexual.

 

Riven would have much preferred that, even if Irelia was unreasonably hot when she was angry. Maybe they could have sex afterwards, if Irelia was up for it.

 

Probably not though. After all, Irelia looked absolutely miffed at Riven at the moment. Regardless of her current feelings, she relented to the exile’s request as to not attract attention. “What do you mean you’re fucking leaving?” she seethed under her breath  disbelievingly . “Is this some kind of joke? Because I’m not finding it funny. You promised, you fucking  **_promised_ ** ,” she whispered, voice cracking with emotion and betrayal. “You said you weren’t going to… No, you can’t leave me. Not now, not after they—” Tears were beginning to become visible in the other’s eyes, and she was unable to finish her sentence. Breaths she did not need to take were unstable.

 

Riven was starting to feel regret towards her decisions. This probably wasn’t the best time to have this conversation. A few moments ago, Irelia had told Riven that she had an audience with the High Council earlier (which was why Kayle was looking for her) and that they had informed her that Zelos was finally found. Dead, that is. By now, it’s been so long since his death they had to run tests to confirm it was him.

 

Yes, this wasn’t the best time to be having this conversation. Not at all. Riven should have known better than to have brought it up when Irelia asked if she was still going to stay by her side, looking for comfort from her girlfriend.

 

Comfort, she did not get. But telling the truth, that was the Ionian way, was it not? She hadn’t expected Irelia to be this upset about it. Upset, yes, but not  _ this _ much.

 

“I’m not leaving you,” Riven explained slowly, trying to justify herself. “I would never even dream of it. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Irelia. I just need to leave the Institute for—”

  
“For what?” Irelia snapped angrily, interrupting the exile. “The ridiculous presumption that you can single-handedly change a corrupt Noxus into an ideal and perfect society where they don’t betray their own kind? Noxus has and always will be a terrible nation filled with brutish people that are somehow even worse than the place they call home. Nothing you do can or will ever change that fact, Riven. No one is strong enough for that, not even you.”

 

Riven’s face visibly hardened at her words, and Irelia had realized too late she had been too harsh and had struck a nerve.

 

“Riven, I—”

 

“Get.  _ Out _ ,” she growled dangerously, scowling.

 

Irelia winced slightly. “Riven, please, I was just—”

 

Riven didn’t want to hear it.

  
She let out an unrestrained scream, unable to hold it back any longer. Irelia flinched at the sudden loudness, taking several steps back as she watched her girlfriend completely lose her temper. Riven grabbed a chair nearby and smashing it against the wall out of anger, breaking it completely on the first swing. Irelia just stood there, paralyzed by shock and fear, unsure of what to do.

  
Riven looked around the room for other things she could take her anger out on. A pillow? Too soft. The couch? Too large.

 

She settled for punching a hole in the wall instead.

 

Feeling somewhat more satisfied now that she destroyed some stuff in her rage, Riven turned her attention back to Irelia, who was suddenly unable to meet her eyes. The Ionian had an unreadable expression on her face as she left the room, quietly excusing herself, not bothering to close the door on her way out.

 

And so Riven was alone once more, the air silent apart from her quickly retreating footsteps.

 

Well, so much for sex tonight. Riven was feeling  _ very _ frustrated, and she didn’t know what to do now.

 

Riven lightly kicked at the shattered remnants of the chair out of frustration, her body unreasonably tired all of a sudden.

 

God, she  _ hated _ the silence. It reminded her of the time she was in the hospital, when she had first began to interact with Irelia.

 

She hated it because it made her feel weak.

 

But she wasn’t weak. She was strong, the strongest there was.

 

That’s all that mattered. That’s all that ever mattered to her, to Noxus. Strength. It was the most important thing there was.

 

But Riven couldn’t stop herself from bursting into tears because she wasn’t strong enough, and she knew it.

 

Strength…

 

That’s all that  _ had _ mattered to her, that used to be the most important thing there was.

 

Was…

 

But that all changed when Irelia entered her life, didn’t it? Even Riven couldn’t deny it. Irelia came into her life, and Riven hasn’t been the same since. Irelia had become her source of strength, but she somehow became her weakness at the same time.

 

And now? Now, she made her leave without a resolution to their verbal dispute, and now Riven was left feeling empty and even worse,  _ weak _ .

 

All because of love. Riven had heard stories of how that one feeling could be empowering, yet shatter someone completely. She never knew how or why; she still doesn’t.

 

She understands though. Irelia must too.

 

All this time, she was only thinking of herself. She always had to, in the past.

 

But she would no longer live in the past now that she had a future to work for.

 

It was Irelia.

 

Riven’s hands formed clenched fists.

 

The feelings she gave her, the feeling of belonging, of being  _ whole _ —

 

She would not let it go to waste. She had to make things right, starting with the love of her life.

 

* * *

 

Calloused fingers twiddled absentmindedly as she waited in the seating area.

 

Soraka said she would only take fifteen minutes or so to finish up an appointment, but the wait felt like hours so far. How long has it been?

 

She looked up at the clock on the wall and it’s been three minutes since she last checked (which was when she started waiting).

 

Three. Fucking. Minutes. Was the damn clock broken?

 

It had to be. She’s been here way longer than a few fucking minutes. But that was fine. Everything was fine. She could wait. She waited all day to calm down before she decided to pay Soraka a visit. Not like she had anything better to do. Not like she could even focus on doing anything else right now anyway.

 

She needed this. Talking with Soraka always made her feel better. Soraka should be able to give her some advice. She needed some. Desperately. Relationships were never her forte, especially romantic ones. Soraka was probably better with this stuff than her. Her relationship with her boyfriend was probably not as troubled as Riven and Irelia’s relationship. Probably. Last time she saw Varus, he tried to kill her, which Soraka didn’t take too kindly to. Besides the uncontrollable rage he feels towards Noxians causing him to give in to the urge to murder her on sight and his ignorance about Soraka’s true feelings about bananas, Riven didn’t know about too many problems the couple had with each other. That was probably for the best though. After all, Riven wasn’t the therapist here. It was Soraka.

 

Which is why she’s visiting Soraka right now. Or will be. Because she had problems. A lot of them. Most of them involving Irelia now. Or at least, those were the ones on her mind at the moment.

 

…

 

She glanced at the clock. Two more minutes had passed apparently. Fucking—

 

* * *

 

The door to Soraka’s office finally opened when her ass was starting to feel numb, and Riven got up and out of her seat—

 

And out walked Irelia from the room, appearing to be far more calm than Riven was feeling at the current moment.

 

Irelia simply ignored her presence, brushing past the shell shocked Noxian exile like she wasn’t even there.

 

For some reason, that made Riven feel a little hurt. More than a little hurt, actually. She felt very hurt. She probably deserved it though. She—

 

“Riven?” Soraka called out, gesturing for her to come in. “It’s your turn.”

 

Riven nodded, pushing away the thoughts in her mind, taking one last glance at Irelia as she left before entering the other room and plopping down on a plush couch. Near it, she could see that the trash can was nearly completely full of used tissues.

 

She really hoped she wasn’t the cause of them. She knew she was.

 

Soraka sat back down in the chair behind her desk, shuffling around some paperwork. “Normally, I’d adhere to the medical confidentiality rule that’s set in place, but I’m pretty sure you’re here for the exact same reason your significant other just came in for an emergency visit for,” Soraka said, and the exile could hear the exhaustion in her voice.

 

Riven’s mouth felt devoid of moisture for some reason, and she found it slightly difficult to speak. “I’d, uh, assume so too.” An awkward dry cough to clear her throat.

 

“Well then, why don’t we start by discussing how you feel right now.” Soraka leaned forward, resting her chin on folded hands.

 

“Well, I feel… conflicted,” she began, and Soraka nodded slightly, urging her to continue.

 

Continue, she did not. She just fidgeted in the seat, clearly uncomfortable. Soraka sighed.

 

“What exactly is it that you’re conflicted about, Riven? I can’t help you if you don’t explain anything.”

 

“Irelia,” Riven answered, like that explained everything, like that was all Soraka needed to know to understand. In her mind, it was.

 

It wasn’t enough for the Starchild though. “Riven,” Soraka said, exasperated. This was just like when Riven first started seeing her and completely refused to explain anything. Riven wasn’t one to open up easily, especially since she wasn’t very good with words. “You know I’m still not a mind reader. Please  _ elaborate _ on why Irelia has you feeling conflicted.”

 

“We had a fight. Well, not really a fight. An argument, I suppose would be the word for it.” A hesitant pause. “I know this sounds stupid, but she hurt my feelings,” she said, feeling a little foolish.

 

Soraka frowned. “It’s not stupid, Riven. Your feelings are valid, but in the past few years that I’ve known you, I noticed that you’re not one to pay attention to how others feel around you.”

 

“I get that a lot.” Riven wasn’t sure how she felt about that though. She didn’t feel great about it, that’s for sure.

 

The healer’s frown deepened. “That’s not a good thing, Riven. You seriously need to improve your social skills.”

 

Riven swore she heard Soraka mutter, “Both you and Irelia,” underneath her breath.

 

She wasn’t  _ that _ bad at talking, was she? She wasn’t a people person, yes, but she earnestly thought that she was better at socializing and communicating than what others have been saying. “I thought I was improving a lot,” she commented lamely.

 

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. You  _ are _ improving a lot, but that's because you started off at nothing. The bar was on the floor, Riven. Now it’s  _ much _ higher.”

 

Ouch. Riven almost felt a little offended, even if she knew it was true. She really messed things up this time, huh?

 

Soraka simply sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She took a deep, calming breath before continuing to lecture the exile. “Look, I’m sorry if I’m being a little too harsh. It’s been a long day. My point is that you need to be more considerate of other people’s feelings, Riven. Otherwise, you’re going to drive them away.”

 

Riven looked down at her feet. “I think I already have,” she mumbled, remembering Irelia’s reaction.

 

Soraka gave her a look of pity. “Oh, don’t be so harsh on yourself, Riven. Irelia already forgave you for deciding to leave the League. She’s just upset, understandably so. While she wants the best for you, what’s best isn’t always going to make her happy.”

 

“She… she did?” Riven was surprised. Irelia didn’t seem like she had forgiven her already. She felt like the Ionian woman didn’t want anything to do with her.

 

Soraka nodded. “Irelia has forgiven you for a lot of things, hasn’t she? You shouldn’t be so surprised.”

 

“I suppose, yeah… Still, I didn’t think she’d forgive me this fast.”

 

“Irelia herself might not even be aware of the fact that she has forgiven you already, but I can tell she has, even if she doesn’t know it yet. She’s stubborn, but she cares a lot about you. We all do. She’s just afraid of losing you.”

 

“I don’t want to lose her either.”

 

“Then what are you still doing here? Go to her. Go and tell her how much she means to you.”

 

Riven nodded, moving to get up before an idea popped into her head. “Wait, what if I show her instead? Show her how much she means to me, and that I don’t ever want to lose her.”

 

Soraka quirked an eyebrow at her, curious about what Riven had planned. “I suppose that could work. What do you have in mind?”

 

Riven stared into Soraka’s eyes with the most conviction she’s ever had in her life.

 

“I want to propose.”


End file.
